Page 104 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
I thought I had already experienced the most heart wrenching pain that I’d ever feel in my life, but I was wrong. What I’m feeling now exceeds it by a thousand times more than anything I’ve ever felt. My heart fucking aches so bad I’m surprised it’s still beating.
Seconds later Cooper leans down putting his hand on my shoulder, “Jaxson man, paramedics are here, let them help her.”
Looking up I see 3 paramedics rush over to us. I lay Julia down gently, but stay next to her holding onto her hand.
“I’m sorry sir, we need you to back away so we have room to asses her injuries,” one of them says to me.
I shake my head not wanting to let her go but Cooper grabs my shoulder again, “Come on man, give them room so they can help her.”
“Be careful with her, she’s pregnant,” I croak out numbly as I let Cooper pull me back. I feel Sawyer and Cade come stand on either side of me, but I don’t look at them, because I can’t take my eyes off Julia.
I watch on helplessly and feel my dread grow as the paramedics work on her. “Fuck, she’s so still,” I choke out. I ignore the one female paramedic’s sympathetic glance at my tear-streaked face.
Cooper squeezes my shoulder, “She’ll be alright man, I know it. Have faith.”
Bracing my hands behind my head I start pacing back and forth. Faith! Something I’ve never had but Julia always did. Closing my eyes I do something I’ve never done before, I pray.
Please God don’t take her from me. I have so much I need to make right and I swear if you let me keep her and our baby I promise I will love them both the way they deserve. I’ll take care of them and protect them with everything that I am, hell I’ll even go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life. Just please…
“We have a pulse, lets getting moving,” the paramedic’s loud shout snaps me out of my silent plea.
“Holy shit!” I expel on a huge breath, hope flaring in my chest.
Cooper smiles and claps me on the back, “See? What the fuck did I tell ya.”
“I want to come with her,” I shout following the paramedics as they start wheeling Julia towards the ambulance. One guy nods his head at me, giving me the okay. I briefly notice the chaos of fire trucks and police cars before crawling into the ambulance next to Julia.
“We’ll meet you over there,” Cooper yells just before they close the door.
I grab Julia’s cold hand and bring it to my mouth, “Everything’s going to be okay Jules, just please hang on.”
“Why isn’t she waking up?”
I briefly come around at the sound of Jaxson’s voice or I think I am. I’m surrounded by darkness, one that’s constantly sucking me in. I try to fight it off wanting to see Jaxson but I can’t, I’m just too tired.
“Her mind has shut down so her body can heal. I know it’s difficult but be patient Mr. Reid, her and your baby need rest.”
My baby!
Relief fills me just before the darkness fully takes me again.
I’m frustrated when I come around again only to still be surrounded by the darkness. But now I can feel Jaxson holding my hand and I also register two male voices.
“I know what you’re thinking, so why not just get it over with and ask me?” I hear Jaxson ask.
“Because I’m not sure I want to know the answer, and to be honest, I don’t really care either way.”
The second voice is Cooper’s, I fight off my exhaustion, not wanting to let the darkness take me again, not until I know what they’re talking about.
“Ya well, for your information, I didn’t run in and murder the son of a bitch. We were struggling, it was self-defense. But I’m also not sorry the mother fucker is dead and I’d kill him again in a heartbeat.”
Wyatt, he’s dead.
All I can feel from hearing that is pure sweet relief. To know I will never have to face him again brings me a peace that I let sweep over and take me.
The next time I come around, I awake fully. I’m groggy and still tired but feel completely attached to my body. I know if I want to open my eyes I can. But I keep them closed for the time being because right now I’m feeling peaceful and I’m not sure what awaits me when I open them.
I feel a warm gentle pressure on my tummy and I soon realize it’s Jaxson’s hand.
“I’m gonna let you know now kid, I’m probably going to fuck up, a lot,” I hear Jaxson whisper sadly, “I had a real shitty father growing up so I never learned how to be a good dad. Thankfully you have an amazing mom, so hopefully she over-shadows all of the shitty mistakes that I’ll make.”
I force my eyes open and I’m grateful the room is relatively dark, just a soft glow of the bathroom light that is left on, which helps me to see Jaxson. He looks terribly exhausted. He’s bent over the side of my bed, his chin resting low on his forearm while he looks at his other hand that’s rubbing small circles on my stomach. His gentleness warms my heart but the exhaustion and sadness on his face makes me ache for him.
“I promise though,” he continues quietly, “I’ll try really hard to make those mistakes as few and as far between as I can. I promise I’ll always love you and I’ll always protect you. I’ll fucking kick anyone’s ass, if they try to hurt you, even if it’s just your feelings.”
I smile and hold back a chuckle, not wanting to interrupt his moment.
Jaxson groans and drops his head in his arms, “Jesus Christ, see I’m already fucking up. Listen to how much I’m swearing. Your first word is probably going to be shit.”
My giggle slips free now, “Actually it will probably be fuck,” I try to say teasingly but my voice comes out raw, not sounding at all like me.
