Page 7 of The End of Me

I enter the living room and look at the wall where I have a dozen frames of us. A recollection of our time together. From the first day when we started preschool until last Christmas.

I trace all his features with my index finger the same way I do every morning when I wake up and every night before I cry myself to sleep.

“Where are you, Arch?”

There’s no answer, just the soundless uncertainty of the future and the pain of the present.

A tear rolls down as the deafening silence squeezes my lungs, sucking all the air out of them. I can barely breathe. I drop to the floor, feeling like I’m about to die. I pull my legs close to my chest and hug them. I pray for this to be over. I don’t want to exist in a place where Archer is no longer with me.

“Please come back,” I beg between sobs. “I just need you to be back with me.”

I don’t know how long I cry, but at some point, the door’s sensor chimes, alerting me that someone is in the house. A moment later, a male voice says, “Here she is.”

A pair of strong arms pick me up. When I open my eyes, I notice it’s one of my favorite people, my cousin Gabe.

“Breathe, Pipe,” he says, concern etched on his face. “Bring water, Seth. I bet she’s dehydrated.”

I’m having trouble breathing or speaking. My legs and arms tingle.

“What’s happening to her?” This time it’s Jude’s voice.

“Another panic attack? She’s crying a lot and not drinking enough water? Who knows? I don’t have much experience as a doctor yet, and it’s unethical to treat my family. I can’t believe no one noticed she disappeared until now, fuck.” Gabe’s voice is loud and angry. “Didn’t I say we needed to have someone watching her twenty-four-seven?”

“It was Arch’s funeral,” Jude says defensively. “We left immediately.”

“He’s not dead,” I sob.

“Pipe.” Gabe sighs with such sadness I begin to cry even more.

“Jude, we don’t say his name,” Seth chides Jude.

“There’s so much censorship here.” Jude’s voice doesn’t have the usual lightness to it. I bet he’s just as sad as the rest of us.

Archer was part of our group. He was like a brother to these three, and now…

“He’s not dead,” Seth insists. “I would know, just like her.”

“How?” Gabe questions.

“It’s complicated, okay? When you’re so close to someone, you can feel their energy, even though they’re thousands of miles away from you,” I explain, and Seth nods in agreement.

“Fine, we’ll shut up.” Gabe exhales out loud.

Once I calm down, I ask, “What are you three doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Seth answers. “You said you were going to the funeral.”

I shake my head. “No, I said I was going to say goodbye.”

“To the house?” Jude arches an eyebrow.

I grimace. “No. To wallow in self-pity?”

The three of them burst into laughter.

Gabe gives methe look. The one that saysstop bullshitting me and tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.

“Why are you here?” Gabe flicks both eyebrows up.

---