I picked up the phone, and it was Tony from one of my smaller offices. He had a report to give me, and I wrote down the pertinent information. My mind wasn’t there. I ended up with Augustine’s name written within the lines several times. She was who I was thinking about, not the business, money, anything that usually mattered far more. I was lost thinking about how she looked at me, and I wanted to know what it was all about. It didn’t make sense, and I didn’t think that I was wrong.
I thought about it, worried on it, and finally I called her into my office around lunch. I told her that I needed her to go with me for a lunch meeting. I didn’t need her, of course, never had before, but I wanted her around me. I wanted to see her. I couldn’t help myself. It was all I could think about, and I wasn’t going to be able to focus until I got to the bottom of what was going on between the two of us.
She was nervous but met my eyes and didn’t seem to be all worked up over it or anything. It felt normal between us, but it had before, and I had been so wrong about that. Now, I wasn’t sure what to think. I always knew where I stood with a woman, always. Not with Augustine though. I thought I wanted her because of her differences, but now I was just confused more than anything else. What was she thinking? I didn’t like the feeling of second-guessing myself.
Augustine agreed to come to lunch with me, even if I had made it under the pretense of work. She could have said no. Right? Damn it, I was walking in, not sure still where I stood and that was bothersome in more ways than one.
19
Augustine
Right before lunch, Dalian called to inform me that he was going to take me to lunch. He was on his way, and I would be ready. He wasn’t even going to come in. He was going to park and wait for me to come down. He didn’t ask, mind you, he told me, which was rather annoying. This was my fiancée, true, he’d probably heard some things and wanted to get assurances that I wasn’t parading around with a man in my room.
The problem was, I was supposed to go out with Derrick. I told him that I would, and I wanted to, but the next thing I knew, I couldn’t. It was all too complicated. He wasn’t going to understand. He took off the night before and I didn’t know what was going on between us. Men were more complicated than I thought. Or maybe it was just Derrick.
I went to Derrick’s office and told him that I had to go out with my fiancée to lunch. He was surprised that I was putting him off. I was too, so I told him that it was just something that was expected of me, and I didn’t have a choice.
Derrick took my hand and told me that I always had a choice. I thought it was him or Dalian, still not much of a choice. The real choice would be to wed and do what I wanted, in the timeline that worked for me. That’s not what was available to me.
“He is going to be waiting downstairs.”
Derrick scoffed. “Come on, we will all go together. It will be fun.”
Fun was not what I would call having lunch with the two of them. Derrick was not joking, and he walked down with me. I could have at any time told him no, but I didn’t want to. It was sad, really. I should have made it clear that this would cause chaos. I didn’t know if I cared about that either.
When we got downstairs, I looked around for Dalian’s car. He was parked not too far away, but he didn’t even attempt to come to me. I had to go to him, it was my duty, and I could only imagine what being married to such a guy would be like. Derrick had done something I hadn’t thought was possible. He had won the favor of my mother, and that went a long way in my decision of what I was going to do next. I still didn’t know what that meant though, in real terms. I had a ring on my finger, a promise that I had to keep or at least a good excuse why I couldn’t.
“Maybe he isn’t coming.”
I pointed to his car and tried to wave him over. “No, he is right there.”
Derrick looked toward the car and offered to take them all in one of his cars. He was flexing his muscles in a way, and I could see it for what it was, but I wasn’t going to stop it from happening either. Did I want Dalian to see that he had been replaced by a better man? He would see the cars and money and think that, but I knew that it was more fundamental, how one was better than the other.
“Go get your man and we will all go. I can’t believe you would pick him instead of me. You are not making the right choice.”
Derrick was being catty, and I just smiled back at him. I wasn’t going to get into it with him. There was just no way I wanted to argue. I didn’t know what I was doing, but his passive aggressiveness did not give me a good feeling.
“You really want to blow my life up, don’t you?”
Derrick paused and asked me if that was what he was doing. I agreed that it was because he had to see what was going on. It was not the first time. He had started by saying way too much to my mom and then he’d kissed me the way he had. All of these things were just more than I wanted to think about. Derrick was messing with me hard core, he had to realize that.
“I don’t think I am blowing it up, maybe exposing a few things, but you already knew the truth. You just didn’t want to think about it. You are about to marry someone that you don’t even know. We know each other. I have a lot of feelings for you, you for me. Why does it have to be hard? We make sense.”
It did make sense and that was likely why I tried my best to ignore his reasoning. It was too similar to what I came up with. I wanted him, didn’t need him, but that could change.
“Because I know you, Derrick, I know that it can never work. I have made so many dates for you in the last six months, more than most people will make in a lifetime. I don’t think you are worried about getting married and committed. It’s not fair to keep talking about it. I know that you’re just messing with me.”
He moved toward me, said that it wasn’t true. I knew that it was, it had to be. The way he was looking at me was a lot easier to understand than anything else he had said. Derrick desired me, I saw that in his eyes, and I took a step back to stay out of his reach. Things happened that I wasn’t able to control when he was touching me. I was going to try my best not to let that happen. Dalian was in his car. I knew he was watching us.
“Come on, Derrick. Let’s go. I will meet you there. How about that?”
He agreed, he had no other choice, and I walked toward Dalian’s car. It was there, as I walked over, that I realized that I didn’t want to be there. Why had I thought that it would change?
20
Derrick
Dalian was not at all who I could see Augustine with. He was dry-witted and humored. They barely looked at each other. Dalian kept his eyes fixed to his lap. I didn’t know what to think of him, but after a few minutes at the table, I didn’t feel much attraction between them at all. I knew that Augustine giving up her life to have his inferior children was the worst thing that she could do. She deserved better. That was all there was to it. There was no way that I could see it happening.