Page 46 of Carter

The drive to the pack house is about thirty minutes of pure torture. My nerves are a wreck, and I don’t know what the situation is currently. I know Carter has a lot on his plate as Beta for The Dark Blood pack. Isabella promises she wouldn’t tell Carter. I park towards the side of the house, taking a minute to observe my surroundings. Nothing has changed since the last time I was here.

Getting out of the car, I make my way to the front door, where it opens before I have the chance to knock. Carter is standing there, his expression unreadable. “Can I come in?” I say, biting my lower lip. Carter says nothing but moves to the side to let me pass through. The door closes, and I can hear him behind me. I turn around to face him. My mouth opens and closes, unsure what to say, but we're interrupted before I can say anything.

“Carter! Car—” Sienna walks into the room, calling Carter’s name. My gaze immediately locks with hers, and I can see that she's surprised to see me standing here. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll talk to you later. It’s nice to see you again.” She says, giving me a genuine smile.

“You too,” I say, returning the smile as she hurries past us out the door. “You’re here," Isabella says, coming from the same direction Sienna came from. “Yeah, the drive wasn’t so bad. I would have been here sooner, but I had to drop off Luca with Ashton.” I can see from the corner of my eye that hearing Luca’s name brings a smile to his face.

Carter and Liam get pulled to handle pack business leaving me with Isabella and Eva. I was in the kitchen preparing dinner for everyone when I came face to face with Sienna and another woman who entered the kitchen. Everyone can feel the tension in the air. Sienna and Violet set the table. Dinner will be served outside, with about twelve rectangular tables lined up. Liam is seated at the head of the table with Carter on his right and Isabella on his left.

I’m seated next to Carter, and Eva is next to Isabella. Then we have the other officers around us, followed by the rest of the pack members and their families. Dinner goes well as everyone talks and mingles as they welcome two new members. Sienna and Violet. The pack also seems to be celebrating that they're no longer in danger as the pack has come to an agreement and the rogue attacks have stopped.

As dessert is served and making its way around the table, I get a text from Ashton that he’s here to drop off Luca. I excuse myself from the table and walk around the front of the house, but I can feel all eyes on me. “Mommy,” Luca yells as he runs. I catch him placing a kiss on his forehead. “Hi baby, how was it with Uncle Ashton, huh?” Luca giggles before letting me know he had fun with Uncle Ashton.

“He wasn’t too much trouble, right?” I question hoping everything went well. Ashton smiles. “No, this little rugrat didn’t give me any trouble. Everything okay with you?” He questions, but I can see the worry in his eyes. “Everything is good. We were just about to have dessert. Would you like to join us?” I ask, hoping that he’ll agree to it. I look up at him with puppy dog eyes. He rolls his eyes but agrees to join us for dessert. We walk back to the table while Luca continues to talk my ear off. As soon as we turn the corner, I can hear conversations flowing, but that all stops, and all eyes turn towards us. The look of shock everyone is currently expressing is due to a tiny little pup who looks just like his daddy. Luca lets go of both our hands and makes a run for Carter, yelling his name.

“Carterrrrrrrrrrr,” Luca yells as he runs towards Carter, going as fast as he can. I stop to watch the scene unfold, and the smile currently taking over his face is one of a kind. Everyone watches, and as soon as Carter catches Luca and brings him up, spinning him around, the table erupts in claps and whistles. The pack congratulates him for the pup, which Luca has no idea what that even means, but he has a grin on his face, just like his daddy.

I place my hand over my heart. “Holy shit! You scared me,” I say, trying to calm my racing heart. These past few hours have been uncomfortable and awkward for everyone. I know he’s mad even though he says he has nothing to forgive me for, but I don’t blame him if he's angry. I’m angry with myself knowing I could have caused my son pain by preventing his relationship with his father. Carter, more than anyone, adores him. I’ve seen it by the way he interacts with him, hugs and comforts him, and reads him stories.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Carter says, bringing me back to reality.

“Why are you awake?” His deep voice asks me. His attention is instantly turned to me as he studies me. Feeling almost too naked, I try pulling the t-shirt down my thighs.

Fuck!

I should have worn better pajamas. His eyes follow my actions, and I feel my whole body burn up.

“Couldn’t sleep,” I reply as I sit on the stool across from him. “You?”

“Same,” Carter says almost too low, but I hear him loud and clear. His shoulders sag a little. “Why?” I ask curiously as I grip the glass he set before me. Taking a sip of my water, I wait for his answer. Carter’s eyes zero in on mine. He leans over so that his face is closer to mine. “I can’t sleep knowing you’re under the same roof as me and I can’t be near you. I can’t touch you.”

I swallow.

A chill runs down my spine at his honesty. “Why can’t you sleep?” He questions as his eyes fall back down on the counter. I don’t know why I can’t sleep, but I guess it has to do with the fact that every single night I spent here at the pack house, I spent it in Carter’s bed. “Can’t stop thinking,” I breathe out. Carter looks up at me in a heartbeat, and how he looks at me makes me think he doesn’t believe what I said.

“It’s weird being back here,” I admit.

“I didn’t think you would ever be back,” Carter tells me. My heart aches at his words because he’s right. I vowed never to come back. His eyes show sadness as they fall. “I waited.”

“I know,” I whisper. Knowing well what he means by that. He did wait. Isabella has told me he hasn’t spoken to anyone or contacted his mate. They’re friends from what she told me, but that’s all. My therapist encouraged me to listen to his voice message and read the text messages if I truly wanted to start fresh with my life and be happy. It took almost two years after he left them for me to finally listen to the only one I didn’t delete. I honestly don’t know what stopped me from deleting this one in particular, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.

“Carter, why did you umm wh—” I pause for a moment, trying to find the correct words for the question I have been dying to know since I listened to that voicemail two years ago and since he said it the other night as well. I released a breath I was holding, getting the courage I needed. I spit the words out. “Why did you reject your mate?”

Carter looks up at me, holding me prisoner once more as he swallows before answering. “She wasn’t the one. Guess love is crazy, huh?”

“Guess so,” I mumble quietly. The room falls into an awkward silence and I hate this feeling. I feel like I am losing him and I don’t want to lose him. I want him and it’s now or never. “I hate this!” I say as my hand motions between us. Carter furrows his eyebrows at me. “I hate this awkwardness that’s been going on between us. Carter, this isn’t us, and I don’t know what else to do to fix this.” My voice sounds almost desperate.

“You tell me what this ‘us’ is, Leandra?” Carter questions his eyes, still watching me directly.

“I want ‘us’ to be friends where we laugh and joke together. When we could hang out in silence and not have this awkwardness floating in the air. Before we broke up with each other.” My voice goes quiet. Carter’s eyes study me for a few moments. “I don’t want to be friends with you, Leandra,” I don’t reply. I can’t. Hearing him tell me he doesn’t want to be friends hurts. Before I can leave the kitchen, he walks to where I stand and cups my face. “I want you, Leandra. I don’t want to be friends because I want to be so much more for you.” He assures me, and his eyes look over my face curiously to hear what I have to say after his speech. “I don’t want to be friends,” I assure him. I cup his face stroking his cheek. Our lips graze against each other. “But I think we should keep things slow for now. Not rush into something we both might regret.” I offer, and Carter nods at my words.

“How about coffee or something? We can visit that bookstore they opened up just outside of Sydney?” Carter suggests as his lips twitch up into a smile. “I’d love that.”

“Then it’s a date.” I can’t stop myself from beaming at him. We go back to our rooms and walk up the stairs, our fingers brushing lightly across each other and blood instantly rushes through my veins. Neither of us moves our hands.

His fingers wrap around mine gently, pulling me closer to him as my head rests on his chest. His arms protectively hold me, one cupping the back of my head. He smells good, exactly like how I remember. I bury myself deeper, inhaling more of his scent. He smells like home. Closing my eyes tightly, feeling so content being back in his arms again.

I missed this. I missed being this close to him.

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