Page 44 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
“No it’s not. You need to go in and get that restraining order.”
I clear my throat nervously, “You know Jaxson, I was thinking about that and I really don’t think that’s necessary.” His face turns savage and he lets out a growl before I can finish. “Jesus! Alright, calm down, I’ll go tomorrow.”
“I’ll pick you up in the morning and take you to get it done.”
“I can manage on my own.”
“I’m sure you can but I told you I will take you.”
We glare at each other in silence for a moment, of course I’m the first one
to break eye contact. Things are quiet and awkward now, “Well I should go,” I say quietly. I get up to leave but Jaxson grabs my arm stopping me.
“Not so fast Julia! No more stalling, it’s time you hear me out.”
Damn! I knew it!
“What’s the point? You sending me away in Germany is not something that we are ever going to agree on, no matter what you say to me.”
“Why can’t you just try to understand that I didn’t want anyone to see me like that?”
“Cooper did!” I point out angrily.
“That’s because he was my emergency contact; I didn’t really have a choice. Believe me if I could have prevented him from seeing me like that too I would have. But I also knew he could handle it. You don’t get just how fucked up I was Julia.”
“Of course I don’t get how bad it was, you never gave me the chance to.”
“I’m sorry, but it was for the best, trust me.”
“Well that’s a really shitty explanation. Did you come back thinking it was going to be that easy Jaxson?”
He shakes his head, “No! I know it’s going to take time for you to forgive me but I’m asking you to at least give me the chance to make it right.”
I soften a bit, “It’s not just about Germany. Why did you stay away from me for so long?”
He looks away guiltily. I’m waiting for him to say something, to explain himself, but he doesn’t. I shake my head frustrated, “Was Melissa telling the truth last night?”
That gets a reaction out him! He whips his head in my direction and glares at me, “What the fuck are you asking me?”
“Did you leave in the first place because of me?”
His expression is furious when he answers, “You know better than that Julia. Nothing that bitch said last night was the truth. Do you think I would be back here trying to fix this shit if that were true?
“Then answer my question! Why the hell did you stay away from me for 6 years!”
“Because I didn’t think I could keep my dick in my fucking pants alright!”
I snap my head back in surprise, not expecting that admission.
“Christ!” Jaxson stands up and starts pacing angrily, “Let’s face it Julia, that night changed everything between us.”
“So what are you saying Jaxson, that you regret it?”
Just the thought makes me want to throw up.
“No goddamn it! I probably should but I don’t. That was the best fucking night of my life Julia,” I can tell he immediately regrets his admission.
“Me too,” I admit softly. His expression softens as we stare at each other. “You promised me that night that you would stay my friend and you broke that promise,” I look away as tears sting my eyes.
He kneels down and grabs my face in both his hands forcing my gaze to his, “I know Julia, I’m sorry I fucked up. I thought I was doing the right thing. Believe me if I could go back and change the way I handled things I would.”
I swallow thickly and try to keep my tears at bay, “Why do you feel differently now, what’s changed?”
His expression darkens, “Because there was a point when I thought I’d never get to see you again and the thought fucking ripped me apart.” A sharp painful ache seizes my chest and steals my breath. “I swore to myself that if I got out of there alive I’d fix this mess I made with you because I can’t live without you Julia. I will fix this even if it kills me trying.”
His tortured admission breaks me and I can’t hold in my tears anymore. I slide off the log on to my knees in front of him and wrap my arms around his neck, while sobs hysterically wrack my body.
“Fuck!” He lifts me up by my hips so I’m straddling him and he holds me tight while all the years of hurt pour out of me. I cry over our loss of years together, I cry for him- that someone hurt him, I cry until the energy to cry anymore has been completely drained out of me. Eventually my tears subside, leaving only the sound of my labored breathing.
“I’ll get us back to what we had Julia, I promise,” Jaxson whispers in my ear making me believe him.
“Ok.”
He leans back and holds my face again, “Ok?” he asks, unsure if he heard me right.
I nod my head, my throat too tight to speak.
He lets a relieved sigh, “Ok.”
He presses a soft kiss to my temple then rests his forehead on mine. I close my eyes savoring the intimate contact with him.
“Are you going to be ok?” he asks concerned, but there’s also something in his voice that makes me open my eyes.
I stare into his ice blue gaze that’s anything but cold and become intimately aware of our position. My dress is hiked up to my hips with Jaxson’s warm hands resting high on my bare thighs. I shift a little and realize he is hard beneath me. His jaw clenches and his grip tightens. My labored breathing is for a whole different reason now. He’s staring at me, waiting for an answer to his question. I lick my lips to wet my dry mouth, Jaxson’s gaze follows and he groans dropping his head on my shoulder.
“Jules this is one of those times where my control is being tested, so I need you to get up before I rip your panties off.”
