Page 30 of Sebastian

He blinks at me for a few seconds, his head turning slightly into my hand. It’s all I can do to keep him at arm’s length rather than haul him right into my lap. My mind is spinning a little at how quickly he got so worked up. I almost feel like we need a little time out before moving on with our evening.

Sebastian sucks in a breath, holds it, then lets it back out. His shoulders slump. “You’re still okay with posting the video?”

“Of course,” I say before I actually consider the question. The instant the words leave my mouth, I start second-guessing myself. He’s giving me an out here, an off-ramp on this freeway that we’re barreling down. I can still have my quiet life with my friends at Mars and my full client list, a life that’s comfortable and safe.

I like this life—I do. I could be perfectly content spending the next however-many years I have left with this. But I’ll always have that “what if?” hanging over my head, wouldn’t I? The possibility of something more that I’ll never know if I missed out on.

No, I’ve come this far already. I have to see it through. “Yes, of course I still want you to post the video.”

The relief on Sebastian’s face alone is worth it and a tightness I hadn’t noticed in my chest eases with his smile.

“Thank you,” he says. It’s two simple words, but the way he says them, so softly and wearily, it makes me wonder whether there’s more going on here than I can see. Whether his getting worked up isn’t all that it seems.

My buzzer goes off, giving us the excuse we need to hit reset on the evening. I let the delivery guy up and pull out a few bills as a tip. I set the heavy bag of food on the coffee table, then make a quick trip to the kitchen for plates and a roll of paper towels. I don’t know how Sebastian eats his tacos, but usually, I’m lucky if I can get more in my mouth than in my lap.

We take the moment to get ourselves set up, sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. I divvy up the tacos—al pastor, carnitas, pescado, and chorizo—and I’m through my first one when Sebastian breaks the silence.

“So, um…” He peeks at me through his lashes. “Why did you say yes to collaborating with me?”

Ah, back to this. I take my time polishing off the chorizo and wiping my mouth. If he’s expecting a clean and easy answer, I’m not sure what to tell him. I don’t really know how to explain all the complicated thoughts that led to my decision. Sometimes, it feels like it was more a compulsion than anything else.

“I guess I was curious,” I finally say. It’s the truth, or at least, as close to the truth as I can get. “Your operation is really different from what I’ve done in the past. And I liked what I saw on your feed.”

Sebastian cocks his head. “You’ve seen my feed?”

Crap. I hadn’t meant for Sebastian to ever find out. In fact, I’ve been meaning to cancel the subscription, but every time I go to the page, I end up scrolling instead of canceling.

I wince as I answer, “Um, yeah?”

He sets his half-eaten al pastor down and sits up straighter. “My OnlyFans page? As a subscriber?”

I sigh. There’s no point in denying it now. He can probably look up my information to confirm it. “Yeah, as a subscriber.”

Sebastian’s eyes dance as he shifts to his knees. “For how long?”

I cringe at how stalker-ish this makes me look. “Not that long?”

He narrows his eyes at me. “How long is not that long?”

“Since you gave me your card?”

His lips part like he’s going to say something, then he closes them again. One corner twitches like he’s trying to hold back his grin. “Was it… for research? Like, scoping out a business partner?” he asks, amusement lacing his tone.

I rub the back of my neck. “It was partially that,” I admit.

“And the other part?”

“Because…” I clear my throat and shift around on the floor. My joggers are suddenly tight as I think back to all the hours I’ve spent on his page, scrolling and watching and rewatching. “You’ve got good content. It’s… educational.”

Sebastian snickers and the sound turns into a giggle, setting off the bubbly feeling and the goosebumps over my skin. “Educational?”

“Yeah, you know, I read the articles,” I say with a smile and an exaggerated shrug.

He leans forward and lowers his voice into a whisper. “Christian, there are no articles.”

“What?” I exclaim. “There aren’t? I could’ve sworn there were.”

“Uh-huh.” He grins at me and I grin back at him.

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