Page 105 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
Jaxson tenses then whips his head up in surprise, “Holy fuck!” He jumps up and moves to sit right beside me on the bed. “Jules baby, you’re awake.” He grabs my face between his hands and starts reining kisses over every inch of my bruised face. “Jesus, I’ve been waiting for what seems like forever for you to wake up.”
My face is drenched with tears and I didn’t even realize I was crying. With my reflexes sluggishly slow, I bring my hand up to Jaxson’s face, needing to touch him. I become shocked when I realize the tears aren’t my own but that they’re his. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and I thread my fingers in his hair.
My heart aches when his shoulders begin to gently shake. He makes no sound but I feel his tears fall to my neck. I rub his shoulders, his back, any part of him I can reach. Letting my own tears fall I hold him to me tightly, not wanting to ever let him go.
Eventually he bring his face up to look at me again and gently rests his forehead against mine.
“You’re crying,” I say sadly, still stunned by the simple act.
“I know,” he chokes out quietly, “I started when I didn’t think you were going to wake up and now I can’t seem to stop. I’ve turned into a real fucking pussy Jules.”
I giggle again but it bursts out with a sob. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him closer to me.
“I didn’t think I would ever see you again.” My lips softly brush his cheek close to his ear as I cry. “He was awful Jaxson and I was so sure he was going to finish what he started.”
Jaxson tenses against me before he holds me tighter, “I know baby, but it’s going to be okay now, all of it. The baby is alright and…” he pauses “and he’s dead Julia, he will never hurt you again.”
“I know,” I choke out softly, “I heard you talking to Cooper… at least I think I did,” I say, feeling a little unsure now.
Maybe I dreamt it.
Jaxson pulls back so he can see my face, “You were awake then?” he asks, in shock.
I nod, “Every time I heard your voice I would try so hard to open my eyes but I never could. I would only come around briefly before I was pulled back to darkness again. This was the first time where I came to and felt control of my body again.”
Jaxson shakes his head sadly and I can tell it bothers him to hear about it.
“How long have I been out for?” I ask, a little frightened to know the answer.
Jaxson lets out a heavy breath before responding, “Two days. And it was the fucking longest two days of my life.” He runs his hands through his hair as he lets out another deep breath, “I have so much I need to say to you Julia. So much to say I’m sorry for. For the things I said and did that night.”
My heart clenches. Closing my eyes I shake my head, not wanting to think about that night.
My eyes open when Jaxson touches my face gently. His face too shadowed from the dark for me to clearly see his gaze but I can sense his pain. It pours off him and flows directly into my heart.
“Please baby, just hear me out.” Every word is thick with tears and I can do nothing but sit and brace myself for what he’s going to say.
He swallows thickly before continuing, “I was so scared Julia. The only reason I’ve never wanted kids is because I’m fucking terrified I’ll turn out to be just like him.” He doesn’t have to say his dad, because we both know who ‘he’ is. “I mean lets be real, we both know I have one hot fucking temper and where do you think I get that from?”
I shake my head but before I can say anything he places his fingers gently on my lip. “Just wait, let me finish,” he takes another deep breath, “after the way I snapped like that…” he shakes his head, “God Julia, I didn’t think I could fucking hate myself anymore than I already did but I was wrong. When I think about the things I said and how bad I scared you, I’ve never fucking hated myself more in my entire life. Because the truth is Jules, I do love you. More than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. I have probably loved you longer than you have loved me, you’re just the one who said it first. I wanted to say it, wanted to tell you so many times, but I was too scared. Because the last person I ever said those words to left me and she never fucking came back.”
Tears begin to stream down my face again, my heart breaking at every single word that agonizingly falls from his lips. It’s the first time he has ever talked about his mom with me.
“Her leaving really fucked me up Julia, but it didn’t destroy me. But the thought of you leaving me… it would completely fucking break me.” His voice cracks and I can’t bear to see him hurt anymore. I grab him by his shirt and pull him to me. His upper body lays gently on top of mine as he braces most of his weight on his arms. He rests his forehead against mine again and I feel his tears hit my face and mix with my own. “Please forgive me Jules, I swear I’ll make it up to you.”
My breath hitches as I try to control my sobs, “Where did you go that night? I was so scared you were never going to come back.”
He shakes his head regretfully, “I shouldn’t have left you like that and I’m so sorry I did. But at the same time it’s a good thing I did because… I went and saw Anna.”
