Page 11 of Clear Blue Sky

“I appreciate the honesty and I’m sorry if I’ve made it seem like that’s all I want. I’ve always enjoyed your company. We do have fun together.”

“Yes, we do.” Time to test the waters, one foot at a time. “Except all our enjoyment is in one area. Not that I’m complaining, but maybe we could do some other things.”

“We could. Do you like hiking? Or fishing?”

“I like the former. I’m not sure about the latter. I’ve never been.”

He chuckled. “We can try it and see what you think.”

“I’d like that.” She lifted her finger and chewed on her nail. “It’s your turn to tell me about your dream.”

“I was hoping you’d forget.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to. I’ll understand.”

He stood and strolled across the deck. Leaning over the railing, he looked out over the water and sipped his wine. “No. We made a deal and being with you like this is nice.” He turned, catching her gaze. “My last mission with Delta Force I was tasked with a search and rescue mission of a Navy SEAL team. I failed.”

What little she knew of the military came barreling into her mind. Every book she’d ever read on the subject assaulted her brain. Lake had once edited a book by an author who’d suffered PTSD after months of captivity. He’d been rescued by a JSOC team, but it took years of therapy before he’d been able to recount the story. Even then, he often had to pause to spend some time in therapy so he could continue. It took him three years to finish the book with the help of a ghost writer. It sat on theNew York Timesbestseller list at number one for twenty-eight weeks.

“I don’t pretend to understand much about the military, or your job in Delta Force, so may I ask what you mean by failed?” She held up her hand. “I asked because we’ve done many nonfiction books and sometimes it means good men and women have died and other times it means targets, assets, or intel were not obtained.”

“That’s a fair question.” He swirled his wine, staring at it as if it were going to speak for him. “All the men in the SEAL team died before my men and I could get to them.”

She swallowed her breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“It gets worse. You see, I was team leader. I was responsible for my men. I was the only one who made it out alive.” He set his glass down and lifted his shirt, showing off five scars in his abdomen and a crooked scar that looped from his stomach to his side to his back. “The team that rescued me broke five of my ribs performing CPR in the field to bring me back to life. I was dead for at least four minutes. I’m lucky I don’t have brain damage, but I’m not right in the head if you asked my brothers.”

“Please don’t joke about that.” She jumped to her feet and raced to his side, wrapping her arms around his bare middle, tracing her fingers along the jagged skin. “I’d have nightmares if I had died.”

“My bad dreams aren’t about me, but about all the men who perished because of me.” He pushed her away. “It’s my fault. I screwed up.”

She knew enough about what he suffered to take a step back and not take it personally. She didn’t believe for one second that he was negligent. His job required him to do things that often had outcomes that ended with the loss of life. She’d read about it, but never faced it firsthand. “I understand you feel that way.”

“Do you?” He glared.

“Yeah. I do,” she said with a firm, but kind tone.

“You can’t,” he said. “You haven’t lived it and you don’t know what war is like.”

Shit. This wasn’t her area. She had no one to ask for help on what to say or how to handle Nelson’s grief and pain. God, she hoped she was doing the right thing. “You’re right. I don’t. But what I do believe is that you’re a good man and you didn’t let anyone die unnecessarily. You did what you thought was the right thing at the time. No one can fault you for that.”

“Do you want to know what kills me about that mission?”

“Okay.”

“I was awarded the Bronze Star for my actions in that battle, even though every man under my command died. The irony in that is stunning. I didn’t—don’t—deserve it.”

“Sometimes life isn’t about bravery and being saved in the moment,” Brandi said. “But perhaps whatever you did had a bigger impact.”

Nelson nodded. “Enemy intel was intercepted thanks to my efforts and a terrorist attack was stopped. I do sleep a bit easier knowing that innocent lives were saved.”

“That has to help put some things in perspective.” She knew it didn’t make up for lives lost. However, the few military personnel she knew wholeheartedly believed that if they died in the line of duty and it saved even only one innocent life, it would be worth theirs.

“Some days it does; other days it doesn’t,” he said. “You have to remember, those men were like family to me.”

“Is that what your dream was about?”

“It’s not about one particular mission, but a compilation of everything I’ve seen in war.”

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