Page 38 of Brutal Knight

“It’s just as beautiful now,” Violet replies, a makeup brush in her hand as she examines my face.

“I’m sure it is,” I whisper.

“You should really take a look,” Rose insists. “I know how nerve-wracking this is. But it’ll help, even a little.”

I want to tell her that it won’t. I know what Rose is trying to say, how she’s trying to connect with me. But while we both had arranged marriages, mine is the second one I’ve experienced. And the first was one where I suffered horribly.

We aren’t alike. I’m alone in this, just like I’ve always been.

And I have nowhere to run.

Rose and Violet continue talking to me, but I barely listen. It’s a blur. I don’t know how long I’m waiting in that room, but it begins to feel like hell. It’s just an eternal moment of fear and dread, holding me to the floor as I wait for the inevitable. I wish I could speed it up and get it over with, but I also wish I never had to leave this room.

Eventually, though, I do have to leave. Rose and Violet guide me out, and Aiden is waiting at the door for me.

Some tiny part of me wants to cry. At least at my first wedding, I was properly given away. Now, I don’t even have that. I have Connor’s brother, his gaze landing on me and making me feel like some sort of caged, wild animal.

What does he think? Does he think his poor brother is being chained to a broken shell of a woman? Does he think I’m going to be nothing but trouble?

I don’t have time to find out. Rose and Violet slip away, and then the music starts.

They were right about it being beautiful. It looks like a real wedding, decked out with flowers and decorations. It looks polished and magnificent, like this took months to plan and was all meant to be the way it is. There’s nothing rushed or forced about it.

They did that right. I know the way the Assembly works. The politics of events like this are complicated. They made it look this way to say that our marriage is real, that it’s the foundation of something bigger.

I can’t help but feel like this foundation will bury me.

Aiden starts to guide me down as the doors open. I almost feel like I’m holding my breath as we go, my eyes unfocused as I train them somewhere down the aisle, above the head of the priest.

But I catch a glimpse of blue out of the corner of my eye, and I can’t help turning to look.

Hydrangeas.

I almost think I’m hallucinating for a second. Soft blue and white hydrangeas decorate the pews in little bouquets, soft fabric draped between them. Every flower, every color detail, is exactly right. Exactly what I told him.

He did this. I know Connor is the one behind all of it. He tried to make this nice for me, even though he knew what it would be like for me to marry him.

My husband-to-be took every good thing I told him and tried to fit it into the wedding.

My heart twists and clenches, almost painful but somehow warm at the same time. I don’t know what it is I’m feeling, but whatever it is, it pulls me into the moment. I’m no longer staring at nothing. I’m looking down the aisle toward Connor.

I can’t help but wish it didn’t have to be like this.

He’s handsome. He looks almost breathtaking up there, the light shining through a stained glass window behind him. The blues and reds are soft against the hard lines of his jaw and cheekbones, illuminating just how strong his features are. He looks masculine and gorgeous all at once.

God, would he make a woman happy. Maybe he’d even make me happy, if it wasn’t like this.

I reach the altar and stand with him. I barely notice Aiden step back and away. It’s just me and Connor, standing face-to-face as the service begins.

I don’t listen much. I just look at Connor, trying to find some hint of what he is in his face. Is he a good man? A great one? I know he helped me get sober, but did he do it for me, or did he do it for him?

I try to find a clue in his eyes. I look and look, right until I hear the words that mean we have to say our vows. Connor opens his mouth, but before he can speak, the doors to the church slam open.

My gaze darts in that direction, drawn by the sound.

And my heart stops in my chest.

CHAPTER14

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