Page 67 of Arrogant Heir

That’s it. It’s over before it’s begun. If she’s still in love with her fiancé, I never had a chance, anyway.

CHAPTER41

Jamie

I can’t believe how things ended between us. What a rollercoaster from the highs of yesterday at Damian’s place to the lows of today. It’s like being awake in a nightmare and my head’s spinning with gloomy thoughts.

I’ve no one to blame but myself. It was a fake date. He said so! What the hell was I expecting? I’d deluded myself into thinking we’d have some romantic happy ending where the prince chooses me—his Cinderella. But no, he chose his ex-girlfriend.

Real life is not a romantic novel, and I could kick myself for opening up to him so much yesterday. He must know how badly I’ve fallen for him and pity me, hence all the texts after I left.

But that wasn’t ordinary sex yesterday. Was it? Well, it certainly wasn’t for me, anyway. It was sizzling hot, and the memory of him touching me and making me come, and us losing it together, has me yearning for him all over again. It’s a cycle of desire I can’t escape. I want his arms around me, and the scent of him on my body. I want to feel his skin rubbing against mine. The smell of his aftershave lingers on my hands, and my eyes fill with tears. I’m empty and hopeless.

Maybe I’m not supposed to fall in love and get married. It doesn’t seem to be on the cards for me, no matter how much I always believed it was. Perhaps it’s old-fashioned to even want such a thing, and I need to settle for what is. Three months ago, I was sobbing over the end of my engagement to Simon, and now I’m crying over Damian.

The scariest thing is, Iknowthis is different. I never felt like this over Simon, no matter how much I talked myself into believing he was the love of my life. I wept and the breakup hurt, but I think it was more about the loss of our imagined future than the loss of Simon in reality.

I’m sure now that he wasn’t the love of my life, and he never will be.

Is that why I had to go through this devastating heartbreak with Damian? Is life just trying to teach me the hard way that I don’t need the fairy tale? That I’ll be okay without it?

Deep down, I know I’ll be okay, but it doesn’t feel like it right now. And I don’t want to be just okay. I want to share my life with a man I love so much that when he enters the room, my heart erupts into joyful particles at the sight of him. I want to have a family. But not with Simon, so I’ll have to get used to being on my own again.

I sigh. I’m a hopeless romantic and even in my despondent mood, a tiny treacherous piece of me still yearns for the fairy tale. And thinks that Damian isthe one.I’ve always believed I’d find my soul mate and, deep down, I believe he is mine.

But if he doesn’t want Steph back, why doesn’t he say so? He’s left apologetic messages but never once said he’s not with her. I’m tired of men who need to apologise for their behaviour. I knew what I was getting into, but I thought I could trust him to be mine for at least one night! I thought this was our time, and we’d see where it took us.

It took us to this dark place and now I feel like I’m crashing into a wall, and I don’t want to think about the future without Damian in it. The more I think that way, the angrier I become with myself for thinking it.

I tell myself, I’m a strong independent woman and I don’t need a man.I will survive.I leap up from my chair near the window. This is my cue for Gloria Gaynor’s heartbreak survival anthem. My mum used to play it in the kitchen when she was cooking. As I jig about the lounge, I feel slightly better, and a rush of rebellion surges through me.

He won’t break me.

I can’t bring myself to reply to his calls and texts when I think he wants her and is just being polite. He must be checking on me because he feels guilty and knows we may still bump into each other when I return to Greystone to get my things. If that’s all there is between us, I’d rather not hear from him again.

The day drags to an end, and I huddle in bed trying to read a book but unable to concentrate. After reading the same paragraph over and over, I shove the book away and click the light off.

I will myself to sleep to numb the raw pain that runs through me. My last thought before a restless sleep takes me is that I’m grateful my mum said she can drive me to Greystone tomorrow so I can pick up my stuff and drive back to London in my car.

I will say goodbye to the Rochesters and forget Damian.

Won’t I?

Honey greets me like she hasn’t seen me in weeks when I exit my mum’s car, and I stroke her apricot head and let her lick my face. ‘Hello, beautiful girl,’ I say.

Albert invites my mum into the kitchen for a cup of tea while I pack up my stuff. I tell her to go ahead because I’d rather do it alone. I want to savour the last moments of my time at Greystone. Mum knows something’s wrong because I couldn’t summon any chatter on the way over and she said I look like death warmed up.

Not exactly the look I was hoping for, but it doesn’t matter. I’m not expecting to see any of the Rochester siblings, but I must say goodbye to Arthur. It’s not his fault his eldest grandson is so arrogant he needs two women in one day.

Anger buzzes through me and I think it’s the only thing keeping me going. It’s easier to be angry with him than to feel the other frightening emotions he evokes in me so readily.

Thank God he won’t be here. I will get my stuff, say goodbye and be on my way back to my ordinary life in Clapham.

I hear a ping on my phone and check it, thinking it must be my mum, but it’s Simon.

Surprise! I’m outside. What do I have to do to get into this old fortress?

I text him back immediately:Outside Greystone?

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