Page 60 of Sebastian

Sebastian blinks at me and for a moment I’m sure I’ve lost the argument. But then he finally nods. Thank-fucking-god.

“Okay. Good.” I help Sebastian to his feet and guide him out of the doors in front of us. “Do you want to walk back? Or would you rather call a cab?”

“Walking’s fine,” Sebastian says quietly.

The night is warm and our hotel isn’t far, so I tuck Sebastian under my arm and lead the way. We’re silent as we walk and my mind drifts back to Sebastian up on the stage earlier. He was brilliant. His acceptance speech had been witty and gracious and I haven’t been so proud of anyone in my life.

Knowing now that he was probably fighting back an anxiety attack the whole time makes me even prouder of him. He’s so brave in the face of adversity, strong even when knocked down. He doesn’t need me to protect him, but I want to protect him all the same.

In the elevator up to our room, Sebastian turns to wind his arms around my waist. I tuck his head under my chin and hold him until the elevator dings and the door opens on our floor. In our room, I help him out of his suit, then his shirt, then his pants until he’s wearing nothing but a pair of pink boxer briefs that match the handkerchief in his breast pocket. I press Sebastian onto the bed before stripping myself down to my underwear too.

“Meds?” I ask.

Sebastian points to the bathroom. “Toiletry bag.”

I grab it along with a glass of water and bring it back to the bed. “How many?” I ask, opening up the pill container.

“Just one.”

I shake it out and drop it into Sebastian’s hand. He swallows it down and we climb in under the covers. We find each other in the middle of the bed, heads on the same pillow, limbs tangling together.

“How are you feeling?” I ask.

“It’ll take a bit for the drugs to kick in.” He scoots in a little closer and his eyes flutter shut.

I press a kiss to his brow and breathe in the scent that is uniquely Sebastian. I love that smell, the way it winds itself into me and lights me up from the inside out. I’m defenseless against Sebastian’s cute grins and even cuter stammering. I admire the hell out of him and what he’s accomplished all on his own.

I love him.

The realization is like a flip of a switch in my mind, like a lightbulb suddenly turning on and I can finally see things clearly. From the moment he walked into Mars with those bright eyes and handed me his business card, I was a lost cause. Every single thing we’ve done since then, everything we’ve said to each other—it feels inevitable that we would end up where we are now.

No wonder I felt immediately drawn to Sebastian. No wonder I jumped at the chance to work with him. Some part of my subconscious must’ve recognized who he was and what he would become to me. My heart must’ve known that it had just met its soulmate.

I study Sebastian as he sleeps, the long fan of his eyelashes over his cheeks, the slight pout of his lips, the steady and shallow rise and fall of his breathing.

Could these feelings be the result of the camera that’s constantly pointed at us? Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t think I care either way. If it wasn’t for the camera, I wouldn’t have had the chance to spend all that time with him and learn about him and discover how wonderful he is. If it wasn’t for the camera, I would never have fallen in love.

Because this protectiveness I feel for Sebastian, the compulsion I have to give him everything he needs and everything he wants—it must be love. I’ll do anything to make him happy, anything to make sure he’s provided for. If it means making hundreds of videos, then I’ll do it. If it means diving back into the world of adult entertainment, I don’t have to think twice. If it means dragging Sebastian out of its clutches, then I’ll be more than willing to do that too.

He’s my life now. His well-being is my well-being. His success is my success. My fate is bound up with his and that makes me so deliriously ecstatic. I grin—a full smile with teeth showing. It’s silly, I know, but I can’t help it. There’s no way to contain this kind of joy. It’s bubbling up inside me and flowing out over the top. I want to shake Sebastian awake just to tell him.

I love you. You’re amazing and I love you.

I turn carefully and reach for my phone instead. I might’ve downloaded Instagram a while ago to better facilitate my Sebastian-stalking addiction. Now I’m glad I did it. It’s awkward trying to type with one thumb without jostling Sebastian, but this isn’t something I can put off. I hit the search bar and start inputting names of anyone and everyone I can think of. When the app suggests related accounts to follow, I tap on those too. It doesn’t take long for people to start following me back.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

SEBASTIAN

I wake up to the sound of light snoring in my ear. A warm breath tickles my collarbone and a heavy arm is slung over my middle. Christian is fast asleep, curled around me like he’s trying to shield me from the rest of the world.

He looks… not younger, but less guarded when he’s asleep like this. His brow is relaxed and I didn’t realize how much of his intense gaze came from the subtle furrow he always sports. My heart flips over in my chest and I smile at the achy fullness there.

The clock on the nightstand flashes 3:27am. Oh god. I’m groggy from crashing so hard and there’s a chemical taste at the back of my tongue from my medication. I should probably get up for some water, but I don’t want to leave the safety of Christian’s arms.

He found me last night and brought me back here. He got me my medication and put me to bed. Like he’d been doing it for ages. Like this is a regular part of our life together.

Even when I wanted to go to the afterparties, Christian knew better. And thank god, because I can’t imagine what kind of disaster that would’ve been. I don’t know what was going through my mind that made me think I could actually survive any of those parties.

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