Page 44 of Carter

“I won’t stand here and lie to you, Carter. I do love you. How can I not? You’re the father of my child, but look how badly this has ended. It’s a fucking mess.” Her eyes hold mine, and it’s so intense I thought I would have a heart attack. My head is spinning, and my heart rate is beating out of my chest.

“Leandra,” I say breathlessly.

“I think you should go. I’ll send my lawyer to figure out a custody agreement.” She says as she pulls away from my embrace.

“Please.”

“It’s over, Carter. It’s done. Get out, please!” She shouts angrily. My face is the last thing she wants to see right now. The heartbreak was worse than rejecting Sienna three years ago. Even worse than finding out Leandra left Australia. Everything came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t ignore the severe pain that covered my body. More tears fell from my eyes as Leandra watched them fall from my face before looking away.

“I’m not giving up on you, Peach. I’ll wait.” I say, my voice croaks. “But I want you to know one thing and one thing only. I never nor will I ever sleep with my secretary,” I say my voice a little harsher than I intended. Her eyes flick between mine. “Then you’ll be waiting forever.” She says coldly as she walks towards the elevator, hitting the button. The elevator doors open. “Then I guess I will be waiting forever. You're worth it.” I say as I stand there looking at her. I’m going to break down any minute now.

“Please go. I can’t bear to look at you.” She says, stepping away from the elevator so that I can get in. Feeling completely defeated, I walk towards the elevator and give her one last glance, but she doesn’t look in my direction. “I'm always going to be here for you, Leandra. If you need me, I will be here.” I tell her, my eyes burning with sadness. Leandra doesn’t reply, and before the door closes, I hear her burst into hysterical tears. “Fuck,” I curse myself as I slam my hand into the elevator wall.

I pull out my cell phone calling the head of security for our New York office—Connor answers on the second ring. “Connor, I need you to pull surveillance video from my office from three years ago. Once you have the videos send it to me and keep this between us, not a word to anyone.” I tell him as I gave him the dates I wanted him to retrieve.

“You got it, Carter. Give me a few minutes and I’ll send that over.” Connor says. I hang up the phone getting out of the elevator praying to the moon Goddess that this is all a misunderstanding.

I couldn’t fix this situation, and I had completely fucked everything up between us. I hated myself. I felt like a wreck, and my heart had been ripped from my chest. My chest began to heave as my breathing became heavier. I sit in my car and I punch the steering wheel repeatedly. I try to get as much anger out of me as possible, but nothing works because I have lost her. I was scared that it was for good.

Chapter thirty-seven

Leandra

After Carter left, I broke down crying. Nothing and no one could console me except for one person, the person who had just left my home broken. I wanted Carter to embrace me and tell me everything would be okay, but I know what I saw three years ago, and now my brain has me feeling all fuzzy. I don’t know what's true or not at this point. I don’t question his love for me like I once did because I saw the pain and suffering in his eyes, he isn’t the same Carter I met and left behind. There was a pain in his eyes, which I could have prevented if everything he said was true.

I have calmed myself down enough to logically start to question everything over the past three years. Did Carter really reject his mate three years ago? Did my mind play tricks on me that day? Because I could have sworn I saw him kiss her. If it’s true that the love I saw in his eyes that day was for me, then why did he kiss her? Why did he sleep with his secretary? All these questions have now plagued my mind. I felt dizzy and numb after hearing everything Carter had just said. I now feel emotional and guilty for the time Carter lost with his son.

“Carter. I’m sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry, Carter. Please don’t hate me. I’m sor—” I’m crying hysterically, losing myself to my guilt. I don't even register the arms that have embraced me until I hear the soft whispers of his voice against my hair.

Carter!

“Shh, Peach, everything will be okay. I don’t hate you, baby. I love you too much to hate you.” He says softly. His voice is laced with truth. I don’t have the energy, nor do I even want to push him away. I don’t want Carter to leave. I want him to stay. I wasn’t sure how many hours I cried while he held me tightly, and he pulled me closer as I cried on his chest, apologizing for everything. I don’t remember how I got into my bed, but I do remember how Carter cared for me and whispered his love when he thought I had finally gone to sleep. For the first time in years, I slept peacefully in Carter’s arms, holding me tight throughout the night.

I stretched my arm, reaching for Carter, but all I feel was a cold emptiness. I open my eyes, sighing and letting go of all the tension I was holding. I run my hands down my face feeling silly that I thought Carter was here. It had to be a dream, right? Getting off my bed, I make my way into the shower washing away the pain and tears that have stained my cheeks.

Too occupied in trying to figure out what was real and what was part of my imagination, I don’t realize I’m not alone. I immediately recognize the voice as I enter my bedroom, dressed in a simple black summer dress with my hair curled.

“Leandra,” he says softly, standing in front of me in all his glory. It wasn’t a dream. He came back, and he stayed. I swallow hard as I take him in. I didn’t pay much attention to him trying to avoid a scene at the airport and running with our son, and then last night, I was too busy crying my eyes out to really notice him. He looks different. He’s more handsome. A total tank as his shoulders were broader and firmer. His arms are thick and even more muscular. I would bet anything he now had an eight-pack.

My eyes shamelessly flick over his whole body, noticing how his white t-shirt looked like it was barely holding on for dear life and his sleeves were folded, showcasing the veins that ran up his forearm. My eyes follow his movements, his arms bulging against his shirt.

“Oh. Hi,” I eventually say after he clears his throat, obviously catching me checking him out. He gives me a panty-dropping grin as he watches me check him out, and now, he does the same. His eyes completely take me in as he looks at me from head to toe. “You look better,” he comments as he approaches me. I can’t help but feel my heart racing as he gets closer to me, making me nervous.

“Do I?” I question.

Our eyes never lose contact. My legs feel shaky, and I can almost feel them give away any second now. “Yeah,” he lets out as he stands directly in front of me. “You’re not crying anymore, and your eyes tell me you seem at peace now.” He says. I nod at his words. Then his hand reaches to cup my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. I can’t help but lean against his touch. I missed him touching me, but it didn’t last long cause he immediately pulled back as if I had just burned him. I hate that this feels awkward and tense. Carter and I were never awkward.

“Carter, about last nig—,” I say at the same time he says my name with such emotion I shut my mouth faster than ever before.

“Leandra,” he breathes out. We stand a few moments in silence as we drink each other. I, for one, use this time to think about last night’s conversation and the one voicemail that completely shattered my heart all over again. Carter promised to wait for me and said the same thing last night. And that’s when it hits me that what he said is true. He rejected his mate but he can’t deny what happened with Candace. The Facetime call showed me everything I needed to see. But why does he swear nothing happened? When I let that slip from my mouth his face had showed confusion and shock almost as if he had no fucking idea what I was talking about. My phone starts to ring, interrupting our moment of silence. I make a run for my phone, looking to find my mother calling me.

“Hey, Mom,” I say into the phone, and my voice shakes. I can feel Carter’s intense glare on me. I listen to my mom as she asks me if I’m okay and if I’ll be going home today. I also listen as she asks me if she wants me to have her watch Luca tonight or if she will bring him over.

“No, Mom, that’s okay. I’ll get Luca later today. There’s someone who would like to meet him.” I say as I turn to face Carter, looking directly into his gaze. He swallows hard as he just heard he will meet his son today. His turquoise ocean-blue eyes hold me prisoner. My son gets on the phone, and I can hear Luca greet me. He sounds happy, letting me know how much fun he had with Mama and Papa yesterday.

“Hi, baby,” I coo over the phone. Carter’s eyes show fire and desperation. He strides over, closing the gap between us. I can see the need to hear his son’s voice, and I can feel my chest tightening. Luca continues to blabber, and Carter listens intensively to his son’s words. “Luca, baby, pass me to Mama. Bye, baby. I love you.” I hear him shuffling and my mom in the background then she’s on the phone. I said goodbye and hang up.

I don’t know how I'm going to get through this without breaking down. Because every time I look at him, all I can see are his broken, tearful eyes that have haunted me for the last three years. And now, last night will also haunt me, and that kills me.

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