Page 44 of Reckless
I press my ear to her door and when I hear no signs of movement, a deep sigh lurches from my chest.Relief.
Until I remember who is sitting on my front porch. But I approach the front door with a cool level of detachment taught to me in med school. One I’ve spit-polished into a perfect shine working in the emergency room.
One I mastered as a child, if I’m being honest.
My hand wraps around the knob, and with an aggressive tug, I yank the front door open and stare down into the second most beautiful set of brown eyes I’ve ever seen.
It’s impossible not to gawk for at least a moment. Theo’s wet hair hugs his forehead and drops of water cling to the two peaks of his top lip. Rain has plastered his white T-shirt to his body in the most obscene way.
“Why aren’t you wearing your sling?”
Thatis what my brain decides to open with, even as I gaze down into his tortured eyes. He unfolds himself, and when he steps closer, I’m forced to tip my chin up in order to hold his stare.
“Winter, I need you to tell me the truth.”
I can feel my heart beating in my throat, and I lift a hand to quell the ache there. “Okay.”
“Is the baby mine?”
My face goes slack.Is the baby mine?Is he fucking kidding me? The crash of thunder hits me like a slap. “That’s not funny, Theo.”
“I’m not trying to be funny, Winter.”
“We’ve already talked about this, so I don’t know what you’re playing at.”
“Talked about this?” His face scrunches and his arms gesture open on either side of him.
I’ll give it to him. He appears to be genuinely confused. “Yeah. I believe the last text message I received from you was”—my hands gesture beside my head in air quotes—“Thanks for letting me know.”
For as long as I live, I don’t think I’ll forget the look on Theo’s face right now. I just watched a heart break right in front of me. And I remember how it feels. I’m familiar with the sensation of everything you thought you knew toppling down around you.
The expression on his face is haunted and my hand moves up from my throat to cover my mouth. “Oh god,” I whisper. “You really didn’t know.”
I feel outside of myself. Above us, observing. Like I’m watching two people interact in a movie or TV show.
This can’t be real.
A disbelieving laugh escapes him. “Nah. You can’t be serious.”
I stare back, not sure what to say.
He paces and lets out another laugh. This time, it sounds a little unhinged. “You gotta be joking.” Faster than the lightning streaks across the sky, he turns his back to me and jogs down the steps. “How did...” He swipes a hand through his hair and glances around the soggy front yard. “How come...” Those usually happy eyes swim with devastation when he turns his gaze back on me. “When did you...”
“Two weeks or so after. I tried contacting you so many times. I don’t know...”
His forearm flexes as he wipes his hand over his mouth. “No.” He laughs, but it borders on a sob. “You’re telling me I have a daughter and I missed it all? The pregnancy? The birth? Everything?”
It strikes me I’m watching a man unravel right before my eyes. A beautiful,shockedman. I’ve spent the past eighteen months assuming the worst about Theo, and here he is, crumbling to pieces, like the rain is disintegrating the clay that holds him together.
My mouth opens, but I don’t know what to say to him. I mean, yeah, he missed all those things. And I don’t know why, but based on the way he’s gone back to pacing and tugging at his hair, I have to assume he didn’t do it on purpose.
“Winter. Don’t fuck with me. Are you serious?”
He looks downright forlorn. Soaked and bedraggled, he makes his way back up the steps. I can hear his breathing now, not just pants, but a sort of keening sound on each exhale. A fist thumps against his chest.
“Winter.” Now my name is him pleading with me.
He’s panicking. Truly panicking.
