Page 60 of Frost Wolf

“Alpha, you’re killing him.”

Gunnar and Gunter both stepped in. They knew better than to pull me away from my victim. As pack alpha, I would see it as a challenge.

I rose from Alistair, who moaned and winced under my hard hits.

“You get to live, but if you can’t find a way to come clean to Yana, leave my pack.”

I turned my back on him, shifting into a wolf as I ran toward the backyard. My mind echoed how the wolf felt, and my wolf was howling, wild and reckless, hungry for violence in the worst way. I was in no state of mind to be close to my pack or anyone else right now.

Even though I remember what Alistair told me about what the Demons did to him, how they cut pieces off him, only to watch him regenerate, how they made him chew on his flesh, I hoped he would recover. The day he told me he wouldn’t try to step into Yana’s life as her father, we sat on a bench and looked toward Ruby’s house.

“I can’t, man,” he had said, and I nodded.

I disagreed. I knew he had lost his mate, his reason to be. Even so, he was strong, almost immortal, and had a duty to that little girl.

“You can talk to Ruby and tell her what happened.”

“No, she thinks I’m dead. Do you think she’ll welcome me knowing that her daughter is dead and I still draw breath.”

“This is not about Ruby, Alistair. This is about your daughter. Do you think your mate would have wanted you to leave your child?”

I still remember his outbreak.

“I should have left my mate alone. She was beautiful, and she had a full life ahead of her. She would have been happy with someone else, someone normal. We are not good for these women. If we don’t get them killed, they end up like Ruby, old, dried out, sad, lonely, unable to feel anything anymore because they knew full love and can’t be happy with breadcrumbs.”

He stood up and left.

I remember that sunny afternoon. Ruby drove to the house with Yana and they emptied the trunk. It was filled with one week’s worth of groceries.

I understood Alistair then, but now it felt like a selfish act. Yana was no kid. She was not a young woman but a grown-up woman who could make her own decisions.

I stopped in front of the edge of the waterfall, listening to the roar of wild water and inhaling the scent of moisture hanging in the air.

“Yana.”

I said the words before plunging into the cold water. My wolf rejoiced in the splash its body made. For one second, my mind was fully silent. I could see the future with Yana, the love I always dreamed of, and the passion she offered me. I only existed before meeting her. Since I let her in my life, I felt as if I really lived and not just held on to the fringes of my being.

We Frost Wolves are forces of law. We are the last guardians between the humans and the forces of darkness. But what about our heart, our soul, our wishes?

Is one a better protector if there is nothing you can lose? Was I fiercer in battle so long I was alone and my heart would not break from losing Yana?

With all these thoughts in mind, my wolf climbed up on the riverbed and shook its fur.

I’m white like the moon. We were initially only guarding the north, and our fur color was made to blend in with the snow. Over time, as the world grew bigger and new threats emerged, we moved in all possible directions of the wind, hunting the ones that fed on fear and human souls and flesh.

Demons.

I shifted back into my human form, utterly unaware that I was fully naked, and walked through the forest. It was cold in late September, but it didn’t bother me. It had to be many degrees below freezing before I would feel uncomfortable in my human shell.

A bark made me look. I could hear him sneaking behind me, but I waited, allowing him time to make his presence known.

“Alistair.” I addressed the silver wolf, using human speech instead of our telepathic connection.

“Alpha,” he replied. The greeting was curt.

“What do you want?”

“I need permission to leave. You were right. I can go north. The Alaska tribe had some bad hits during the last fight, so they need more men. I can help.”

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