Page 64 of Make Me Swoon

“Phoenix, do you want to play dolls?” Faith asks and I can’t say yes fast enough.

“Sounds good!”

I hurry over to her side and try not to let either of them see just how rattled I am. I’m going to need to keep Faith between the two of us from now on. That way I won’t be so tempted.

She hands me a doll and I sit down cross-legged next to her and the dollhouse. Faith launches into playtime and I do my best to ignore the way that Jameson leans on the bedroom wall watching us.

Faith is so sweet though, with such a wild imagination, that soon I’m laughing and totally immersed with playing dolls. I forget about Jameson and my attraction to him. I forget about my worry for my friend who just got out of the hospital or my student loan bills.

That’s why I love being around kids. I didn’t have the easiest upbringing. My mom left me with my grandma when I was just a kid and I never knew who my father was. I’m not sure that my mom knew either.

Grandma did her best to raise me and she was the absolute greatest person that you could ever meet. She was so full of life and I know that she loved me. Still though, we never had much money and I know that she was worried about bills and being able to afford everything that we needed. I had promised myself that I would graduate and get a good job so that I could support her for a change and I was close to doing just that.

Then she passed away.

Losing her was like losing a piece of myself. So, I threw myself into work. I took the first nanny job that was offered to me and I’ve been hopping from one family to the next for the last three years.

I miss having a home though, a permanent one anyway, but finding one when Grams isn’t still here somehow feels like a betrayal to her.

I had these big plans to pay off our house and take care of her and it’s not fair that none of them happened. Even all these years later, it still hurts.

I know that that’s why I accepted so many jobs and why I haven’t taken a break since she passed and I graduated. I know that she wouldn’t want me to be alone. I know that she would want me to get married and have kids and a family of my own and I know that feeling like doing any of those things is a betrayal to her is crazy, but I can’t help but feel that way.

I promised myself at her funeral that I would save up enough money to buy back our house. That way I’ll always feel close to her.

So, I can’t get too attached to Jameson or Faith. I can’t start thinking of this place as home because it never will be. After this job, I should have enough saved up and then I’m going back to Michigan. I’m going home.

“Are you hungry?” Jameson asks us and I glance over at him.

His brown eyes meet mine and I swallow hard. For some reason, looking at him while I sit in Faith’s bedroom feels a lot like home to me, a lot like how I felt when Grams was still alive.

THREE

Jameson

“So… how’s the new nanny?”Niall asks with a knowing grin the next day.

I ignore him, grunting as I finish my set, but he doesn’t take the hint and I know that I’m not getting out of this conversation easily. The only good thing is that Finn is still at home with Sylvie, helping her recover and resting after his fight still, so at least I only have to dodge questions from one of them.

“Yeah, I was wondering the same thing,” Kit says as he wanders over and I groan as I rack the bar back in the stand and sit up.

Brooks passes me a towel and I wipe the sweat from my face.

“Things are going fine. Faith loves her and—”

“And you love her,” Niall finishes and I roll my eyes but truthfully, I don’t think that he’s far off.

“And she’s doing great,” I finish and Kit, Brooks, and Niall all share a look.

“So, she’s staying then?” Kit asks and I nod.

“Yeah, she accepted the job and is all moved in.”

“Be honest, is it in your bedroom?” Niall asks and I throw the towel at him as Brooks tries to hide his laugh.

“No, I can’t do that to Faith. We finally found someone that she loves and I’m not going to do anything to mess it up.”

That statement earns me skeptical looks from all of them.

---