Page 49 of Make Me Swoon

“Remember when we went out the night after we graduated from culinary school?” Heather asks and I can’t take it any longer.

“I’m going to head to the bathroom,” I say, excusing myself and Hudson reaches out, his hand squeezing mine as I pass behind him.

I head to the bathroom and splash some water on my face. Today did not go the way that I wanted it to go. I was so excited to be meeting his friends and what that could mean for our relationship and now I’m just desperate to get out of here.

One day with his friends and I’m questioning where I stand with Hudson and if I’m good enough for him. One day and I’m back to feeling lost.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I pull it out, hoping that it’s Sutton again or one of the girls and I can ask them to call me so that I can leave this dinner party from hell.

It’s not.

Heidi:You need to answer Mom.

Heidi: Do you have any idea how rude it is to just not respond?

Heidi: No wonder she’s so disappointed in you.

These texts arethe last thing that I need right now, and I blink back tears. I don’t even know what she’s talking about. My mom hasn’t tried to call or text me in days and I answered her last message about the dress size days ago.

I can’t do this. I can’t do any of this.

My eyes sting as I hold back the tears and I pull up my messages so that I can text Hudson that I have a headache and am heading home. I know that I should go out and say goodbye to everyone, but I just can’t. I don’t want them to see me close to tears and I don’t want Hudson to try to stop me.

Lyla:Sorry to eat and run but I have the worst headache. Have fun and tell your friends I said that it was nice meeting them. I’ll talk to you later.

Hudson: Are you alright? Want to lie down here?

Lyla: I’m fine. Just too much honey and sun ?

Hudson: Are you sure?

Lyla: Yeah, I’ll be fine.

I hit send asI grab my purse from the kitchen stool that I left it on and head out the front door.

I debate texting Sutton, Madelyn, and Iris and asking them if they want to grab a drink or talk, but everything feels too fresh and I just want to be left alone.

I climb up the stairs to my apartment, locking the door behind me before I head back to my bedroom. I peel off my clothes, pulling on some pajamas and collapsing in bed.

The tears come then and I cry. I cry for everything that I’m about to lose.

My father always raised me that if you love someone, then you should want what’s best for them. I know that I love Hudson, but am I really what’s best for him?

I’m not like him. I don’t have anything figured out. I don’t have a career or some fancy degree. The most prestigious job that I’ve had was probably working at that law firm and I hated every minute of it.

Shouldn’t Hudson be with someone more like him? I can’t even cook without burning something. How long before he grows bored with me or realizes that he could do better and breaks up with me?

Maybe I should do us both a favor and end it now before I fall for him any further.

That thought has more tears spilling free and I wrap my comforter around me, curling up in the center of the bed, and crying myself to sleep.

SEVENTEEN

Hudson’s friends left today and I have a feeling that means the end of me being able to avoid Hudson anymore.

That thought is proven true when there’s a knock on my door.

I stop packing my bags and head over to answer it.

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