Page 66 of Pomegranates and Olive

My mind is fried trying to dissect everything that happened tonight.

First, there's Deniz. A man who frustrates the hell out of me, a man who makes me want to scream, but somehow, for some inexplicable reason, makes me smile, when I’m not furious with him that is. Of course now I understand why he rushed me out of his place tonight like a bomb was about to go off on our asses. He knew Luca was here. Inwardly, I moan. I really screwed up with him, big time.

And then I walk through the door to find Luca here?

Aarrghhhh!

Walking out of one shit show and straight into another does little for my mental health or my digestion issues for that matter. I take a few deep breaths to calm down; God knows I don't want to vomit on Luca again. I drop into a chair and look up at him. My voice sounds small when I finally speak. "I don't know where to start."

"That's fine because I do." He slams his hand down on the table, causing the numerous empty glasses to rattle, and stares me down, his piercing blue eyes blazing. "I'm so angry with you. I deserve an explanation as to why the woman that I've loved for nearly half of my life walked out without a word because some hack psychic tells her to."

My eyes widen in surprise by this little revelation. I hadn't told him about Madam Magda.

"Yes, I know about the fortune teller. After you disappeared, that's all anybody seemed to be able to talk about."

"I'm sorry."

"Is that all I get? Am I supposed to just accept 'I'm sorry' and move on with my life? Maybe I'll meet someone else, go out to dinner and see if we click? No, Liv, the real world doesn't work like that. You don't get to make decisions for me about my life. We were supposed to be a couple, a team. We weresupposedto make these decisions together."

“We broke up!”

"Christ, Liv, no we didn’t bloody well did not break up! What did happen was that I asked you to marry me. What did happen was that I told you how much I love you and how I want to spend the rest of my life with you, how I want to wake up beside you, love you, be with you, forever... and you vomited all over me before bolting out of there like a petulant fucking child. Christ! You didn't talk to me about it, or try to explain how you were feeling, no, you just ran out of the restaurant and out of my life, and I had no fucking clue why. I still have no fucking clue why."

I fold my arms across my chest to prove to Luca that I am the petulant child he accused me of being. "I didn't actually say no."

"Only because you vomited on me."

"True." When he's right, he's right. I really hate that about him. "I think I would've broken up with you if you'd vomited all over me."

"Again… we didn’t break up… even though youdidvomit all over me." He let loose a low chuckle, and I smile a little easier back at him. "What a mess you made."

"Ruined Rosie's dress."

"I know." This time he laughs out loud.

We're in the middle of an argument but it’s good to hear Luca's laugh. I can't remember the last time either of us did that together.

"You really should think about going to a doctor about your stomach. It's a bit of an issue."

"Yeah, yeah." I sigh with exaggeration. “I did try to call you.”

“I know.” He admits reluctantly before continuing, "Do you know why I asked you to marry me?"

I shake my head.

"It was Alice. Not Alice herself but the idea of Alice. I want someone who loves me so completely, like Alice loves Gabe." He sighs and takes my hand. I want to pull away, but this time I can't. It’s like all the years fade away on a wave of nostalgia and I’m 15 again. His scent, a familiar mixture of soap and Old Spice, fills my heart and the familiarity of his voice overwhelms me as tears well up in my eyes. It's just Luca and Liv, together again. I lean toward him, consciously or unconsciously, I don't know. "We used to have that same love and... Liv, you're the one that knows me best, you keep me going, you support me in everything I do. We were building a life together. But suddenly, and I don't know exactly when it happened, we lost that connection we once had. You've been missing for months... emotionally, I mean. Even when you were sitting right beside me, it was somehow emptier and sadder with you there. I wanted to talk to you, tell you things but I couldn't, and I didn't know how to make any of it better for either of us. You made it almost impossible for me to love you. And I fucking came all this way to tell you I still love you but now I’m here and you’re here and I just don’t know anymore. I was sitting on the plane before take off and I was thinking I was making a terrible mistake, that maybe it’s not supposed to be Luca and Liv, that maybe it’s supposed to be Luca and someone else.”

"I'm truly sorry for hurting you, Luca, but you need to know that I’m not Alice. " I close my eyes in an attempt to keep those pesky tears at bay, willing myself to be strong and willing my stomach to stop its freefall. "I’m a mess, a hot mess in fact. Honestly, I didn't realise what terrible shape I’m in until I came here and I had time to focus on myself, to find out who I am but also who I want to be.”

“Are you done now?”

My voice drips with sarcasm. “No I’m not done now. My mental health isn’t something that can be fixed with a couple of weeks’ vacation or a marriage proposal.”

"In my defence the marriage proposal seemed like a solid plan at the time. I was trying to bring the romance back and give you something to focus on, something for us to look forward to… together."

My eyes snap open. "What? To focus on? Like a project?"

"You were happy when you were renovating the apartment, but then you weren't happy. I just want you to be happy again. And I want us to work this out, if we can."

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