Page 125 of Powerless
“What’s the issue?” Willa seems confused.
“Yeah, what’d he do?” Bitterness bleeds into Winter’s voice.
“He didn’t do anything. That’s the problem. He just froze. He had this perfect moment to tell me everything. And he just froze. He’s so broken. Locked up so damn tight. And I know the reasons why. I don’t even really blame him. I just . . . I wanted to be enough for him to push past it.”
I blink rapidly, taking a huge swig. “Everything he does for me says he cares. But I need”—I click my tongue and give my head a sharp bob—“I don’t fucking know. I guess after years of believing he doesn’t want me, I need more than just him falling into a happy, simple little rhythm with me. I want to feel like he can’t live without me. Like he’d do anything to have me. If he can’t find the words to tell me, I want actions. Just . . .something.”
Heads nod, and I feel spurred on by the reassurance, the lack of sleep, and the champagne on an empty stomach.
“At the risk of sounding petty, I want him to be just as lovesick as I am. I’ve wanted him for so damn long. I’m almost angry he never noticed. I want him to prove he notices now.”
“So are you guys . . . broken up?” Summer asks, her voice small and tentative.
“No. I don’t know.” A dark laugh bubbles up in me as I shrug. “I think we’re both just traumatized by our upbringings. Adulting is hard when your parents fuck you up, ya know?”
Summer and Winter give each other a loaded look before Winter says, “Yeah. I think we can relate.”
“Deep down I know Jasper will never leave me. Not even at my worst. That’s the thing about us. We can both be on our shittiest behavior and we’ll never hold it against each other for long.”
“Ugh. I love that.” Willa sniffs.
“I want him to make me feel secure. But I haven’t told him anything to make him feel secure either, and I know he needs that. Basically, I have no plan because . . . I really don’t know what to do with myself.” I sigh, looking up at the lights above me, feeling a little responsible for pushing him away. “I need to face my dad so that I can properly move on. Start fresh. I need to find my own security first. I just hope I’m not too late. But then the thought of him losing hockey? His career? His passion? All for me? I’m worried I can’t stack up against that.”
“Have you not seen the way that man looks at you?” Winter is grinning at me even though it’s an odd time to be grinning.
“I guess not.
“I only just met you two at dinner the other night, but he hangs on every word. Traces every movement. I’m not sure he even knew what else was going on in that room. It made me . . . it made me, well, it made me feel bitter if I’m being honest. It almost hurt to watch. But, ha, that’s a me thing.” She glances out the window. “At any rate, I’m giving him and his big dick my vote of confidence. Trust me. You stack up. I think he’ll come around.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
Winter shrugs, and the other two continue to stare at me all wide-eyed. I doubt they know what to say. Jasper is a mystery wrapped up in an enigma to most people.
“Then you move on.”
Move on.
I take a deep swallow of my mimosa. It sounds so simple. So easy. So . . . obvious.
And yet, so impossible.
If moving on from Jasper Gervais was an option, I’d have done it by now.
36
Jasper
Willa:Hi. It’s Willa.
Jasper:Hi, Willa. It’s Jasper.
Willa:I was going to message you and ask how big your dick is, but I don’t think Cade would love that.
Jasper:I wonder why.
Willa:Instead, I thought I would tell you that now is your chance to *prove* how big your dick is.
Jasper:Thanks for the advice.
