Page 6 of Traces of Her

Three

ROWENA

Thirteen Years Old

AFTER GETTING MY NIGHTLY SHOWER and brushing my teeth, Janet and Phil make sure I’m secure in Maggie’s bedroom. One by one, each lock clicks, ensuring that I cannot escape. I sit down on the edge of the bed and stare at the black T.V. screen. My fourteenth birthday is in two days, but we don’t celebrate my birthday. We only celebrate Maggie’s, so I turned fourteen three months ago. With all of the days running together, my only reminder of the date is the calendar they have in their kitchen.

I should be at home, with my real family, celebrating my birthday with them. Most days it felt like it was getting easier, forgetting about my life before coming here. But today I miss my mom and dad more than I ever have. I need to know that they’re okay and for them to know I didn’t run away. These people took me, without anyone ever noticing.

It happened on the anniversary of Maggie’s death. My mom sent me to their house to give Maggie’s parents some flowers from our family. I expected them to keep the flowers but didn’t expect them to keep me too. I showed up on their front porch and Janet came to the door, eagerly took the flowers and inviting me into the house for a visit.

She was so nice to me, acting so happy to see me. I tried to explain that I had to get home; I was under strict orders to drop them off and come home. She promised it would be a quick visit and ushered me inside into their sitting room. We sat down and talked about things I can’t recall.

I remember her asking if I wanted a drink, but I told her no. She insisted that I try this sweet tea she made so I tried it, not knowing she had ulterior motives. After drinking some, I remember feeling sleepy and everything going fuzzy.

The next thing I know, I’m waking up in Maggie’s bed. And that’s when it all began. Phil was the first to come to the room, right before the doorbell rang. He came in the door with a knife, pushing it up against my neck. “If you make a sound, I’ll kill you and your entire family. Do you understand?”

Fear spiked throughout my body and tears quickly sprung to my eyes. Unsure of what to do, I carefully nodded my head to avoid cutting my throat on the blade.

“I would be the last person the Russians would come after, so don’t think I won’t do it.” He abruptly stood up, pulling the blade away from my throat and quickly shut the bedroom door before running downstairs.

When Phil and Janet answered the front door, I could vaguely hear a police officer questioning them; asking about me. I wanted to yell out for help, to let them know they took me, that I’m right here in their house. But I didn’t. I sat on the floor with my arms wrapped around me, silently crying. The last I had heard was the police officer thanking them and the front door shutting.

In that moment I knew my fate was sealed.

There was no getting out.

I turn on the T.V. and crawl under the covers. They have parental controls set on the cable box, so I only have a few channels to choose from. I put on Planet Earth and roll onto my side, away from the door. I leave the show on for background noise, as I can’t bear the silence in this room. The silence is a deafening reminder that this isn’t where I belong.

It doesn’t take long for me to fall into a dreamless sleep.

My eyes slowly peel open as I hear the door crack open and softly close. My eyes grow wide and my body grows still as the bed slowly dips down under someone’s weight as they crawl into my bed. Staring straight ahead, I try to even my breathing and not let it be known that I am no longer asleep. I smell the liquor on his breath as he wraps his arms around me, resting his face on mine. The stubble on his cheek tickles my skin, but I don’t dare to move a muscle.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. With Maggie, I wasn’t allowed to, but with you, it’s completely different; God has given me his approval. He has presented you to me, to provide comfort for my wife and me,” he breathes into my ear as his hand dips under the waistband of my panties. “Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with the opportunity and comfort to fulfill my desires.”

I feel the tips of his fingers touch the smooth naked skin of the most private part of my body. Instantly, my mind goes blank. The sensation of his hand violating me and touching me in places where he doesn’t belong vanishes. I don’t wince when he shoves his fat sausage fingers into me. When he pulls his cock out of his pants, I ignore the feeling of his skin against mine. His heavy panting and hot breath against my neck disappears in the stale air of the room. My mind floats with the stale air and out the window into the cool night. No thoughts consume my mind. Just a calm, emptiness. I’m completely empty and alone in this world.

I vaguely hear him tense up and grunt, emptying himself onto me. I don’t move as he gets up and roughly wipes me off with some tissues. He leans down and kisses my temple, smoothing back my hair. When I don’t move, he steps back and stares down at me. “You’re like a dead fucking corpse, lying there pretending you don’t want it.” He shakes his head while I keep my focus on the wall. “One day, when I’m finally inside you, that will be a whole different story, sweetheart.” He walks over to the door, slowly turning the handle. “I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep tight.”

I hear the door softly close and all of the locks click one by one. I readjust my clothing and get comfortable in Maggie’s bed. There once was a time when I would pull the blanket straight up to my chin, as if that would keep the monsters away. Since I’ve been here, I’ve learned that nothing keeps the monsters away. The only thing that you can protect is your mind. And as long as you keep it blank and clear, it remains pure and can’t be tainted. I roll onto my back and stare at the door. The locks may be to keep me in here, yet they offer a sort of comfort of their own.

Finally closing my eyes, his last words replay in my head. I let out a deep sigh.

Tonight wasn’t the first time.

And the next won’t be the last.

I push the words out of my head and focus on the nothing. I let the emptiness wrap itself around my body, holding me in a tight cocoon. No thoughts come to my mind, no dreams fill my sleep.

The void stays empty.

Blank.

Pure.

I drift off somewhere dark, far beyond the light, into the silence. My own abyss.

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