Page 108 of Reckless
Theo pecks my mouth quickly and smiles. “To intentionally terrorize you, most likely.”
“I’m going to get her back when she’s older.”
He lets out a low chuckle. “Petty. I like it. I’ll grab her and take some milk out of the freezer. You get ready for bed.”
“Sexy bed or regular bed?” I ask as he opens the door and heads across the hall.
“You could wear a nun’s habit and it wouldn’t stop me,” is what he tosses back before disappearing into Vivi’s darkened room.
I stand still, like my feet have grown roots to the floor. Theo’s deep murmurs filter back to me, along with Vivi’s cries that soften and come to a halt as he speaks to her.
Is this what it should be like?
Kisses and jokes?
An extra set of hands?
I’m struck by the moment because it’s so pedestrian. Sonormal. It’s not even movie worthy.
“Yes, there she is. Your mama.” His lips press against our daughter’s dark hair as he moves back into our room, holding her.
“Mama,” she garbles the word, but we still understand it. My arms reach out automatically as hers stretch toward me.
“Hi, Vivi baby.” I dust my nose over hers a few times as I gather her against my chest, basking in that baby scent I know won’t last.
“Here, Mama, get some snuggles. I’ll grab a bottle.”
My hand shoots out to capture Theo’s wrist, stopping him. “It’s okay. I can just feed her. We’re all tired.”
It’s not lost on me as we sit down next to each other on the edge of the bed that I haven’t breastfed in front of Theo. I haven’t pumped in front of Theo. That’s felt intensely personal. Like something I should hide from him, even though Loretta walked in the other day and didn’t give me a second glance when she asked, “Doll, do you have any gardening tools? I’m tackling the front beds at both houses today, but I can’t find one of those little handheld shovels.”
I told her to try the shed, and she gave me a thumbs up before walking back out.
Bodies don’t make me uncomfortable, and I don’t generally feel shy about my own. It’s just...Vivi’s nursing has been solely ours since the day she was born. Something we did in the middle of the night while it was quiet, or pulled over in a random parking lot when she wouldn’t stop crying. Sometimes, in a carrier while I attempted to make myself something to eat, so my breast milk was nutritious and not just glorified coffee.
I pull down the strap of my dress and glance over at Theo, but he’s not gawking at my body. Instead, his eyes linger on my face.
“What was it like when she was born? Did she nurse right away?”
My heart twists and I take this as my turn to trace my thumb over the pulse point in his wrist. “Yeah, from day one. It fucking hurt at first too. I cried when she latched for the first bit.”
“But you don’t cry.” He winks at me, and I roll my eyes. Those two motions are like our secret handshake at this point.
“What else?”
“Hmm. It was such a blur. I was so tired but couldn’t sleep. I’d wake myself up even when she was still sleeping to check if she was still breathing. My left breast produced so much milk that it squirted her in the eye once.”
He huffs out a laugh. “Really?”
We glance down at her, now straddling me, latched on, holding my breast like it’s a bottle. “I think I could have fed an entire village of babies off my left side alone. It’s the real MVP.”
“Is that why the freezer is full of breastmilk?”
I snort. “Yeah, and I’ve donated over half to the hospital.”
“Really?”
I nod, watching Vivi’s thick lashes get heavy, her blinks getting slow and languid.
