Page 61 of Of Songs and Silence

“I don’t actually apologize often enough for anyone to comment on it,” I answer honestly.

“Now, that, I can believe.” There’s a hint of the teasing tone he used to make with everyone, though it’s buried under something I can’t quite name.

Another stilted beat of silence passes between us. I try not to think of his mother’s eyes, the same shade of cinnamon as his. The sound of her neck snapping and the look of horror on Remy’s face. He’s likely battling the same memories.

“I am sorry for what happened,” I say sincerely.

He turns to look at me, blowing out a sigh. “You can live with your guilt, Zaina, and I’ll live with mine.”

I hear everything he isn’t saying. He doesn’t blame me, not entirely. He doesn’t hate me. But he won’t offer me absolution, either.

Which is fair. He’s right. We’ll all have to live with our mistakes, but there’s no sense forgetting where the real blame lies.

“I just want to end this.” My voice is nearly as tired as I feel.

“So we can all move on with our lives?” he asks, the slightest hint of mocking to his tone.

“That, too.” I meet his eyes solidly, giving him a truth in lieu of the apology he didn’t want or need. “But honestly, at this point…I want her to pay for the things that she’s done.”

He levels me with an appraising look, clinking his glass against mine before downing the rest of his drink.

“So do I.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIX

ARIIHAU

Emotions war within me, but I work to keep them at bay, for Kala’s sake.

“Peace, Kala.” I infuse the words with all of the confidence I don’t feel.

I knew Cepheus was planning something for her. I just didn’t know it would be this soon. My mind races as I think of plans, contingencies, moving up the timeline for the rebels. Anything and everything to stop this from happening.

Relief thrums through me when Kala clears her expression, nodding. But alongside my relief, there is fury, too, because this has been her life. Playing games of obedience while she’s promised to a man who knows nothing but brutality.

It occurs to me that I’m no different, just another in a long line of people who don’t deserve her goodness. But that hardly matters now.

When I escort Kala back to her room, I follow her in under the pretense of checking for intruders. Once I’m sure we’re out of sight, I cave to my never-ending desire to have her in my arms, needing to feel her and comfort her and give her just a small sign that she matters to me, even if she doesn’t understand why that’s so important to her.

Her body melds perfectly against mine. She lets out a sigh of relief as she wraps her arms around my waist, burying her face in my chest. All I want to do is keep her here, keep her safe.

Guilt stabs through me at all the things I’m forced to keep from her. This bond is difficult enough to adjust to, even understanding it, though I grew up with the lore. I know she thinks she’s going crazy, that she doesn’t understand the way she has become my entire world.

I can’t explain that to her, not when her shields are still fickle, not when she would be the one who took the brunt of that punishment. But I can give her something.

“I promise you, he will not win, not this time.” Though I am intentionally vague, lest anyone get a glimpse of this from her mind, I let her feel the truth in my words.

For a rare change, I let her feel the part of me that is inextricably tied to her, the part of me that could no sooner lie to her than I could cut off my own arm. It’s the closest I can come to reassuring her, about her fate, and about ours.

She pulls back to look up at me through her lashes, surprise widening her eyes, and I know she hears everything I’m not saying about my loyalties, about how seriously I take protecting her.

For the first time since the day Kane pulled her into the ocean, her eyes spark with something close to hope.

* * *

After Kala goes to bed,I call upon Lieutenant Noa to guard her door once more.

I’m not worried about the king trying to hurt her, not now that he’s using her to distract his people and choose his successor, conveniently weeding out his enemies in the process.

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