Page 35 of Traces of Her

Twenty-Two

ROWENA

“THERE’S MY CUE.” Jared hops out of the chair. “Take a seat, Ghost. Griffin will be here in a minute.”

I stare after Jared as he practically bounces out of the room like he’s a little kid going to a carnival. He’s psychotic and a piece of shit, but his attitude and demeanor is surprisingly refreshing.

Turning my attention back to the screen, I see Lydia hanging with Scarlet chirping nonsense in her face and Griffin’s leaving the room after a few words with Jared. Griffin’s footsteps sound down the hallway while I continue to stare at the picture in front of me. Suddenly, Lydia’s head snaps up and she glances around frantically, searching for someone or something.

“Rowena,” Griffin calls from the doorway. “Let’s go home,” he says quietly with his hand outstretched.

Glancing back at the screen, feelings of guilt rush through me. I’ve been where she is before and I hate leaving her behind.

“Okay,” I say, rising to my feet and walking to him, taking his hand in mine. He proved me right, in that basement with Lydia. He and Jared were nothing alike, or he would have accepted my challenge and joined in on Jared’s game. Whatever he did while he was with Lydia was the complete opposite.

I let him lead me back through the dark, filthy house and outside into the brisk air. He opens the passenger side door for me, holding my hand as I climb in and shuts the door behind me.

Staring up at the rundown house, I swear to myself one thing that I have to do.

I have to get Lydia out of that house, even if it costs me my own life.

The ride back to Griffin’s house is silent, with both of us lost in our own minds, caught up in our own thoughts. We move like robots, programmed to go through the typical motions of coming home. I walk through the house, running on autopilot and when we part ways to get our own showers, no words are spoken.

Throughout life, we’ve both seen and been a part of some pretty traumatic experiences but after today, being on the other side is a whole other ball game. The numbness has set in after being desensitized to horrific things that would bother most people. I felt bad for Lydia but was proud of her strength at the same time, her body’s resilience and the fact that it still wasn’t giving up on her. The sick part of me was fascinated by Jared and the way his mind works to bring a scenario like this to life. And then there was my heart. That stupid fucking organ that should have withered away by now. Griffin owned it and he betrayed it.

I’m feeling sadness, love, betrayal, guilt, admiration, and numbness all at once and it was the ultimate mindfuck.

What was real anymore?

Was everything a lie, was there ever any truth?

I’ve always thought I was lost. Just a nameless ghost wandering through life.

But I was wrong. A ghost wanders with purpose, searching for their soul to be saved.

What I’m feeling right now, this is what it truly feels like to be lost.

Sitting on my bed, wrapped in nothing but a towel, I stare into space, lost not only in my mind but alone in the world. It was never a thought before, even after everything, but sitting here now has me questioning how worth it really is to be here on this earth. We live on a decaying planet, our souls trapped inside decaying bodies. And then what? Nothing? Even more nothingness than we experience in life as it is? If I’m going to be lost and alone, I’d rather just be nothing.

“Rowena,” Griffin says softly through the door with a gentle knock. “Are you still awake?”

I don’t bother looking at the door. “Come in,” I reply in a monotone voice.

The air instantly grows thick with tension as he quietly steps into the room, his breath catching in his throat when he sees me sitting on the bed. I continue my stare down with the wall as he stands by the door and I feel his eyes on me. The floorboards creak as he shifts his weight and clears his throat, letting out a strangled noise.

“Can we talk?” he says hesitantly, breaking through the heavy silence hanging in the air.

Tearing my gaze away from the wall I look up at him, meeting his heated dark eyes still fixated on me. He’s standing just barely in the room in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. It’s the first that I’ve seen him without a shirt on and I don’t bother fighting the urge to stare, taking in every inch of his muscular body that’s covered in ink. Glancing down at myself, I realize that I have nothing but a towel on and what once would have made me uncomfortable does the opposite. I’m ready to throw in the towel, figuratively and literally and pull him onto the bed on top of me.

Looking back up at him, I give him a small smile, gently patting the spot on the bed beside me. His eyes drop down to my bare feet and slowly trail back up my body, resting on my face. He comes to me and the mattress dips down under the weight of his body. He sits close enough that his bare knee isn’t touching mine, but the heat radiating from his skin burns into mine.

Shifting slightly, he positions himself to face me. “I’m sorry for what you had to see tonight at Jared’s. I had no idea what we were walking in to there and taking you there was a terrible idea.”

“There wasn’t any reason for me to not be there,” I retort, looking him straight in the eye. “We need to get Lydia out of there and I think I can help,” I confess.

“Help?” he scoffs. “You’re a fucking distraction which isn’t helpful, and I don’t trust Jared being anywhere near you.”

“Trust?” I ask in disbelief, rising to my feet. “YOU want to talk about trust?”

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