Page 51 of Bonds We Break

“Enough about me,” he says and waves me off. “How are you doing, really?”

My cheeks blush as Wade looks at me critically. As much as I try to hide it, it’s as if he can see right through me, and I know that he knows my secret.

“Fuck, are you?” I cut him off, pushing my finger to his lips but he still manages to smile.

“It’s early and no one knows but Cash,” I whisper to him.

“Mia?” Wade says my name in a way that constricts my throat. I’m glad he knows because I can finally talk to someone about how I feel.

I can already feel the emotion bubbling up inside my throat. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” I admit to him. This wasn’t planned, and we’d just found our way back to each other.

“Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?” Wade asks as he touches my arm comfortingly. I thought I did, but now that I am pregnant, the reality of it sits in my stomach like a rock. I am a different person than I was a few years ago, and this is happening with a different man than I imagined it being with. The thought makes me feel like a horrible person because I love Cash. I love how excited he is about this. I love how he looks at me like I am the woman who is giving him this beautiful gift.

It’s me I doubt.

“I do, but I’m scared at the same time,” I tell him. “What if I fuck this up, too?”

“Have you talked to Cash about how you’re feeling?” Wade asks, as if it is so easy to do.

“He’s stronger than me.” I admit and let a long breath.

“You mean he wants this more than you do?” He doesn’t say it in a judgmental way, but I know what he is trying to imply.

“He’s so sure about this,” I tell him. “He’s so sure about me.”

“He loves you.” Wade tilts his head, looking at me as if he is trying to decipher what is going on inside my head, but how can he if I don’t even know? I wish I believed in myself the way Cash does.

“This isn’t something I can run away from. This is forever.” I touch my belly, still feeling the flatness but knowing the enormity of what’s inside.

“Forever can be scary,” Wade admits and takes my hand in his, “But it can be wonderful too.”

I feel Cash’s arms snake around me and he places his palms against my belly. “Did she tell you the news?” Cash knows that no one can keep a secret from Wade.

Wade smiles at us, but there’s a sadness in his eyes as he looks at me and Cash. “You’re both very lucky.” I almost feel bad for being happy, knowing that Wade is struggling.

Cash kisses my cheek. I’ve never seen him this happy. I think he has everything he has ever wanted - a child on the way, and the record store opening. It’s as if this one thing has erased all of the hurt and pain we had endured just to get here.

“We are.” He rests his chin on my shoulder and then he reaches over me to pat Wade in the bicep. “I miss you, man,” he adds thoughtfully. We have both missed Wade’s daily presence in our lives. We miss a lot of things that we are not willing to admit to, or say out loud.

Wade smiles. “I miss you guys, too.” I can tell how much he means it, but it’ll never be like it used to. There’s just one thing, or rather one person, missing. I can feel his absence in moments like these the most.

Cash releases me and says, “You should sit down. You’ve been on your feet for hours.”

“I’m fine,” I tell him, even though I do feel tired. Morning sickness comes and goes but I always feel tired, no matter how much sleep I get. “Don’t you need to go make a speech or something?”

“You know I don’t like public speaking,” he warns me.

“Sorry, but your audience awaits.” I look out at the crowd of people in the shop, some stopping by to pat him on the back and tell him how much they like what he did to the store. Most of them are other shop owners we met while renovating, and some are old friends.

This neighborhood is turning a corner and more shops that were once boarded up are now being revived. I think this is going to be the start of something really special.

Cash grumbles and walks to the front of the store, getting everyone’s attention.

“Oh good, I was wondering when the entertainment was going to start.” Wade turns his attention to Cash and I laugh.

Through the crowd, I notice Peter walking my way flanked by Jay. I smile, glad he was able to make it. Jay has been trying to get to Cash ever since Cash picked me up at the studio that day.

“Hey,” Peter waves bashfully, obviously out of his element. “Great record store.” He looks around at all the improvements Cash made, and I’m so proud of him. This space is something really special. “This idiot wants you to introduce him to your husband.” He hooks his thumb to Jay, who smiles like an idiot.

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