Page 28 of Brutal Knight

It was like she was empty. It was like she was a ghost, nothing behind her eyes, nothing behind the actions. She was just mechanically going through the motions. It was fucking awful.

Willow starts to shut down. I can almost see shutters slide over her eyes, blocking off the bare light that they held. For just a minute, it looks like she might cry.

But then she tries to move closer and put her mouth on me again.

This time, I stop her, one hand on her shoulder.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Something snaps. She stands suddenly, turning to walk away—she’s not running, but I know she’s trying to slip out the door.

I catch her and hold her to the wall, keeping my body far enough that we don’t touch. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I don’t want this to happen again. Not until I have an answer.

“What the hell was that about?” I press, my voice firm. “Why did you do it if you weren’t enjoying it?”

Willow’s eyes finally dart to mine. For a second, I think about what it would be like to give in. God, she’s beautiful. When she touched me, I thought I’d found heaven.

I thought somehow, magically, she’d decided I was good enough to trust. To touch.

I was excited. I imagined what I’d do after she finished blowing me. I imagined holding her, so careful with her soft body. I imagined tangling my fingers in her hair, making her blush, making her smile.

God, I wanted to see her smile.

But that won’t happen. Willow looks up at me, then looks away.

“What? What does it matter?”

“It matters—”

“Once we’re married, you’ll fuck me whatever way you like,” she blurts. “Whether I want it or not.”

Those few words make my stomach turn. It makes my chest tight, a spark of anger flaring to life inside me.

I know she’s speaking from experience. She’s talking about Dmitri.

It pisses me off. It makes me fucking furious to think about that piece of shit having someone as beautiful and soft as Willow, using her like something to be beaten around and discarded when he got bored. I can’t think about how he would have mistreated her. It makes me want to dig him up and kill him again myself, this time.

Willow doesn’t look at me. Her eyes are fixed on my chest, avoiding all contact.

I wonder if she thinks I’ll do something he would do. I hate that thought. Willow has never known anything else, but I still wish she could just see.

I don’t know how else to prove to her that I’m different. I’ve done what I can, but now it’s a matter of time. And even then, she may never really trust me.

I just have to keep trying.

I take her chin in my hand and turn her face toward me. “Listen to me. I won’t ever force you. Ever.”

Willow glances up at me, but her eyes shift down again after just a second. I know it’s not personal, but I hate it. I hate this. I clench my jaw, then start again.

“I’m marrying you for a business arrangement, and to protect you. But I won’t ever force you.”

I can tell she doesn’t believe me.

I want to say more, to convince her somehow. But I have no clue how the hell to do that. What could I say that hasn’t been said? What could I say that sounds genuine?

I’m sure Dmitri told her lies. I’m sure he pretended to care at first. But I’m not him, as much as she might feel like it.

It doesn’t matter anymore. The moment is over. I tuck myself away and step back from her, putting some much-needed distance between us. I can’t think half-dressed, and I know this won’t continue. Not after what I’ve said.

---