Page 34 of Ever After

My mom and I have always been so close. Growing up without a father, I guess it is bound to happen. I never knew exactly what happened with her and my father. I never cared. She filled that void for me, and I honestly didn’t even notice he was missing. She dated here and there. Nothing serious. It was a blessing that she and my father never worked out. She’s so content being alone, dating and having all her free time whenever she wants. At this point in her life, I can’t see her letting a man have any say in her life.

“I know you are. I mean, are you staying at the house, or is he?”

“I told him to move out once I got home. Since the day I picked up my stuff from the hotel, I haven't spoken to him. He better have left.”

“He doesn’t know about the other week you spent with this mysterious friend of yours?”

“No. You’re the only one that knows. Well, Lia, but I trust her not to say anything.” I lean back into the seat and rest my head, staring out into the open road ahead of us. Looking out into the darkness that has already consumed me.

“Are you ever going to tell me about this friend?”

I sigh and tell her everything from the day Aiden and I landed in Hawaii, Jay and I in Hawaii and the week I spent at his house. Maybe it’s best I get this off my chest. I finish telling her everything, and she stays silent. Is my mom disappointed in me? Is she shocked? She’s not saying anything. “Are you going to say anything?” I ask.

“I guess I’m surprised.”

“What surprised you the most?” My mom stays silent. “Mom?”

“I’m trying to process it all. Even though you and Aiden had problems, I am surprised by it all. But I never expected him to do that. And then you spent almost two weeks with some guy you just met.”

“It was only a week and a half.”

“It hurts me you were hurting after what Aiden did. I’m your mom. When you are heartbroken, so am I. But I’m not even sure if you were heartbroken over Aiden. You sound more heartbroken over Jay.”

I never stopped and thought of it that way. Am I more heartbroken over Jay? Sometimes I wanted Aiden to do something to push me over the edge to end our marriage. I thought that would be easier than going through with repairing it. I loved him too much to end it myself. But really…did I truly love him? Was I comfortable with him enough to stay and try to fix it? I felt more pain walking away from Jay than I did when I walked away from Aiden. I thought that was because of everything I had been through the past couple of weeks and the pain finally caught up with me—but maybe I’m wrong.

When you’ve been with someone for so long, it’s hard to tell what to feel. It’s hard to know what to do. I thought I was still in love with Aiden because I was so used to what we had. I was so used tohim. I didn’t stop and think about myself and what I wanted.

What Ineeded.

I look over at my mom. “Do you think I was over Aiden before I even realized it?”

“Love and relationships are complicated. If you felt like you needed to work on your marriage, I believe that was what you thought was best for you. Along the way, you probably fell out of love with Aiden and you were trying to get it back. You might not have known you fell out of love with him because no one wants to believe they fell out of love with their spouse. It’s hard to come to terms with. People avoid it because it’s easier than acknowledging it.”

We pull up to my driveway, and I’m feeling a little relieved that no lights are on in the house. There are real-life problems I need to handle right now. I can’t play hooky forever. I get out of the car and grab my suitcase. My mom comes around and asks, “Do you want me to go in with you?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I’m exhausted and want to go to bed,” I say.

“Let me know if you need anything. I love you.” My mom leans in and gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

Hugging her back, I say, “I love you too.” I roll my suitcase into the house as my mom drives away.

Once I turn some of the lights on, it hits me that everything looks the same. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t. Walking to my room, I see the bed hasn’t been slept in. Seeing the empty space in the closet where Aiden’s clothes used to hang, it hits me. I guess he left after all.

I decide to take a bath and rip off my clothes one by one and throw them on the floor. That will be tomorrow’s mess. I grab a hair clip off my vanity and pull my hair up, stopping to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes look tired and dark. I know when I was with Jay, I was sleeping. My mental exhaustion is affecting me physically. While the water fills up, I get in. I relax backward and grab my phone. Pings come through as it turns back on. There are quite a few texts from Jay. Some from last night that I ignored and didn’t read. I scroll up and skim through the messages. Most of them are him asking me to come back when I left his house yesterday.

Jay: Please come back.

Jay: Answer your phone

Jay: At least let me know if you’re safe somewhere?

Jay: I’m not leaving you voicemails because I saw how many you had, and you clearly don’t listen to them. I know how much you hate them.

Jay: We can talk this out.

Jay: Let me know when you get home. I’ll miss you tonight.

Jay: I know what it looked like. Trust me. I would never have intentionally hurt you. Lindsee means nothing to me. I want nothing to do with her. I should have told you she was coming over. It was stupid of me to not think to do that after what you went through.

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