Page 146 of The Promise

Fuck it.

My feet curled as I bucked into her mouth. Then the first tear fell from her face. The bowl of cereal hit the floor just as the second flow of tears raced down to her chin. I couldn’t stop. I was coming and hard as hell. As I melted, body tremoring all over against a stiff spine, I didn’t make a sound other than my heavy breathing as my brain spun fast in my skull. This nut was met with mixed emotions. As my knees buckled, I knew her skillful performance was this for this very reaction, but she’d also done it from her pain.

When my orgasm had run its course, and I could stand straight again, I watched Ashira take to her feet. Her eyes were just fixed on me, but no words were exchanged. Her face was soaked with tears and saliva—because she sucked back my nut. Ashira didn’t play with that.

“I will never be Bella,” she spoke shakily through gritted teeth. “allowing you to commit to another woman and give me what’s left over.”

Damn!

What the fuck just happened?

She walked away, leaving me out of breath and ass naked in the den. Just as I’d done with Josie, I stood in one place, muted. This time my mind was blown, which I understood to be Ashira’s agenda. I don’t know how long I stayed there.

But when I heard, “Fuck is you doin’, yo?” I stumbled backward, losing my balance until I hit the sofa behind me. Shuffling for my ankles, I pulled my boxers up as fast as I could, which wasn’t a smooth feat as Jug walked farther into the room. “Bruh!”

He looked mad as hell.

“Yo, what the fuck is you doin’,” I begged his pardon, out of breath.

“Lookin’ at your dumb ass act like a fuckin’ boy, man. Fuckin’ Nicholas got more sense than your childish ass.”

Angry as I fixed my clothes, I asked, “The fuck you mean?”

His arms swung as he grunted, “Stop this fuckin’ game you got going. You got these chicks after you knowin’ damn well it’s only one you want. Your dumb ass ‘on’t even know how to juggle bitches. You ain’t never learned the game, and to keep it real, you ain’t built for it no way.” He stood over me, spitting as he tried keeping his voice down. This juxtaposition could get you shanked on the yard, some shit I’d never allow. But how fitting was it now, seeing how vulnerable I was after an orgasm.

“Aye, man. Don’t disrespect my sister like that either. Got her fuckin’ blowin’ you ‘cause ya other bitch pullin’ up on you without permission. That’s some pussy shit. Josie cool, but you can’t be fuckin’ with my lil’ sis, bruh. You just copped her another ring! Why the fuck you still got Josie on the hook? Man, get ya shit together, bruh!” He swung away from me, face screwed with disgust as he left the room, too.

That fucking Samson spirit wasn’t as far behind me as I thought, neither was my flesh as strong as I believed it to be.

If I thought the winter and spring were hell for me emotionally, the summer wanted in, too. Patience is a virtue for sure. I stupidly prayed for it when I decided to switch courses with Jas in Europe. The problem with beseeching it was hanging on while it arrived, kicking your ass.

I told Jas I’d wait and I had. There were no men I entertained. My time was spent working, being present with my daughter, and extending grace to her father. I made love to him with ferocious passion and listened to his heart when we’d cruise for hours on his boat. I’d be hitting the road in less than two months and wanted to milk every waking experience with the Sinclair father-daughter duo as much as possible.

It was mid-August when I flew in earlier than planned from Atlanta. Once the designer for Pixie’s upcoming tour realized I didn’t need the alterations as other dancers did, I booked a commercial flight home first thing Sunday morning. Bob had been on vacation, leaving Jas to trust me as an adult to protect myself. I drove up to his place, not recognizing the old model babyBenzparked in front of the house. Entering through the open garage, I heard chatting in the front of the house after passing the kitchen and dining room. That’s when I found the owner of the older model,C-Class, babyBenzand her sponsor. It was a culmination of jealousy and getting my ass kicked by the virtue of patience that had me attempt a better kiss on Jas than Josie after she’d strutted out of the house, sporting an accomplished grin.

Short bitch…

I didn’t dwell in my jealousy. Immediately, I got back in the ring with that bitch called patience. What was key was that I wasn’t fighting for Jas’ heart. I knew I owned the man there. When we left Europe, my only goal was to have him trust me again. Since then, I had changed. I now wanted him to give me the chance to do right by his heart. Maybe we could talk about marriage, explore what that union would look like for us. My position had officially changed about the man. I realized it was because the reformed, antisocial personality disorder-having, violent thug felon had owned my heart, too. I wasn’t competing with Josie. My heart bled for the woman, but she wasn’t my opponent: my reputation with Jas’ heart was. I held it in my hands. Now, I would exercise patience as he watched me care for it this time.

The courtesy of my patience didn’t extend to everyone, though. There were some people who, like me with Jas, needed to be held at arms-length due to the damage they caused.

Days after the Josie-gate event, we gave Chi-Chi a pool party at Jas’ place to celebrate her start of preschool. We kept it as small as possible, not inviting the whole Harlem as had happened for Jas’ birthday party. The event went well, bringing both Jas’ and my parents under one roof. Thankfully, everyone played nice. Honestly, they typically did when it came to celebrating Chi-Chi. What made this event different was my mother’s presence.

She didn’t speak to Noelle, who’d come with her cousin. Noelle didn’t appear slighted, enjoying her time in the water with Nicholas and others. The teen did what teens do at pool parties: she ate, laughed, and swam. My father, however, didn’t interact with her much, which wasn’t unusual. It just irritated me more this time because my mother remained at his side, possessively. Celestine, held court with the guests, sharing her extensive travel and dancing accomplishments. My mother hadn’t lost her hosting skills—although, she wasn’t the host.

When the event was dwindling down and she my father were prepared to leave, she asked for a moment to speak privately. It was a moment I’d hoped for since my teen years, but when it finally presented itself, my stamina had been consumed by the bitch called patience.

Inside Jas’ dining room, she sighed, appearing uncharacteristically flustered. “Can we just thaw the ice for the sake of my granddaughter, Ashira?”

It had been a long day of being the real host of the party. My body ached and I was completely exhausted, had been for over a week at this point. I wasn’t interested in giving my mother the compliance she required. There was no energy to be undertaken by her intimidation. I had bigger fish to fry, and I’d also known for months, my secret weapon to get what I needed from her and my father.

“The ice you created? I’m just surviving in the freezer you built for me.”

She gasped. “Whatever do you mean? I’ve given you your space as a woman?”

“Yeah. A lot of it. You dumped me because of my father’s indiscretions all those years ago, then magically, you’re over it and back with him. But guess who’s still in the doghouse? You’ve been in the U.S. since what? March? And not once during your reconciliation period with the source of your implied hurt and betrayal did you think to make things right with me, your only child? That’s grand.” I found myself laughing, swimming in her audacity.

“Did you expect for me to come to your home? Where that woman lives, too?”

---