And I can’t breathe.
“What are you doing here?” Caleb demands.
“Who’s she?” Clarissa asks. “Honey, groupies don’t show up until after the show.”
“Then what are you doing here, you bitch?” I yell at her. “What are you doing here with her?”
My second question is directed at Caleb, and he puts his hands in the air.
“I didn’t know you were going to show up,” he says.
“Oh, what’s wrong? Did I screw up your little fuck fest?” I demand.
“That’s not what I mean,” he says.
“Where are your brothers?” I shoot back. “Do they know you’re here fucking her?”
“I wasn’t fucking her!” he yells. “I wasn’t even making out!”
“I think now would be a good time for me to exit,” Clarissa says. “Bye, Caleb. We can pick this up later.”
“Get out!” I shout at her.
She gives me a look, and I want to grab her by the hair and throw her to the ground. I want to kick her face in. I want to fight her with all that I have in me. I want to scream and punch and kick.
And not just because it’s Clarissa. Though that doesn’t help this situation.
The root of this issue is that it’s reinforcing in my mind the idea that I’m never going to be anything more than a warm body to the triplets. No matter how hard I try or how much they tell me I do matter to them and I’m not just someone they’re fucking, I know they are going to ultimately choose someone else above me.
I’m going to be forgotten about all over again.
“It’s not what you think,” Caleb says when she’s gone. “You just walked in at the wrong time.”
“Oh really? It’s not what I think? Because I think I just caught you making out with the mother of your child, that’s what I think.” I fold my arms over my chest. “Are you going to tell me I don’t know what I saw?”
“No, I’m not going to say that’s not what was happening, but I know you’re thinking I’m trying to get with her again, and that couldn’t be further from the truth,” Caleb says. “I swear on my life—on my career—I do not want to be with that woman. I wasn’t even the one who was kissing her. She came on to me!”
“So you were just what? Making out with her because you wanted to make out with someone so bad at that moment all you could think to do was make out with the one woman who was around? And why was she even here? You don’t find it to be grossly inappropriate to have her in the bus with you? What am I supposed to think?” I demand.
I’m firing the questions so quickly that Caleb doesn’t have a chance to reply to any of them before I throw another in his direction. I’m right in the middle of going off on him when the other two walk in, and they’re both shocked and confused to see the way I’m yelling at Caleb.
“What the fuck is going on in here?” Terry asks.
“Nothing, I just found Caleb with his tongue down Clarissa’s throat,” I snap.
“What?”
“Really?”
Both Terry and Julian speak at the same time, and Caleb rolls his eyes.
“She came on to me. I was turning her down and trying to get back from her but she wasn’t backing down. We barely even touched when Jeanette walked in, and now she’s making it sound like I had Clarissa bent over this backseat. That wasn’t the case, and she’s not listening to me when I tell her so,” Caleb says.
“Only because you didn’t have the chance to make it happen, I’m sure,” I reply. “I walk in and I see the two of them making out. I don’t know why you’re so surprised with the reaction I’m having. I told you already I was afraid of losing you to her, and now look where I am!”
“Settle down and listen,” Julian says. “You know being famous we’re going to run into women who throw themselves at us.”
“And if she was the one who came on to him, how can you say that they were making out? You don’t know what went down in here.” Terry also comes to his brother’s defense. “I think you should take a deep breath and think about this before you go off so strongly.”