Page 45 of Nanny for the Rockstars

She’s still hurt, but I want her to let it go and move on.

I want us all to move on and focus on the life we have ahead of us.

I want us to be happy together. The four of us and Hendrix.

Forever.

TWENTY-TWO

JEANETTE

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take him? I really don’t mind,” Mags asks.

“No, I think I’m okay,” I tell her. “I appreciate it though, I really do.”

“He’s getting so big, it’s so hard to let him go,” Mags says. “I can’t believe how much I miss him when he’s up here with you guys.”

We’re at another stop on the tour, getting ready to spend the afternoon in one place before the show tonight. The guys are already at the venue, but I stayed back at the bus with Mags. I’m not sure I want to go to the show tonight. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling rather depressed about the situation I have with them today.

I wish I could talk about it with someone, but they’re the only people I have to talk about the situation with, and I already know how they feel.

I took Hendrix back from Mags before bed last night, and now she’s stopped by the bus to see if she can help me out with him before going over to the show later. But, right now Hendrix is the only one who can really make me feel better about what’s going on in my life, and I don’t want to let him go.

“Right?” I agree with a laugh. I feel the need to keep up appearances, even if I am feeling torn up inside. “I feel the same when he’s back there with you guys. I look out the back window and see your bus coming and wonder what he’s doing and if you guys are having fun together. I wouldn’t say it’s sad, but it is funny, that’s for sure.”

“I think about him so much, I even had a dream about him last night,” Mags says with a laugh. “I can’t believe it. I never wanted to have kids of my own, so when they found the baby in the dressing room and told me they were going to keep it, I was a little apprehensive about staying with the band as their manager. But I guess there’s always the exception to the rule, right?”

“I agree,” I say.

I’m not talking about Hendrix. I’m talking about the fact that I would never want to be with anyone else but the triplets. They are the only men I would want to share me. But I’m not going to say that out loud, even if I have been thinking a lot about what Terry and Julian were saying the other day.

I know I should let it go and just be out in the open with our relationship, but it’s tough for me to let go of the idea that people will judge us. I don’t want to be made fun of or for people to think I’m weird. I’ve dealt with that enough in the past, I don’t want to go through it again, even if I do choose to live a life that is outside the norm.

But those are thoughts that I quickly dismiss from my mind.

“Are you coming to the show tonight?” Mags asks me.

“I don’t think so,” I say. “I kind of have a headache, and I think I’ll just hang out here with Hendrix.”

“Oh no, are you getting sick?”

“I don’t think so,” I say quickly. “I just don’t know if the pounding of the music is going to help with the headache. Not to mention that even though Hendrix likes the music, I think it does him some good to take a break too.”

“You take such good care of him, you treat him like he’s your own,” Mags says. “I’m so glad they found you for the nanny position. When they said they were going to hire someone, I was worried they were going to just pick the first person who came through the door saying that she had experience, and I would wind up being the one managing the entire situation. Now I don’t mind the idea of taking care of Hendrix, but I didn’t want to take care of the guys, the band’s team, the baby, and the nanny.”

I laugh along with her. “No, I’m glad I was the one they picked too. I think it has something to do with the fact that we were friends before, but you know, I still worry that it’s not going to last.”

“Not going to last?” Mags asks as she tilts her head slightly. “What do you mean?”

I have to bite my tongue. I realize she doesn’t know about the relationship I have with the guys, so I proceed carefully. I don’t want to tell her more than what they would want, remembering what they said about her watching Hendrix so we could have sex.

“I mean, with the way the baby mama just kind of showed up out of nowhere, I worry I’m going to be replaced. I’m sure I’m overthinking things, but what if she comes up to the band and convinces the guys that it would be better for her to be the one with Hendrix and them since she’s his mother, you know?” I ask.

“Oh, I see what you mean,” she says. “I don’t think they’d do something like that. Caleb seemed pretty pissed off with the way she showed up at the show the other night, and I don’t think that sentiment has changed any since then, for any of the guys.”

“Sure, but at the same time, I don’t know. I just feel like if she comes around again with the argument that it would be better for him to have his mom in his life, they’re going to be swayed to think her way. They love this little guy so much, I can see them making a difficult choice like that if they thought it was in his best interest to do so,” I admit. “And that scares me.”

“But I think you have the same kind of influence on them, if not more,” she says.

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