Page 73 of His Queen

“No, I’m not!” I grit out. “I’m not healing because he’s still inside me.”

Nicoli curses under his breath and starts to pace.

“How am I supposed to heal when I still feel him inside me?”

“I want to help you, Hummingbird. I’ll do anything for you, but—”

“But what? Do you think the idea of you being inside me repulses me?Irepulse me, Nicoli.” I press my hand against my chest. “My body repulses me because he’s everywhere. I can’t even wash myself when I’m in the shower because it’s like I’m touching him. I can’t take a fucking pee without feeling sick to my stomach. I don’t want to touch anywhere near there because it’s his. He fucking took it from me.”

“Fuck!” he snaps, and I’m sure he’s about to tear his hair from his scalp.

“He took my body without my consent, Nicoli. And I want it back.” I sob through my words. “I want it back, please. Get him out of me. I’m begging you.”

“Mira, you’re still hurting. You’ve been through hell, and you need to heal first.”

“I won’t heal while that monster still infects me from the inside.” Flashes of red crack through my mind. “Or maybe I’m the monster,” I say softly, glancing at my hands. “I killed. I have blood on my hands.”

Nicoli wraps his fingers around my shoulders, leveling me with his stare. “You killed those two men to survive, Mira. Not because you’re a monster.”

What about Marco?I think to myself. I killed him in a fit of rage, but I haven’t told anyone that I remember that night. I’m not ready yet. Maybe I won’t ever be.

I lift myself on my toes, pressing my lips against Nicoli’s, and he palms my cheeks, groaning into our kiss. “You’re not ready.”

“I won’t ever be ready, but it’s the only way. Please help me. Help me erase him,” I beg through my tears. “Take it away. Take it all away.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t. I just need his touch gone.”

Nicoli closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He exhales, kissing my forehead. “But I need you to promise me that you’ll tell me to stop when—”

“I promise,” I say, licking the salty tears from my lips. “I promise.”

I let out a breath when he picks me up and carries me to bed, gently laying me down. Shivers dance along my skin, but I can’t ignore the nerves that are tightly wrapped around my stomach. I’m scared. Of course, I am. But I know deep down that this is the only way for me. Nicoli is the only one who can heal all the wrongs that have been done to me.

Just him.

“Say the word, and I’ll stop,” he assures me, and I answer him by slipping the oversized shirt over my head. It’s one of his shirts I slipped on last night while he was sleeping because it smelled like him and comforted me.

I lick my lips as he undresses, his eyes never leaving mine as if he’s searching for a clue—any sign that I’m uncomfortable or scared or hurt. Everyone assumes that someone who’s been violated would never want to be touched again. But everyone is different. Survivors survive in different ways. No person is the same. And this is what I need. Him. The man I’ve loved all my life because I trust him, and not even Nunzio’s corrupt touch could destroy it—destroy what I share with Nicoli.

As he leans over me, his hands hovering over my body, I watch his expression reflect an array of emotions as he gently touches every mark, every wound, every cut.

“I’m going to kill him, Hummingbird,” he murmurs before placing a kiss on the Band-Aid covering the cut Nunzio made on my thigh, and my breath hitches. “I’m going make him pay for every ounce of pain he caused you.” His lips brush tenderly against my skin as he kisses my stomach, causing me to shiver. “I’m going to force him on his knees by your feet, make him confess every little thing he did to you as if you’re God.” My blood starts to thicken and simmer in my veins, and I close my eyes tight. “I’m going to have him beg for forgiveness while his blood flows for you.”

“I won’t grant him forgiveness,” I murmur. The vivid image he’s creating thrills me, the idea of revenge slowly smothering the pain Nunzio left behind. “More,” I urge, weaving my fingers through his hair. “Tell me more.”

Nicoli places a kiss on my pussy, and my core tightens. “Is it turning you on, Hummingbird? Knowing what I’ll do to the man who hurt you?”

“Yes,” I breathe. It’s not a lie. My body craves more of his promises, as it feeds a darkness in me I never knew was there. “More.”

“He’ll taste your wrath while I make him choke on his own blood.” With a slow, leisurely stroke of his tongue through my slit, my back arches with something I haven’t felt in so long. Desire. Pleasure that’s not pain. My body is set alight by the thought of bittersweet retribution flowing from Nunzio’s veins. I want him to suffer. I want him to die slowly, painfully, until he begs for the final blow.

Nicoli moves over me, his hand dragging down my outer thigh as he settles between my legs. There’s no fear, no uncertainty, no nightmares flashing in my head. There’s nothing but desire for rapture…and revenge.

He stares deep into my eyes as he positions himself at my entrance, the blue in his irises glimmering with bright devotion and dark promise. I suck in a breath when he brushes wisps of hair from my face.

“I will cut out his heart,” he says, inching into me, causing my lips to part. “And I will lay it at your feet. I fucking swear it.” He moves, sliding into me, unhurried yet deliberate, and I whimper as his vow burns the newfound steel in my veins. “You will have your justice,” Nicoli whispers against my ear as his lips brush over the shell of it. He grinds his body against mine, moving at a pace that is both excruciatingly slow and electrifyingly intense. I can feel every inch of him as he slides into me with each thrust, pushing in deeper and deeper, and I can feel the life in my soul slowly returning.

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