Page 106 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
“Anna?” I gasp in shock, “the girl who you saved?”
Jaxson nods, “She lives just a few hours away in Summerland. She asked me in the hospital to come and see her one day but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want to be reminded of my failure for not making it to her on time. But now…” he lets out another breath, this one sounding more like relief, “I’m so glad I did, she looked real good Jules. She was beautiful and happy, exactly how a fifteen year old girl should be. She has real good parents who are helping her get through what happened to her.”
I smile and bring my hand up to cup the side of his face, “I’m real glad to hear that Jaxson. It’s all because of you that she had this chance to heal and be happy again.”
Jaxson grabs my wrist and brings his lips to it, kissing the bruises that I have from the awful chains. “I see that now. I walked away from my visit with her with a whole new perspective on things, most of all on myself.”
He pauses nervously. I sit patiently and wait because I know it’s hard for him to open up. “The thing is Jules, I’d never felt like I was even good enough to be your friend, let alone to love you. And honestly I still do. I know that I’m not, but I also know that no one will love you and protect you as much as I will. And if you give me another chance, I will work everyday at trying to be the person you and our baby deserve.” He places his hand on my tummy now, “I’m still scared as fuck about being a father but I promise I will love and protect our baby with everything that I am. I already do love him… her… whatever it is.” I giggle and he comes to lay over top of me again, making sure he braces his weight on the bed and not me. “Please forgive me Jules. I love you and I need you.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and bring his lips close to mine, “I love you Jaxson. I have loved you since I was seventeen years old and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life. But for us to work I need you to trust me with your heart and your feelings. When you’re scared or angry, talk to me about it, don’t run away.”
He shakes his head, “I won’t. I fucking promise Jules I’ll never leave you again and I will never let my fear make me lose control like that again either. I’ll try really really hard to tell you what I’m always feeling just… please be patient with me, because it’s not something I’m good at.”
I nod, “I will. And I’ll make sure to tell you too how I’m feeling because the truth is, I’m a little scared myself about having this baby.”
“You are?” he asks shock.
“Of course I am. I mean I love our baby so much already but I have no clue what to do. What diapers are best to use, what formula is better, when should they start food?… all of it. It’s something I have to learn, but we will learn it together.”
“Jesus. See I didn’t even think about any of that shit. Knowing me I’d probably forget to fucking feed it.”
I burst out laughing, my throat still raw and scratchy, “No you wouldn’t, but these are all things we will learn together. And if we fail, well we always have Grams. She definitely will know what to do.”
Jaxson chuckles, “Ya she does.” He cups my face tenderly now, “But I have no doubt Jules, you will be the best mom in the whole world.”
He leans down pressing his mouth gently to mine and a small sob escapes me. “I love you so much, I hope our baby is just like you. Smart, loyal, honorable. You are so much better than you know Jaxson, you’re perfect, perfect for me and our baby.”
“I love you more,” he whispers against my lips.
At that moment a nurse walks in, on her rounds. She does a quick check on me and gives me another dose of pain medication.
I look over at Jaxson who looks as exhausted as I feel. “Have you been home at all to sleep?”
He shakes his head, “I’m not going back home until you do.”
“Come here,” I say patting the bed next to me, “I want to feel you beside me.”
“Jules baby I want to be next to you too, but I’m a little big for that bed, and you need room to rest and get better.”
I shake my head and slowly slide over, “Please come here. All I need to get better is to have you beside me.”
“Alright,” he says getting up reluctantly. He lays down on top of the blankets facing me, and I turn to my side too so I can face him. We lay in the dark silently looking at one another.
“How bad do I look?” I ask, knowing it’s probably pretty bad.
I feel Jaxson tense but then he quickly relaxes, “You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Nothing else matters Julia, the rest will fade over time.” He leans down pressing a kiss to my forehead, “Sleep baby.”
I bring myself closer to Jaxson and run my hand up his shirt so I can feel his bare skin. “I love you, forever. Thank you for saving my life again.”
“I love you too.” I hear him whisper just before I fall into a blissful sleep.
“Good morning Julia, it’s nice to finally see you awake. I’m Doctor Gordon and I’ve been the one over-seeing you the last few days. How are you feeling this morning?
Dr. Gordon stands just inside the room, his hand resting on a machine that he rolled in with him. He must be new to the hospital because I have never seen him before, and in a small town you know everyone. He’s an older man with a kind smile and I instantly feel comfortable with him.
