Page 33 of Nicoli

“Your first, most profound instinct has always been to protect her, Nicoli. And it’s been like that since the moment that little girl walked into our lives. It’s always been you and her. I dunno.” Alexius throws his hands in his air, exasperated. “Since day one, you two just gravitated toward one another. Like,” he places his hands on his hips, shrugging, “you’re two people with one soul.”

It’s as if someone is tearing my spine out of my body, reaching through my rib cage to grab my heart and squeeze every last drop of blood from it. The lump in my throat makes it impossible to swallow, so I grit my teeth and clench my jaw, forcing it down because that seems easier to do than acknowledge that Alexius is right. We are connected by an invisible force that seems unchangeable. Unbreakable. The little girl with the yellow jacket has always been the innocence I’ve been compelled to protect.

“Fine,” I say with a sigh, resigning myself to his authoritative decline of my request. “I’ll stay. But you should know that every second I spend here in this house makes me fucking miserable.”

“I know you’re hiding something from me.” Alexius pins me with his pointed stare. “You and Maximo…and Dad. The three of you have been hiding something from me for years, and I don’t know what it is. But I’m willing to bet it has something to do with why you’re not allowing yourself to love—”

“Stop using that word,” I warn.

“What is it? What are you hiding, Nicoli?”

My stomach coils, barbed wire tearing at my insides. “I’m not hiding anything.”

“Bullshit. I’ve always known you and Maximo share a secret. And I know it’s deep because there’s no other explanation why you’d keep it from me other than you’re protecting her. That’s why I’ve never asked, never tried to figure it out.” Alexius walks around his desk to stand in front of me, his blue eyes no longer soft shades of sympathy but rather hard lines of resolve. “Do not put me in a position where I have to force that secret out in the open…because I will do it. I will not hesitate to dig up whatever it is you’ve been so desperate to hide that you’re willing to sacrifice your own happiness for it. You’re staying here, Nicoli. And that’s the end of it.”

The finality in his tone nails the end of our conversation. He won’t let me leave. And the truth is, I don’t want to leave. The only reason running off to Tuscany seems like one of the best bad ideas I’ve had is to stop the selfish prick in me from taking what I don’t deserve. After what almost happened in the hallway last night, I don’t trust myself around her. I don’t trust myself to put her needs before mine, and she needs to stay the fuck away from me. And if getting the hell away from here is not an option, then I’ll just have to try harder and do better to keep a promise I made years ago.

I put down my glass and grab the whiskey bottle. “You’re right. There’s always been this connection between Mira and me, and no matter how far away I try to run or how much time passes, it’s like an invisible bond that will always be there…whether by love or hate…it doesn’t matter which one.” I take a large swig from the bottle, turning my back on my brother as I walk out. “But I choose hate.”

ChapterTwelve

NICOLI

My phone rings. It’s security, and I already know why they’re calling.

I swipe across the screen, my cigar locked between my lips, and the smoke caked around my fingers. The ice in my glass clinks as I swirl the bourbon around its crystal confinement. “Yes? She’s with me. You can let her in.” I pause, inhaling deeply for courage. “Tell Mira I must talk to her when she gets home.” I hang up, throwing my head back and praying the end of the world will happen within the next sixty seconds. But, of course, I’m not that lucky.

With a heavy sigh, I put out my cigar and empty my glass. The sting of the alcohol tingles my lips and burns as it slides down my throat. I’m painfully aware that the spike in courage and the slight reprieve the alcohol offers is only temporary. But tonight, I’ll settle for temporary. The bourbon numbs me, and that’s what I need right now. To be numb. Emotions brought me to this point where I have to take such drastic measures. It’s feelings that had me thinking leaving this house and skipping town is my only option. But since Alexius declined my request, and the mere fact that I won’t be able to protect her when I’m halfway across the world, I’m left with no other choice. There is no other option.

I open my bedside drawer and reach all the way to the back for the tiny red box I know is there. It’s been a long time since I opened it. I don’t like wandering around in the past because it always results in a fuckton of what-ifs.

What if that night never happened?

What if I had been more careful?

What if she never overheard that conversation?

What if I didn’t attend her eighteenth birthday party only to notice that the little girl in the yellow dress had become a woman?

The list goes on. There are too many what-ifs, and allowing my mind to wander too deep will surely drive me mad.

I lift the red lid from the box that’s hardly big enough to hold a bracelet. There’s a sharp pang in my chest as I remove the white ribbon with a cherished memory attached to it. Its shape and feel of silk are still familiar to me. It was such a long time ago, but I remember it so clearly.

“Hello, Nicoli.”

I fold my fingers around the ribbon and slip it into my pants pocket. I let out a breath, closing my eyes for a second, draining my glass and steeling my balls to do what needs to be fucking done.

“Hello, Paula,” I say, turning to face her. Her sleek black hair is pulled back in a high ponytail that highlights her sharp jawline and perfect cheekbones. Her legs seem to go on for days underneath her short navy-blue dress that clings to her body’s curves like a second skin.

‘I don’t like girls who wear short dresses. And her dress was way too short.’

“It’s been a while.” She leans against the doorframe, her cherry lip gloss glistening under the light of my bedroom. “I must admit, I was quite surprised when you called me last night.”

“One could say I’ve been feeling a little…nostalgic.”

Her leering gaze slithers down my body, and she bites her lip when she stares right at my crotch. “It’s been too long.”

“No strings, Paula,” I warn, and she shoots me a coy smile.

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