Page 23 of Because of Blake

“Oh.” His shoulders sag and his brow furrows. “Can I ask why?”

“I have my reasons.”

“Okay.”

The hurt in his voice and the disappointment on his face are heart wrenching. Almost enough for me to want to take back my words, but I steel myself for the onslaught of pleasantries coming my way. He’ll say he understands and tell me goodnight, but not before saying he’ll see me later. I won’t see him again, though. We’ll avoid each other at all costs. The idea rips my heart to shreds.

“Well, can we still be neighbors?” There’s an endearing hopefulness to his tone.

I nod. “Of course. I’d like that.”

“Me too.” Blake shivers. “Okay, it’s freezing, and I do have to let Oscar out. I’ll talk to you later, Maggie. You and the kids have a Merry Christmas.”

“Thanks, you too.” As I watch him walk down the snow-covered street, I’m relieved at how well our conversation went, though there’s a surprising hint of remorse lingering on my tongue. Maybe I shouldn’t have said no?

Chapter eight

Thenewyearcomesand I ring it in curled up on the couch with Dylan fast asleep in my arms and Sydney in her room. New Year’s has never been my favorite holiday, but Dylan gets excited to stay up late every year, even though he never makes it.

As the ball drops and fireworks go off all around us, I lean down and kiss Dylan on top of his head. I sit back up, my eyes landing on our Charlie Brown Christmas tree and a pang of guilt rips through my gut for not decorating more. A tree is the most I’ve been able to manage for the last three years. Dylan still believes in Santa, so I have to have one, though it’s always bare. I know my kids aren’t surprised. They’ve stopped asking about it.

I’ll try again next Christmas.

January and on into February are brutally cold, even for Colorado. The temperature never gets above twenty-five, which means other than going to work and school, we stay inside. It also means I don’t get to see Blake. The most we’ve interacted since before the new year is a wave as I drive by while he’s out walking Oscar. There’s no sense in freezing my butt off for the chance to talk to him, but I miss our conversations all the same.

It snows several times, and I keep watching for Blake to come help me again, but he doesn’t. For one thing, the snow accumulations are an inch or two. I’d feel ridiculous if someone had to come help me shovel so little. Plus, the timing is all wrong. Instead of snowing on a weekend, it seems to only snow during the week, and Blake works full-time.

With a shake of my head, I remind myself I turned him down, so it doesn’t matter. Still, I don’t like the emptiness in me when he’s not around.

To force myself to ignore what I’m feeling, I throw myself into my job. The new year always brings new cases, and when Abbey comes down with the flu in early February, I take over her paperwork, too. She’s a little more than angry when she comes back to find I’ve successfully finished everything without breaking a sweat. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me walk a bit taller through the office.

One morning, on my way back from the copy room, I have to pass Abbey talking to our receptionist. I wish there was another route I could take. Ever since she was sick, she’s been extra pissy with me.

“You should totally come with us. It’s a lot of fun,” Abbey says over the receptionist desk, smacking her gum before turning her chin over her shoulder. “Maybe Maggie wants to come, too.”

I stop in my tracks. “Come to what?”

Abbey spins around, leaning against the desk and picking at her manicure. “Me and some friends are going speed dating for Valentine’s Day tonight. You’re single, right?”

Yes, but I didn’t turn down Blake so I could pick up some random guy at speed-dating. “Thank you for the invite, but I’ll have to pass.” My words are clipped, but my tone is pleasant. I think.

“Okay, suit yourself. But you never know, you could find your knight in shining armor.”

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Why would I need that?”

A malevolent grin crosses Abbey’s lips. “So you could have some company on your high horse.”

My jaw clenches and I grip the stack of copies in my hands so tight, I feel like my nails are putting holes in the paper. Two can play at this game. I lift my chin and straighten my posture. “Then there wouldn’t be any room for me to carry your load.” I stride off, but not before seeing Abbey’s mouth drop open. I smile.

“Come on, Sydney. It’ll be like old times. Remember how much fun we used to have sledding?” I’m pleading with my daughter to be a kid for a little while so I can take Dylan to the neighborhood park. “There’s a fantastic hill.”

She purses her lips. “It’s too cold.”

“Syd, it’s forty degrees and the sun is out. It’s perfect.”

Winter is always hard for me. Aside from the obvious turmoil of the holidays, being stuck inside when the weather is bad really takes a toll on my mental state. I like to be outside. When it’s zero degrees and snow is blowing sideways, I keep my butt in the house, but today is too nice to pass up.

“I’ll go for an hour.”

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