Page 60 of Powerless
His head flips my way so sharply that I wonder if it hurt his neck. His face softens when his eyes land on me, and my heart skips a beat. Within seconds that chiseled face turns back to the road, knuckles white on the steering wheel.
“I absolutely do not think you’re an idiot.”
“My life is in shambles and I’m ignoring it by choice. And I was definitely an idiot last night,” I joke, turning to stare out the passenger window at the rocks and trees crowding the mountain pass so tightly it feels like I could open my window and touch that dark, craggy stone. Icicles cling to the sharp edges from the hard frost that hit overnight.
“No. You deserved to let loose. You were funny. I needed it. I had fun.Wehad fun.”
“Hmm.” I let his words bounce around in my head.We had fun.
“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”
“How could you have embarrassed me?” He sounds genuinely confused.
“With those girls. I was a major cockblocker.”
He chuckles quietly now. “And I appreciate the blocking.”
“You’re just saying that. Let’s not pretend you don’t enjoy female company.”
He shocks me when he responds bluntly, “I like sex. The rest is too much.”
I try to swallow and end up choking on my saliva—like the winner I am right now. He’s always so damn quiet. I didn’t expect the wordsexto crest his lips so effortlessly. Let alone the part about him liking it.
I recover with, “I’ve seen you out with women at those fancy awards and stuff. So nice try.”
He shrugs, and his thick biceps rise and fall with the motion. “Looks can be deceiving. Sometimes it’s just a friend of a friend. Usually it’s someone I only see now and then. Who gets what I want and doesn’t ask for more.”
“Like a fuck buddy?” I almost want to say friends with benefits. But somehow the thought of him actually being friends with some other woman is worse. Sex is sex. Friendship though? With Jasper, friendship is love.
He clears his throat. “Basically.”
That’s such a fucking Jasper thing to say. Elusive and secretive.
“Whatever that means.” I roll my eyes and stare back out at the mountains. I don’t know how to handle this newfound tension between us. Before, it was just me in my head. Now his eyes linger a little too long, and so does his touch. Fingers twined with mine. Hand on the small of my back.
“It means meeting someone who actually likes me forwhoI am and notwhatI am feels downright impossible at this point in my career. It means I can spend surface-level time with people, but it always comes back to what I do for work or how much money I make or how famous I am. It means I can never just meet a person without that notoriety hovering over me, and that means I question everything and everyone.”
My tongue swipes over my bottom lip and my chest tightens as I unravel everything he just admitted.
“Even my mom pops up when I’m in the news or if she sees me on TV.”
I still. Jaspernevertalks about his parents.
“She does?” My voice is small, and I regard him carefully.
“Always.”
“Just to . . . say hi?”
He scoffs, and one corner of his lips tip up. But it’s not in amusement. It’s more of a wry twist, a cover for a deep hurt. “No, Sunny. For money.”
“I’m sorry. Do you know where she is?” It’s not enough. It’s not nearly enough. But I don’t know what else to say to him. I’m out of my depth with his accident and everything that came in its wake.
It strikes me as unfair that so many terrible things can happen to one person. That one human can defy the odds so thoroughly. That the universe couldn’t have sprinkled a little of Jasper’s pain over more people to make his burden just a little bit lighter.
His sister.
His mom.
