Page 115 of The Promise

“Me? How?”

“Jas, we’ve never dealt with how you withheld so much about yourself from me while slowly stealing my heart. Our foundation was built on passion and distrust. I’ve never gotten over that. And then…” I shook my head. “I’m watching you in real-time with another woman you’re giving your full name and address to. Does she know about the murders—” I slapped my glossed lips, eyes wildly in search of anyone who may have heard me.

Jas shook his head, taking a deep breath. “If I haven’t apologized for that, please know I’m sorry for the way I handled shit back then. You gotta understand, Ashira, I was falling hard, too—for the first time in my life. Yeah, Josie knows about my charges, but I’ve never told her about my work in the streets. It was easy to tell you about me being locked up when we first met. You scared the shit outta me. You were otherworldly, and to be real, I ain’t want no parts of your kind.”

“See! I’ve always felt this arm’s length rejection from you. Always. Why?”

Jas turned away, rocking from his knees. “Because you’ve been my weakness.” He couldn’t look at me. “Even when I first saw you at sixteen. Man, my dick ain’t have no play in the excitement. That shit was all in my heart and mind that day. Ashira, I got into building because you were connected to it as a child. Before coming to your crib in Milburn that day in the summer, I ain’t have no legal ambition. Your whole family set the visual for my future.

“I wanted a legit life with financial security. That was the first thing on my original list; an upper-crust family. I wanted a badass, fuckable wife. That was another bullet. I wanted a perfectly pretty family—hell, a little girl even, who looked like her beautiful mother. That was another one on the list. I ran for a few years after that, but it was always stowed in the back of my mind. Prison only slowed my ass down to really pursue the list. So when I saw you inBrown Barista, fuck no, I wanted no parts of you. I was already on my way to pursuing my list. I felt your snobbish vibes out the gate.”

I scoffed, shifting away. “Snobbish.”

“Take no offense.” Jas took a step closer to me. “It’s just who you are. I’m a Harlem nigga, Ashira. Our vibe is different, and I wouldn’t change that about you. I guess what I mean is my confidence was so high at the time…my focus so strong, I blocked you before giving you a fair shot.”

“But you made love to me. You could have had me in the pissy projects; that’s how open I was to you. You didn’t take that opportunity. And then, when you finally did, you made love to me on the first try. Why would you make love to a snobby girl you didn’t trust?”

“I gave you what my body and heart had for you. I was in deep at that point.”

“To not tell me your name?”

“Because I didn’t want you looking me up. Inmate records are available on the damn internet, Ashira. Remember that? I’ve told you a million times! I ain’t want you seeing that and further Googling me to find out about the case I actually beat. I told you all of this.”

“Yeah. But you didn’t tell me about working with Danny Lewinski to buy up the local competition.” Yes, I had worked through it with my therapist, but not with Jas.

“Because I separated the two. I’d been working on that before my feelings for you caught up to my ass. I offered the company back to Witherspoon.”

My mouth fell open. “What?”

“He ain’t tell you? Before Chivon was born, I met with him and offered to dead the agreement.”

“What did he say?”

“I gave him a whole month to decide. He hit me up via email, declining my offer.”

My eyes got lost in the roiling water. “I didn’t know that,” I whispered, mostly to myself. It reminded me of how my father never wanted to runWitherspoon Homes. He’d just wanted me to.

“Yeah, and I kept a few people on his staff on the strength of you. But, in all honesty, I get how you could feel betrayed by that when we remove the business. I’m sure if I had those feelings for you back when the opportunity presented itself, I would’ve moved differently.”

“You’re apologizing?” I swallowed back a rush of tears.

“I am. I respect you, Ashira. Always have. I’ve only wanted the best for you. You’re a star, a bright one that can’t be held back. That’s why I’ve only tried to support your career. You said you’re signing on with Pixie…” He clapped his hands together. “Chivon will be at, at least, one of the shows, cheering you on.”

My face twitched into a smile. “You’ve always come out with my baby to support me.”

Humbly, Jas nodded.

I turned my head away, seeing the crocodile eye flip. It was filled with so much passion it startled me.

“Jas…” My gaze remained on the water.

“Yup,” he answered softly.

“Do you want me?” I turned to him. “Like… I know you’re with someone now, but in all this time, we’ve been in this awkward place since Chi-Chi’s been born, have you wanted me?”

There’s never been a time I didn’t want you, which is why sometimes I wish I’d never met you…

“Why you ask me that?”

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