Page 31 of Nanny for the Rockstars

“Doubt that.” Caleb sounds just as pissed off as he was when I left the room earlier. “But I might as well. I’m not in the mood to let this hangover keep me down all day.”

“Good man,” Julian says with a laugh. “I’m ready. You two idiots catch up with us when you can.”

There’s more commentary from inside the room, but I just shake my head.

“Come on, Hendrix, we don’t have to stand out here and wait for them. We have things to do, don’t we?” I ask him. “That’s right, we’ve got places to see and things to look at.”

He’s gurgling in his stroller, and I smile to myself as I push him up the hall and into the elevator. Julian manages to catch up with me before I hit the button, so he rides down with us to the lobby.

“They’re coming,” he tells me. “I told them to hurry the fuck up. You know how babies are. It’s not like Hendrix is going to want to hang out very long.”

“I figure the fresh air is going to do him some good,” I say. “He already had a nap, but this is going to help him sleep well later too.”

“I’ve always wondered if there was any truth to that, or if it’s just a bunch of nonsense that moms say to get their kids to play outside,” Julian replies.

“Well, I’m saying it, and I’m not his mom,” I laugh.

“That knocks another off the list,” he says. “I’m narrowing that thing down by the day.”

I laugh again. “I doubt you guys are ever going to find the mom. Because if she wanted to be found, I’m sure she would have made a way for you to do that.”

“Whatever,” he says with a shrug. “I’m glad to have little Hendrix in my life. If she didn’t want to be found, that’s fine. It’s not like it really makes a difference in my world.”

“True,” I say.

“Hold up!” Terry shouts to us from the elevator. We aren’t moving very quickly, so both he and Caleb are able to catch up with us before we walk out of the hotel. I did that on purpose, hoping that they would be able to make it before I got outside.

Though I’m happy to do things on my own, that doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t want to have them come with me if they want to spend time with Hendrix too. I think it’s good for all four of them to spend time with each other. Especially Hendrix.

“Oh, there is a park over here,” Caleb says. “Who knew?

“I’m not making it up,” I laugh. “Is that why you all came with me? Thinking I was just kidnapping your kid?”

“Had to make sure,” Julian teases. “You never know with people these days. You know how much money we have. For all we know, you might have run off for some ransom.”

“Because that makes sense,” I say as I roll my eyes. “Because it’s not like we’re halfway across the country from where I live, I have no vehicle, I have no job outside of watching Hendrix…you see where I’m going with this?”

“I didn’t say it was a good plan, I’m just saying you never know with anyone these days,” Julian teases.

I roll my eyes.

“I want to push him,” Caleb announces.

“Sure,” I say.

I pass off the stroller, and both Terry and Julian take a place on either side of their older brother, everyone looking down and talking to Hendrix. It seems to me that he’s getting used to the fact that he has three dads, and they all look alike. At least, he sure does seem comfortable with them. And that’s nice to see.

I can’t imagine what he would think of this situation if he was older, so it’s nice for him to get used to this and his new lifestyle when he’s too young to know what his mom did to him.

There’s a bench nearby, and I sit down, watching the three guys and the way they take care of their son. It’s nice to see that they’re all hands on with Hendrix. I’m sure that’s going to help them in the long run. But I can’t deny the wave of sadness that washes over me as I watch the scene unfolding in front of me.

I can’t forget the fact that these are the same three men who made my life hell in high school. They might say they have their reasons now, but how do I know they can be trusted? The last thing I want is to fall in love with them all over again, then to find out that they had no interest in keeping me around. I know Hendrix isn’t going to need me forever, and I’m not even sure if I’m going to be needed beyond this tour.

Even if I don’t want to admit it, it feels like I’m walking on thin ice. It’s a dangerous game to fall for any of these guys, and I know I have to be careful.

But my heart doesn’t seem to be on the same page, and though my brain tells me I’m bound to get hurt if I fall for them again, my heart is telling me that they’re different now, that we have another chance at love if we just communicate with each other and are honest about how we feel about each other.

Caleb lets Terry take the stroller, and I watch with some amusement as Terry navigates his way around the sidewalk. It’s not like it’s that hard to push the stroller, but he’s clearly overthinking things. The other two are making fun of him, and I try to just watch without feeling anything, but I can’t.

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