Page 36 of Brutal Knight

It seems like she really has no one.

But that’s going to change for her. I’ll make sure of it.

“You said hydrangeas earlier. Are those your favorite flowers?”

“Yeah.” She smiles a little, so small it’s almost invisible. “I used to imagine having a garden when I finally had a house, where I could grow as many as I want.”

Her smile is heartbreaking. It’s lovely, but it’s so restrained that it hurts. I wish I could tell her that she’s free, she can smile if she wants. I won’t let anyone hurt her.

But I know it’s too soon. I know I can’t tell her I would give her space to garden, that I would love to see her grow flowers.

And it seems like she’s starting to realize she’s opening up. As soon as she answers me, she pulls back a little, realizing how close we are. It takes all of my control not to try to pull her back.

I can see her disconnect, but there’s something in her eyes that seems confused. Hopeful, maybe.

I miss the connection almost immediately. Willow is there one moment and the next, she just slips away, back to wherever she came from.

I wish I could pull her back, or call out and get her to turn around. But as much as I know we don’t have time, I don’t want to taint this memory for her by chasing her down. I don’t want to make all the good things that happened worse.

I watch her leave, and as soon as she’s gone, a thick silence settles around me.

Fuck.

CHAPTER13

Willow

Somehow, without me ever acknowledging that it’s looming on the horizon, my wedding day arrives anyway.

The days have flown by. Everything has moved so fast—even though I’ve been ignoring the day, I knew it was coming. It was always in the back of my mind. But still, I’m blindsided by how I’m suddenly here.

The days have been a blur, a push-and-pull dance with Connor. I keep accidentally opening up to him, getting closer. And then, of course, I back away.

I don’t know what to think about it. He’s never chased me, never tried to push when I get close. I keep expecting him to rush things, but he doesn’t. He just lets me do what I want, however fast I need it.

I stand in my bedroom and stare at myself in the mirror. I can’t fathom how I came to think of this as my bedroom in the first place, just like I can’t understand how I got here, standing before the mirror. None of it feels quite real.

I did my hair alone. It took a long time, but I couldn’t sleep, so I was awake early enough to start. I took all my dark curls and pinned them up, keeping them clear of my neck. It took me a few minutes to realize that Dmitri never would have let me do that.

He wanted my hair down to hide the bruises.

I didn’t consciously decide to disobey him when I chose this style today. But I did, and it makes me feel a little triumphant. I’m able to do what I want with my hair.

In another world, this would have happened like it did the first time—people fussing over me, strangers and experts sliding pins into my hair and chattering about how lovely the church looks. I would have gone by a salon, would have sipped champagne and wound myself up for the event.

That’s not the way it is now.

Connor never told me things would happen one way or another. He just seemed to accept that I wanted as much time alone as possible, so he told me when we would leave and who would help me get into my dress. And that was it.

I stare at myself in the mirror and try not to compare everything with my first wedding. I don’t even want to think of that day.

I haven’t done much with my makeup. I only had a few things left over from what Connor must have saved for me, from Dmitri’s house. I can’t imagine he would have known what to do if he had to buy everything himself.

I took care to look presentable. I did more than the minimum, less than what I would if I was really invested in this. I took care of my hair and makeup, made it as simple as I could for a wedding.

I didn’t want to do nothing. I have to try. It’s just one more holdover from my time with Dmitri.

He never wanted anyone to know the truth, and he wanted a perfect wife at his side. I didn’t go anywhere with him if I wasn’t absolutely dressed and had a full face of makeup on. There was no arguing about it. It was expected of me.

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