Page 119 of Worth the Risk

Letting go reluctantly, I give them each a forehead kiss, pick up the box, and head for the door. After getting into my car with my box, I drive away.

When I pull into my driveway, a sense of melancholy hits me as I stare at the house. This place holds a lot of special memories for me and one horrible one.

I need to face the past.

Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I exit my car and go inside.

Everything is the same. Same furniture because I couldn’t be bothered having it removed. I look at the sofa and reminisce about a pleasurable memory. I’d bet money that was the night Riley was conceived. Although we tempted fate a couple of times, that time, I was lost in the moment.

I was taking a risk being inside her bare, and I recall being one pump too late, but I never thought of her getting pregnant. How that thought never occurred to me, I have no idea. But I’ve got Riley now, and I don’t regret it.

I head to the room Kylie left the first time we had sex. She triggered my fears by leaving that morning. I knew then that Kylie was changing me.

There are so many memories in this room. Great memories, and not only the sex. We spent time talking and sharing our thoughts and stories here, growing closer.

Taking a deep inhale, I put my hand on the doorknob and turn it. Instantly, I’m hit with memories of us everywhere I look. The bed where we held each other because she was the first girl I cared to cuddle with. The closet where we had a fight when her triggers had her assuming I was with another woman. I look at the bathroom door. That’s where Kylie took what she wanted from me on our first night together.

Opening it, I glance at the shower. I remember Kylie on her knees, taking me in. She was so bold. I recall us in the bathtub, snuggling and talking. It was the first time I’d ever taken a bath with a woman. I never cared to do that before, either.

I shared a lot of firsts with her. And she was also my last of them. Walking out to the patio, I continue my tour down memory lane. Memories assault me here too. The pool we hung out at with friends, the hot tub where we spent time with and without friends. The lounge chair where I told her I loved her for the first time.

Am I capable of loving her again? Better question, have I loved her all along?

With the way I’m feeling, I don’t think the love ever went away.

Strolling into the kitchen next, I see us there with our friends, laughing and drinking. I recall Kylie making breakfast when she realized I couldn’t cook.

Great memories, so I ask myself why I chose not to reminisce about them instead of holding onto my anger.

There’s one more room left. This one will be the hardest. Forcing myself to climb the stairs, I stand outside the door. The last time I opened it, my world crumbled around me and shattered my heart.

I take the knob and hold it for a minute.

These are memories I don’t want to relive, but I know I need to face them.

I let the door swing open, and the image I’ve seen on repeat for the last five years in my head hits me with full force. I remember them, and the anger from that morning rises inside me as I clench my fists.

I recall Nash beside the bed in boxers. It was odd that he had them on. I never really thought about that before. He wasn’t naked like Kylie. When I look at the bed, I see Kylie. But this time, I also see something other than her nakedness that I had focused on. There was confusion on her face, and she was covering herself up, hiding from Nash.

If she had sex with him, why would she hide her body from him?I was so angry that morning I failed to truly see her. If I did then, like I do in this moment, I would have seen that she was distraught.

Why would she be upset if she planned to do that to hurt me?

Would I have been so angry if Amber hadn’t planted seeds in my head? Going as far as to say she heard them.

Dammit.

She was manipulating me the whole time, even when she was in New York and told me the awful claims she heard about Kylie.

I’m seeing these situations in a new light now. The anger I first felt coming in here is dying quickly, regret taking over. I’m questioning everything I thought I knew, thought had happened.

My God, what have I done?The five years of anger I felt toward them is now aimed at Amber.

I screamed at them, believing the worst. I punched Nash in the face, and I left while Kylie tried to explain with tears in her eyes, and I wouldn’t hear it.

I’m convinced more now than ever that neither one of them have done what Amber said they did.

They never hurt me.

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