Page 122 of Powerless
“It’s okay. I understand. But I think you should go back to your place in the city tonight. Make sure you’re ready for your games this week. Take the time and space. We both need it. I’ll call you.”
I’ll call you.I almost laugh at how cliché I sound. What could be worse?It’s not you, it’s me?
When he doesn’t respond, I peek at his face. A familiar frozen expression gracing his features.
“I know you’re crumbling right now. I can see you falling apart right before my eyes, Jas. But I also know you need to be the one to put yourself back together. If it’s me, I’ll constantly be the one mending you when you break. Pulling you back from that ledge. And I can’t be responsible for that for the rest of our lives. That needs to come from you.” My voice cracks. “I can barely put myself back together these days.”
And with that I pat his hand and pull away, leaving the warmth of his vehicle, turning with my head held high to walk to the front door. In an even but forced tempo, I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I lean on my years of training, walking gracefully with my shoulders rolled back and head held high.
It’s not until I’ve safely closed the front door that the engine revs and wheels crunch on the snow packed street that I let my composure slip.
Then I crumble too.
35
Sloane
Summer: Ithink we need to do a boozy brunch.
Willa:I’m. Pregnant.
Summer:It’s not always about you, Willa.
Willa:Who else would it be about?
Summer:Winter just showed up and asked if we could get coffee. I really want to talk to her. But . . . I don’t know what to talk to her about. I need people to run interference.
Willa:You can talk about what a piece of shit her husband is? How cute Theo is?
Summer:Not touching any of that with a ten-foot pole. Also, Sloane might be dead. She’s just lying on the floor of my gym staring at the ceiling.
Willa:Sloane. Pick up your phone. Death isn’t an option. You’re too young and hot. And I still haven’t found out how big Jasper’s dick is.
Sloane:Why don’t you just ask him?
Summer:Lmao. Yeah, Wils. Just drop him a casual line.
Willa:You’ re alive! He’s so tall! His hands are so BIG. Please confirm the size.
Sloane:His feet are big too.
The neon lights above me flicker, and I watch one long bulb burn out entirely. Little spots crop up in front of my eyes from staring at them for so long.
I was hot when I finished dancing, but now the sweat on my skin has cooled and discomfort seeps into my pores. I still don’t move.
Discomfort is my new default.
I’ve been in this studio for hours now, dancing until I can’t think anymore. I don’t want to think. I laid in bed awake all night thinking.
I even thought about responding to Jasper’s text message this morning. And then I didn’t because I don’t know what to say.
Good morning.
Actually, no. It’s not a good morning. It’s a shit morning. And I love him so much I could easily slip into hating him. I could say something cruel. I could make him feel bad.
It might make me feel better for a minute to lash out. To make him hurt as intensely as I am.
But deep down I know he already is. Iknowhim. I know he’s panicking. He’s locked up. Frozen solid like on the steep runaway lane.
