Page 57 of My Monster, My Choice

“I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me and I didn’t want you to be disappointed that I can never give you your ownkishren.”

“I can never be disappointed in you, Christina. I love you, now and forever. Now, wipe those weepy eyes, sweet. Come inside and we’ll relax with our friends.”

Somehow now that my big secret is revealed, a rush of calm washes over me. Elex knows and he still loves me. I’m not sure what I was so terrified about, but I can still feel the emotions inside me, quivery and unsure. Brittle. Ready to snap like a stressed rubber band.

Inside the breakroom Mikhail sits with his mate, Mindy. I’m introduced to her first. Calbin, is making a plate from the buffet table. Tera is standing with Relion near the window, and Kenny is sitting with Mikhail, Telilah on his lap.

“Welcome, Christina,” Calbin calls out. “Would you like a plate?” There’s a kind look in his eyes and I wonder if he knows I’ve avoided him for over a year now.

“No, we were just hiking,” I say. “I’ll just have something to drink for now.”

He pours me a glass of fruit punch and hands it to me while Elex heads to Tera and Relion. Somehow, I’m standing with the person I’ve avoided. While the panic is still there, it’s unavoidable after so much time, at least it’s dissipating.

“I haven’t seen you in a long time,” Calbin says. “Since the night we removed the choke collars from the dancers.”

“I seem to miss all your visits,” I say, and even to my ears, it rings false.

“I’ve noticed,” he says drily. “Tera seems to be in my office frequently. Your daughter has a lot of questions regarding future pregnancies.”

“Yes. She told me she’s interested in having another.”

“Yes. But that’s not what she’s asking about. I can discuss it with you because it concerns you and a…situation.”

Does Tera suspect the same way Elex did? Is Calbin about to ask me to reveal my medical history?

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, reminding myself that I felt better once Elex knew. I can stop the pain that this secret causes me by banishing its power. By deflating it. “What does she want to know?” I ask warily.

“Medical records were found in the Presidential House library. We can only assume the president kept them to blackmail individuals one day. Your name was included because you nearly died. Tera has pieced together that it was because of your abortion the year you married her father. The termhysterectomywas also in the records.”

I freeze. They all know. How long have they known?

Calbin motions to Elex, and immediately Elex returns, banding his arm around me, lending support, even as Tera and Relion watch from the distance.

“If you do not wish to have this conversation, we will tell them it is none of anyone’s concern,” Calbin says softly. “I’m sorry the records were discovered and revealed before we realized the individuals were still alive. Most of the time, records kept are old and the people have long since passed.”

But I’m tired of hiding and feeling ashamed. My only mistake was not insisting on the two men sending me to the city to have it done correctly in the first place. I could have agreed to a marriage—any marriage—and then, with a husband’s permission, had the legal procedure performed.

“It is all your decision, my love,” Elex says, his tentacles winding around my waist as if supporting me while I make it. I wrap my arm around him and curl my head onto his muscled shoulder.

“Let’s just get it out in the open. No more hiding. No more worrying myself sick.”

Both men smile at me like I just invented sliced bread.

They walk me to where everyone else is—my entire family, a softly smiling Mikhail and his beautiful wife—and everyone stops speaking.

Instead of joining his two mates, Calbin stays on my other side, he and Elex given me unspoken support.

“I understand you all found out some information about me. It is true and it’s why I’ve avoided medical exams. I didn’t want to be found out because I’m so ashamed, even though I know I have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just years—a culture of suppressing women, I guess. Elex, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you from the beginning when someone first started to tease us about having children, but I didn’t know how so instead I pretended I didn’t want any.”

“Do you?” Mikhail asks softly. I’m not sure why he’s asking. Surely he knows what hysterectomy means.

“I do. But I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?” Tera asks, looking at Mikhail. “She’s still young. Why can’t you do something like those Leondratsin aliens do? Implant a baby somewhere. An artificial womb? Anything. I’m sure technology is much more advanced with your race.”

“Most babies—human and Adroki, anyway—don’t thrive in artificial wombs,” Mikhail says softly. “Their emotions can be stunted; some born that way lack empathy. The Leondratsins can do it because their babies are mixed with various DNA, are mostly parasitic, and sometimes the humans are simply surrogates.”

Calbin turns to me. “Which is another point. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a child, Christina. We can fertilize one of your eggs with Elex’s sperm and implant it in another. A surrogate willing to carry one for you.”

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