Page 127 of Powerless
“I don’t know. You don’t just break us up. We’re . . . I dunno. We’re bigger than that.”
“I mean, if y’all can overlook tail-babies, I’m not sure what could really keep you apart.”
I shake my head. “Dick.”
“So you’re like . . .” His hand waves around. “Soulmates on a break. Yeah, yeah. Makes perfect sense.”
Soulmates.That feels heavy.
But it doesn’t feel wrong.
“Do you love her?”
I stare at Harvey, trying to work it all out in my head like I have been for days. “Of course, I love her. I’ve always loved her.”
“Did you tell her that?”
A stone drops in my stomach. “No.”
“Why not?”
I shrug noncommittally, feeling like a child getting a scolding.
“You know why. You know this. Say it out loud.”
My voice is strained when I finally say the thing that’s been holding me back. “Because the people I love either die or leave me.”
Harvey sighs, creaking back into the big leather chair beside the fireplace in the expansive living room, “You’ve been the apple of that girl’s eye for going on two decades and she has yet to leave. No matter how bad you hurt her.”
Nausea follows a sinking sensation.
“I’ve never meant to. I swear I didn’t know . . . not when anything could have come from it anyway. I mean, we all knew when she was a kid. But as an adult? How was this so obvious to everyone but none of you assholes made fun of me about it until now?”
“Because it never seemed like you felt the same way. We did it enough when she was a teenager. It started to feel cruel. It wasn’t funny anymore at some point. Not sure if anyone’s ever told you this, Jasper, but you’re hard to get a read on. You’re moody and temperamental. Closed off. A little insecure at heart.”
“Okay. Yes, I’m getting it. This is great for my self-confidence. Please, keep going.” I prop my elbows on my knees and drop my head.
“You’re also sensitive.”
He’s not wrong. I live in my head and I feel things intensely. I always have.
“And scared,” he adds, just to really drive the point home of how badly I’m fucking things up.
“Yeah. I am. I’m really fucking scared.”
I hear Harvey’s heavy footfalls as he crosses the room and flops down on the couch beside me. When he plants his hand in the middle of my back, the bridge of my nose stings. “Of what?”
“What if I make the wrong choice? What if I put it all on the line and it blows up in my face? What if she realizes I’m not worth it and leaves me? I . . . I’m paralyzed by all the what-ifs. This isn’t just likewhat if I let a puck past?Then I just lose the game. Life goes on. But this? I have a knack for fucking people’s lives up who love me and who I love back. It’s my specialty.”
“That’s not true. You’re looking at it wrong. I love you and you’ve done nothing but make my life better.”
A strangled noise lodges in my throat, and Harvey’s hand moves up, squeezing my shoulder. I nod, still hanging my head.
“I don’t know your parents from Adam, Jasper. But I’ve gotta say I don’t want to. Anyone who could leave you behind? They don’t love you the way you deserve. And I know Sloane would agree with that. That girl has never left you behind, not for a moment. No matter how unlovable you’ve been, she’s loved you anyway. She’s loved you when you didn’t love her back and didn’t ask for shit. I think all she’s asking for is for you to love her back now. And you’re telling me you already do but are too chickenshit to tell her. She’s waited long enough, don’t you think?”
“What am I supposed to do though? Beg her to choose me instead of her family? I know what it’s like to lose your family. Even if they’re assholes, you still want them around in some way. I don’t want to be the one who makes that decision for her.”
“You don’t need to make a single decision for her—only for yourself. That girl has been choosing you for years. She’s just sick of waiting around for you to choose her back. Can’t say that I blame her. You’re slow as molasses to figure things out. And now she’s broken up with you. Anyone ever told you Sloane is the best you’ll ever get?”
