Page 46 of Pomegranates and Olive

Ginny and I are on the terrace, having just opened our second bottle of wine while grazing through a platter of treats that Aydin prepared for us when she finally goes there — she asks about Luca.

"How are you feeling?"

"Do we really have to talk about this?" My heart skips a beat as that dark cloud of regret and guilt threatens to smother me again. Even so, I take a deep breath, ready to explain what happened. "Well you'd better top up my glass, then."

She fills my wine glass to the brim and taps hers to mine. "Go."

"My life is just one big mess."

"True, but you never even told me how you guys left it. Are you and Luca on a break, or did you break up?"

I'm afraid if I say it out loud, if I say that Luca and I broke up, then I can't pretend that this is all a horrible dream, so rather than say anything, I merely nod my head.

"You broke up?"

I nod again.

"Are you sure?"

"Let’s think about it for a minute, shall we?” Using my fingers, I count back to Ginny every dumb thing I’ve done since that night. "One, I vomited on him. Two, I ran out on him. Three, I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since that night. Four, right now I’m sitting on your terrace on the other side of the world and for a bonus number five, I’ve kissed another guy."

"Well when you put it like that…."

"I’ve rung him about one hundred times but his mobile is always switched off so I left messages until the mailbox was full. I rang the station but he was always out on call. Again I left messages there. The day before I left I rang his mother.Shehung up on me."

"Ouch, but your mother said that —"

"Well of course my mother is going to support Luca. Anyone would think he was her child instead of me, the way she acts."

"And he never got back to you so you don’t actually know what he’s thinking right now?"

I glare at my cousin. "No I don’t because he never called me back, but I did speak to Alice today."

"Oh? How's she doing? Not long until the baby is due."

"Hmmm."

"What's that mean?"

I breathe out in a whoosh of air that I didn't realise I'd been holding. "She's very angry at me."

"Darl, she's hormonal. It's normal to be a little crazy... or so I hear."

Now my voice cracks as tears fill my eyes, although I honestly don't know if these tears are for Alice or for Luca... or even for Deniz who so willingly replaced me and mymiciowith Maeve and her see-through dress. "She really let me have it. Apparently, Luca has disappeared. His family doesn't know where he is. I certainly don't know where he is. Alice is really worried about him and the added stress isn't healthy for the baby, and understandably, it's all my fault."

Ginny opens her mouth to say something, but she just as quickly closes it. She waits a beat before replying. "Luca is one of the most sensible people I know. He's not out doing something stupid. He's probably just blowing off a little steam somewhere."

"That's what I said, what I tried to say anyway."

"She probably just didn't want to hear that from you right now. She'll cool down."

"Yeah, I guess."

"But you need to acknowledge that this isn't entirely your fault."

"Of course it is! I deserve Alice's anger. I deserve Luca's anger as well." I look at her incredulously. "I broke his heart because I had to, for my own sanity, not because I wanted to."

"I'm sure he understands that you were… are… going through something. Everything can be sorted out."

---