Page 19 of April is for Asher

And just like I expected, it goes right to voicemail. Then I leave a message explaining about the car crash, including every detail that I can cram into it. All the while praying to God that she will listen to it and understand. Praying with urgency that we can work this out.

Then I call back again, leaving a second voicemail.

I tell her that I want to be part of both of their lives. Also that she wasn't fooling herself because I too was imagining what our life could be like these past couple weeks and how badly I want her. I want our baby here, and growing up here. Most of all, I want what we've had, but I want even more.

Then I sit there and wait.

I wait, praying against hope that she will call me back.

That we can talk about this.

That there's a chance for us after all.

When my phone rings, I scramble so fast to answer it. I don't even check the caller ID.

“Jenna, please let me explain,” I say, but it's Ford's voice that greets me instead.

“Well,I guess that answers whether you will be joining us tonight or not. What happened?”

I completely forgot that the couple's dinner was tonight. We were supposed to join Emma and Jackson, Ford and Luna, and Miles and Kinley for dinner.

“No, we won't be making it. The doctor's appointment was today and on the way, a car crashed in front of me. It swerved off the road and flipped. The accident was horrible. Of course, I had to stop and help them. It was a family with a young kid in the car. The entire process of helping them and making sure medical help got there took a lot of time. Then I had to give my statement to the authorities. I missed the appointment, but Jenna wouldn't let me explain. She was very upset that I didn’t show up. And when I came home, she had packed her stuff and left and I have not talked to her,” I pour my heart out. Then I hang up and go into the kitchen.

I pour myself a drink down it and then pour another one. Everything hurt, thinking that I had her here and I was so close to having everything that I wanted. Then in one afternoon with something that was completely unavoidable, I've lost everything.

The woman that I now know I am head over heels in love with. Not just the mother of my child, but I in love my child.

I don't know what to do. All I know is it hurts.

It hurts more than the time that I was kicked by that bull in Phoenix.

It hurts more than the time that the horse at the Las Vegas Rodeo stomped on my foot, breaking more bones than I can count.

My entire body feels like that pain, only magnified.

Grabbing the bottle, I head into the living room, collapsing on the couch and think.

If can't get her to listen about what happened, how the hell am I going to win her back?

I don't know how long I sit on that couch or how many drinks in I am, but next thing I know, Jensen and his brother Jonas are walking through the front door. They are followed by Owen and Ace.

“Ford called us and told us what happened. He said it was probably not a good idea for you to be alone,” Jensen says, walking over and plucking the bottle out of my hand.

They seem to understand that I don't want to talk about it because we start discussing things going on in town, the horses, and Ruby. That is, until all the couples show up after their dinner.

Once again, I relay what happened for the girls, who want much more detailed information than Ford got from me.

“It was a very important appointment and I guarantee you her hormones are running strong. Once she comes around and comes down, and listens to your voicemail, I think she'll change her mind,” Emma says,

“I'm not so sure,” I say.

Then I show them the letter and everyone reads it as it gets passed around.

Once Luna reads it, she gets up and comes to sit down next to me.

“You know, we've had a lot of time to talk over the last couple weeks, and one thing that I learned about Jenna is that she didn't really have it easy growing up,” Luna says.

“I know about her sister being sick,” I say, assuming that's where she's going.

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