Page 60 of Of Songs and Silence

I have no pain relieving tonic strong enough to feel comfortable yanking the tooth out, so I gently work it back and forth as I have been doing since we left. Pumpkin watches with curiosity, no doubt wondering how to pocket the shiny, metallic treasure as soon as I’ve wiggled it out.

I shoo him away, and he retreats to my sister’s neck, though he stops at the desk along the way to pilfer the ring from my distracted husband’s hand. A smile tugs at my lips, in spite of my mood.

“Did you mean it?” Aika asks.

Her voice carries a little more than before and I know that the question is for me. I don’t ask what she’s referring to. The days on the sea have put us all on edge, and she is no exception.

“Yes,” I say simply.

“I thought you were against going back for the dragons,” she shoots back, mostly, I suspect, just because she’s itching for a fight after the storm made it impossible for us to spar.

I sigh. I had been against using the dragons in general, except as a last resort. But I’ll do what I have to, every time, to keep my family safe.

Still, Aika’s words chafe.

“I was against burning people alive, too, until I did it to keep you from getting caught.”

Despite the fact that she was the one who initiated this conversation, Aika’s eyes tighten. With another sigh, I give her a somewhat apologetic look.

Einar looks up from where he studies a map of Delphine. “We can hope it won’t come to that.”

Even knowing him as I do, I can’t be certain if his words are meant to support me or to stay my hand. Remy says nothing, but I feel his eyes on me all the same, his silent judgment of my selective morality.

“The Mayima might be brutal in general,” Einar continues. “But being royalty will afford her a certain amount of protection, and the one who came was clearly somewhat affectionate toward her.”

I had picked up on that as well. There was a certain begrudging protectiveness, at the very least, and the fact that he was deigning to deliver her message at all spoke volumes.

I nod, having no other response Einar wants to hear right now.

Picturing the great silver-white beast that saved me from Damian’s clutches, Idohope things won’t come to that. But if they do, I know I will do what needs to be done.

The resignation on his face tells me he knows that, too.

* * *

Einar and Remyhave taken to having a drink on the deck every night. Usually, I use this time to spar with Aika, but we’re going into battle soon, and we cannot go in divided.

So tonight, I go to Remy.

Einar reads me as well as he always does, excusing himself when I make my presence known. Remy doesn’t look away from where he’s staring at the reflection of stars on the churning, black sea.

At least, I assume that’s what he’s doing. His chestnut colored waves obscure his features from me. I step into my husband’s place, helping myself to some of the whiskey they were drinking.

The minutes tick by in a silence Remy doesn’t bother to break. I don’t either. Now that I’m here, I’m not quite sure what to say.

Do I apologize for a choice I would make again?WouldI do it again?

I take another sip from the glass Einar left behind, already knowing the answer. In the same circumstances with the same information I had at the time, I would have made that choice every time.

But knowing what I know now, that it made no difference in the end…

Finally, I clear my throat.

“If I had known the way that things would go, I never would have hesitated,” I say.

Remy takes a long swig of his drink, his gaze still fixed on the open sea. “Has anyone ever told you that you suck at apologies?”

I almost laugh. Almost.

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