Page 32 of Wicked Vow

I go through my newly filled closet, distracting myself with getting ready for dinner. The night is warm, so I find a dark blue chiffon maxi dress with a fitted bodice, thin straps, and a slinky skirt, and pair it with comfortable flats and rose gold diamond studs, and a matching bracelet that Caterina had suggested–or rather, insisted–that I borrow. I brush my hair to one side, curling the ends and pinning it so it sits just behind my ear, and put on some light makeup, marveling as I look in the mirror at how much I look as if I’m back to my old self. I don’tfeelentirely like myself still, after the rose and the envelope, not to mention the lingering indecisiveness about what to do about the baby, but looking like my old self is half the battle. Not seeing black hair, dark shadows under my eyes, and heavy makeup when I look in the mirror has gone much further than I would have ever thought.

I touch my stomach gingerly, hoping that I can make it through the entire meal without getting sick. I have no idea if it’s normal pregnancy symptoms or stress–Caterina thinks it’s both–but I’ve barely been able to eat for the last few days. I have no doubt that wherever we’re going, it will be a place I’ll want to enjoy. I dearly hope that I’m not in for months of being unable to enjoy anything I like to eat.

There you go, sounding as if you’re assuming that you’re keeping the baby again.I frown at my expression in the mirror, feeling my chest clench with anxiety.Should I just accept that I’ve made my decision? That this is what I want?I know Ruby doesn’t fully understand, but I also know she’ll support me, and I know Caterina wholeheartedly does. I just don’t entirely know how to envision my future with a baby.

But the truth is, I don’t really know how to envision my future without the baby, either.

Caterina is waiting for me when I come downstairs. She is dressed in a burgundy slip dress that sets off her dark hair and eyes and dainty ruby jewelry. “Viktor is meeting us at the restaurant,” she tells me as we walk out to the car. “And you’ll find out what your surprise is there, too.”

Her eyes twinkle mischievously, and I can tell that she’s having fun. I know, without her having to say it, that my presence is helping to fill the gap left by Sasha not living with her any longer. I’m not much like Sasha, I know that, but I also can tell that Caterina appreciates the companionship. It helps to assuage some of the guilt I feel for accepting so much from them.

The driver lets us out at the restaurant, a five-star Italian spot that Caterina assures me is amazing. When we walk inside, the hostess instantly sweeps us back to a private booth in the corner of the restaurant with a fantastic view of the city on the second floor, and that’s when I see exactly what the surprise is that Caterina mentioned.

There are two other people seated at the table with Viktor, and I recognize them both instantly–a well-dressed man with dark hair and hazel eyes and a familiar face, and a blonde woman that I would know anywhere…because she’s my sister.

“Sasha!” I call out her name before I can stop myself, ignoring the diners turning to glare at me as I hurry past Caterina, the hostess, and the other tables to make a beeline towards our half-circle booth where the three of them are seated.

“Natalia!” She’s on her feet instantly, coming towards me, and she hugs me the instant we’re both close enough, squeezing me tightly. “Oh my god, I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again!”

“I thought the same.” I don’t want to let go of her, but we disentangle ourselves eventually, making our way back to join Max, Viktor, and Caterina.

“Good to see you again, too,” Max says with a grin as I sit down. “How are you? Viktor filled me in a little that you’ve decided to stay in New York.”

“Well, I decided tocometo New York. Where I’m staying, in the long run, is all up in the air, but I’m definitely happy here for now.” I unfold my napkin, spreading it out on my lap. “But what about you?” I look at Sasha, still in disbelief that she’s sitting in front of me. “I thought you couldn’t come back, that it wasn’t safe for you here–that Viktor needed to put some space between you and his organization.”

Max shrugs. “He said he felt like, with recent developments, it would likely be safe as long as we stayed close to his home or with his security. And he and Caterina both felt it was more important that you and Sasha get to see each other. I have to say,” he adds, “I’m glad to be back, too. My little cottage on Viktor’s property feels very much like home, and I’m looking forward to sleeping there tonight with Sasha.”

He gives her a look that makes me almost feel as if we’re all intruding on something, and the look that she returns only confirms it. It’s obvious that they’re both very much in love. It makes something in my chest ache all over again, the way it does so often when I see Viktor and Caterina together.

I never longed for companionship for more than a night or two, and certainly not for love. I never even considered what it might be like to be in love. It was never supposed to be in the cards for me. But I find myself more and more craving something that I never thought I’d want or need.

Not just love, either, but a home thatfeelslike home. A family.Peace.

“Viktor told me a little about the circumstances,” Max continues. “Me and Sasha. Not too much; I think he didn’t want to overstep, but–I’m sorry that things have been so difficult for you, Natalia. I don’t think Levin or I would have left you if we hadn’t thought you would stay safe with Adrian.”

“It wasn’t entirely his fault.” I give them a lopsided smile. “I was stubborn too. We fought, and I didn’t want to do things his way, so I went back to Moscow and tried to handle it myself. It–didn’t go as well as I thought it would.” I press my lips together. “But that’s not really a story for dinner.”

“Regardless, I’m glad you’re here.” Sasha reaches across the table to touch my hand. “I wanted more time with my sister. I wish it hadn’t been because–well, for the reasons you’re here. But I’m so, so happy to see you again.”

It makes me wonder exactly how much Viktordidtell them, but it’s definitely not something I want to talk about while we’re out at a restaurant. Instead, the conversation turns to other topics while our food comes. Max fills Viktor and Caterina in on how things are at the McGregor estate, which I listen to with some interest, since I know nothing about this other family that my sister and her now-husband have been living with. Sasha tells me about their wedding, showing me pictures. The mood around the table lightens as the night goes on, until even I’ve managed to put the anxiety of earlier today out of my head, for the most part.

We all take the car back to the house, and Viktor goes down to the cellar to get another bottle of wine while we settle into the living room; Max and Sasha curled up close to each other on the long couch. When Viktor comes back with wine and glasses, he sits close to Caterina as well, and I feel that sharp pang again, the ache of loneliness.

“None for me,” Sasha says as Viktor pours the wine, and Caterina and I both give her the same look.

“You didn’t have wine at dinner either,” Caterina says, a small smile twitching at the corners of her lips. “Are you–”

Sasha tries to hide the smile on her face, but it spreads anyway, as Max squeezes her hand, a similar grin on his. “Yeah,” she says finally, a little shyly. “I’m not very far along, so I’ve been trying not to talk about it too much. But yes, I’m pregnant.”

Caterina squeals with excitement, leaning across the couch to hug her as I sit there frozen. “I’m so happy for you,” I manage after a moment, but the look Sasha gives me tells me instantly that she hears the tremor under the words.

“Natalia, can we go talk for a minute?” Sasha asks, cocking her head towards the door. “We’ll just go take a little walk in the garden.”

I nod, swallowing as I get up to follow her. I see the concerned look on Caterina’s face, and I try to give her a reassuring smile before I follow Sasha out towards the back of the house and out of the French doors to the garden.

“I’m sorry,” I manage as we step out into the warm air. “I didn’t mean to seem like I’m not happy for you–I really am. You and Max seem so happy–”

“We are.” Sasha smiles softly at me. “It wasn’t easy getting there, but once we figured out how to make it work–”

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