Page 5 of The End of Me

“I’ll reach out soon,” I say. “Just give me a few more days, please.”

March 19th

Grief is defined as deep sorrow.

It violently sweeps everything you build and leaves you under the debris of pain and misery. Time doesn’t matter when the grief sucks us into its web, tangling us with the threat of squeezing us tightly until we can’t breathe.

Grief leaves us stuck in a moment, unable to move.

It’s been two weeks since I received the news that Archer was missing. Fourteen long days of being afraid for his life and our future. Though I still feel his heart, I haven’t dreamt of him. It’s like his body is alive, but his mind is gone.

My parents have been patient with me. They enter my room every morning with coffee, breakfast, and even a new activity for us to do during the day. I can barely eat. I drag myself from the bed to the bathroom when it’s strictly necessary. Pa installs a television in my room so we can binge-watch shows. I cry most of the time because something always reminds me of Archer.

Mostly I play the videos I have on my phone of Archer and his last voicemail.

“Hi, baby. We landed in Brasilia. We’re about to turn our phones over to our handler. I promise to call you as soon as I’m done with this assignment. Afterward, we’re going on a trip. It’s going to be just you and me wherever you want to visit. I love you from here to GN-z11 and back.”

I chuckle every time I hear my geek say that he loves me to the oldest and farthest galaxy from the Earth.

“I love you more,” I mumble.

Like every day, I send a text to Uncle Mason.Have you found him yet?

Uncle M: We’re still looking. Stay strong.

Archer is somewhere in the Amazon waiting to be rescued. I just know it. He has to be alive.

“Piper,” Mom says as she enters my childhood room. “Florence St. James is downstairs with Zach and Burke. They’d like to speak to you.”

Two of Archer’s brothers are here, the twins. Aren’t they supposed to be in Boston? She probably gathered them all. I should check on Teddy, she must be scared and dealing with her mom. Don’t get me wrong, Florence is lovely, but she doesn’t know how to be a mother to her only daughter.

Even though I know what I should do, I just can’t. Hopefully Seth is with her. I send him a quick text.

Piper: Can you check on Teddy?

Seth: I’m with her.

Piper: Please don’t leave her alone. I can’t be there for her right now, but Archer would want us to support her.

Seth: How are you?

Piper: I don’t know how to be.

Seth: We’ll find him.

Piper: When?

Seth: I don’t know, but we will. In the meantime, call me if you need me.

“Piper, Florence is downstairs,” Mom repeats.

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“You can’t stay in your room forever.”

Oh, but I can, and maybe I will until Archer gets back.

I pull the covers over my head. “Wake me up when Archer is home.”

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