Page 78 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
“I told you to tell her man.”
I glare over at Sawyer, “I didn’t want to say anything till we made a fucking decision.”
“Ya and because of that she just got fucking blind-sided. Listen Jaxson, you need to think hard about this. Is this something that’s worth hurting her over? I feel the same way as you do, I want to help. But let’s face it, if we don’t go, someone else will. It isn’t like the mission will fail if we say no. If we were still part of the Navy then this wouldn’t even be a question, we would haul our asses out there and do what we needed to do. But we aren’t a part of the Navy anymore; for a damn good reason too if you ask me.”
I run my hand through my hair in frustration feeling pissed at myself. I should have fucking told her. Things have been so good lately I didn’t want to ruin it.
As they get up to leave Sawyer puts his hand on my shoulder, “Think about it. You know we’ll go along with whatever you want to do. Just remember what I said- someone else will do it if we say no.” Cade nods his head in agreement, slaps me on my back and follows Sawyer out.
Locking up behind them I head upstairs wondering what the fuck I’m going to find once I walk into the room. Bracing myself at the door I open it and see nothing but darkness. Once my eyes adjust I see Julia curled up on her side of the bed with her back to me. If it weren’t for the quiet sniffles I would think she was asleep. I turn on the lamp, bringing the room to a soft glow.
“Jules?” I call her name softly as I walk over to her. When she doesn’t answer I get down on my knees in front of her, her face is buried into the pillow trying to hide her tears but I can see the streaks on her one cheek. She’s clutching a tissue in one hand and her shoulders shake from her silent cries.
My chest tightens painfully at seeing her hurt like this, “Please don’t cry Jules. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise.”
She shakes her head, “No it’s not. It’s not going to be okay Jaxson. You lied to me. You promised you wouldn’t leave me again.”
“I’m sorry, I should have told you. But you need to know Jules, if we decide to do this, if I leave, it won’t be forever. I’ll come back to you.”
She snaps her head up and reaches out grabbing my shirt with a strength that shocks the shit out of me, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep! You can’t promise you will come back to me! Something could happen to you. Look at what happened last time,” the sudden flash of her anger disappears and turns back into agony. She drops back down and shakes her head, “Jaxson, I have never asked anything from you. I have supported you in everything you chose to do, even if I didn’t like it. But I’m begging you now, please don’t do this, please don’t leave again. I won’t survive if something happens to you.”
Her agonized plea destroys me but also brings clarity. Leaning over, I cover the top half of her body with my own. My face becoming wet with her tears when I bury it in her neck. Kissing up her throat I bring my lips to her ear, “Okay, I won’t go.”
She goes completely still under me, “What?”
“I said I won’t go. I’ll do anything Jules to have you not hurt like this.” And that’s the goddamn truth, nothing or no one matters to me more than her.
Suddenly her mouth crashes to mine and she kisses me with a desperation that I’ve never felt from her. My blood runs hot and my body kicks into over-drive. Tangling my hands in her hair I take control of the kiss, tasting her salty tears with every hot, wet stroke of my tongue. Her hands pull at my shirt frantically as she tries to remove it from my body. Sitting up I reach one arm behind my shoulders and rip it off with one swift pull. When I come back to her, she’s sitting up on the edge of the bed, with her legs dangling on either side of me. Her beautiful exotic eyes bore into mine, storming with passion and… something else. Something I’m too scared to acknowledge. Laying her soft warm hand on my stomach she runs it slowly up my body, stopping right over my pounding heart. Licking those sexy fucking lips of hers she whispers, “I love you.”
Even though her words don’t surprise me, they still hit me like a fucking blow to the chest, sucking the goddamn air right out of my lungs. She covers my mouth with her hand before I can react, “Don’t say anything. I don’t want you to say anything back.” She removes her hand from my mouth and leans her forehead against mine. “I just… I needed you to know that I still loved you. I never stopped Jaxson and I never will.”
My heart swells so fucking much that it hurts. So many emotions rage inside of me right now: happiness, fear and most of all self-loathing. I have never hated myself more in my life than I do in this moment. She deserves to hear the words back but I’m too much of a fucking pussy to say them; because the last woman I said ‘I love you’ to, left and never came back.
I let out a heavy breath and shake my head, “I don’t fucking deserve you.”
She grabs the bottom of her tank and pulls it over her head, baring me to the most beautiful site of my life. “Yes you do. You deserve all of me, including my heart.”
I become consumed with the need to touch her and since I can’t say the words I feel, I decide to show her. Running my hands up the sides of her smooth toned stomach I bring them around and cup her full firm breasts, my thumbs brushing over their tight tips.
