Page 57 of Butterfly

The warmth from the excitement grows cold in my veins. “It’s no touching and no looking.”

“What do you mean?” He puts his hand over my breast and rubs my nipple through the fabric. His gaze is still clouded by the orgasm.

“I don’t want you to look at my naked back, either.”

His hand pauses. “I don’t understand. Why? What’s wrong with your back?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

Frustration pinches his expression. “There are quite a few things you don’t want to talk about.”

I don’t say anything because it’s true. The pen drive is in my bag and seems to call me like a mermaid. For some sick reason, I need it with me as much as I can.

“Will you ever tell me the truth about you?” He caresses my cheek, but there’s an undeniable strain in his touch.

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “It might take a long time.”

“And?” His dark eyebrows knit together. He looks even more handsome than usual with that frown, more intense.

My legs quiver under his scrutiny. I didn’t lie to him so far, but I wasn’t fully honest either, and with him staring at me, so close to me, with our scents mingling, I find it hard not to answer his question. “Let’s be real, Alex. This relationship isn’t going to last. Not long enough for me to open up about my past.”

A hard glint steels his gaze. “How do you know that?”

“Your life… We come from two different worlds.”

“Don’t.” His lips press in a flat line. “Don’t give me the ‘two different worlds’ bullshit. If we want to make it work, it will. It’s us who decide.”

“It’s not that simple.” Especially since he doesn’t know how Walter died.

“So that’s it. You don’t want to give us a shot. You already know we’re going to part ways. That’s why you don’t bother to tell me everything about yourself. Why make an effort when everything’s going to end soon? Let’s just have sex. Who cares about the consequences?”

“I don’t mean it like that.” The words don’t sound true to my own ears because his accusation is kind of on point.

“Why?” Genuine pain rings in his deep voice. “What makes you think we’re a failure even before we start?”

“Because…” I pause and lick my suddenly parched lips. “Because if you know everything about me, you aren’t going to want to stay with me, and if I don’t tell you everything, the result is the same.”

“Bloody try me before judging me.” His anger can crack glass.

A tremor sets in, but I can’t hug my knees as I’d like to do since he’s on top of me.

“Why are you shivering so hard?” A note of panic laces his words. “Why are you— Dammit!” He rises from the sofa and drags a hand through his hair. The tail of his shirt is hanging over his half-buttoned trousers, and even though I’m shivering with anxiety, my blood heats. “Are you scared of me?” He steps back from me, giving me space.

“No, of course not.” But the tremors don’t stop. They never do unless I focus and hug myself in a quiet corner.

“Do you want to go home?”

“Yes.” The answer comes out of my mouth before I can think of it. I need my flat, my bed, and the quiet of my space to calm down.

He pales, passing a hand over his face. “Will you let me take you home? Or do you want a cab?”

Gosh, I don’t want a stranger now. “You, please.”

He nods and tucks his shirt into his trousers. There’s a certain finality in the gesture. I put my knickers on, avoiding his gaze. My hands are trembling when I take my purse.

He closes his hand around mine, but the harsh expression on his face is at odds with the gesture. “Why are you shivering?”

“I don’t know.” It’s true. Fears trigger my darkness, but this time…maybe it’s the fear of losing him? The truth in his accusation? Not sure.

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