Page 91 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
She’s shaking and crying but nods her head and does what I ask. “Wait!” she yells, stopping me from lifting her. She unwraps her arms from around my neck, reaches under her pillow and pulls out my mother-fucking pendant.
“I got it back from that guy. I saw it hanging out of his pocket when he was dragging me so I grabbed it. He thought I was trying to get keys, that’s why he hit me with the baton.” I shake my head, emotion clogging my throat, my chest clenching so tight that I have a hard time breathing. She wraps it in her fist and wounds her arms again around my neck. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I wrap my arms around her and hug her before I pick her up, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she whispers into my neck.
I pick her up and we get the fuck out of there. I start running the way Irina told me. My limbs feeling heavy, the strain of my broken body fighting against me. I clench my teeth and push through it. I will not stop now.
Suddenly Anna’s scream fills my ear, instinct has me turning around and pulling the trigger. A guard drops, the bullet hitting him in the head.
I turn back around and push myself harder, faster.
“I’m sorry,” Anna says crying, “I froze.”
I don’t answer back not wanting to waste any energy I have left. Finally I hit the side door and push through it into the night. I try to train my eyes in the darkness.
“Jaxson, straight ahead,” Sawyer yells from a distance.
I run, trying to keep a steady pace, my lungs burn and my broken limbs try slowing me down. Out of nowhere Irina comes running up to me, “Over here you have to… “
THWACK!
Irina falls right in front of me, a bullet hitting her in the chest.
“Fuck!” I drop to the ground on top of Anna, not knowing what direction the bullet came from.
“Shit!” Sawyer comes running over, his gun shooting wildly over top of me.
He leans down to pick up Irina, “Leave me,” she chokes out.
“No!” Sawyer picks her up, “Come on man, we have no choice we have to make a run for it. I think I hit the fucker.”
Somehow I find the strength to get Anna and I both up. I run with heavy limbs and soon come up to bush. Just before I enter it another shot goes off…
“FUCK!” I shoot up in bed, my body covered in a cold sweat, my heart pounding wildly.
“Jax?” Julia says softly sitting up beside me, her hand going to my shoulder.
I throw her off, “I’m fine. I just need a fucking minute.”
Getting up I head to the bathroom.
I jump when the bathroom door slams, hurting that he’s shutting me out again. I lay back down and let out a heavy breath, this nightmare was by far the worst one yet.
Do I go to him?
I get pulled from my inner torment when I hear the shower turn on. Glancing at the bedside clock I see it’s only 4 am. That’s it. I throw the covers off me. All I can do is try, if he shuts me out then I’ll try again next time.
Walking into the bathroom I close the door behind me and watch Jaxson through the glass shower door. His hands are braced on the wall in front of him, his head hanging low in defeat under the pounding stream of hot water. My trepidation vanishes when I see how much he’s hurting. I pull his shirt from my body and take off my panties. Opening the shower door I step in behind him. Hot steam enveloping me as soon as I enter. I know he’s been aware of me in here the whole time but he still tenses when I wrap my arms around him. I ignore it and kiss his back, his scars, the angel.
“Not a good idea Julia. I don’t have a lot of control right now.” The pain that laces his words has me coming around to stand in front of him. He keeps his head down under the spray, avoiding my gaze.
“Look at me Jaxson,” I say softly.
He shakes his head. I step in closer and grab his face with both of my hands forcing him to look at me. And what I see shatters my heart: despair, guilt and most of all, self-hatred. His eyes are brimmed red with tears that desperately want to be shed but he won’t allow them.
“Oh Jaxson baby, talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”
His pain becomes my own but I hold in my tears to be strong for him. Stepping closer so I’m right under him, I stare up into his face that I cradle in my hands. Water drips from his dark hair and thick lashes, falling onto my face. His guilt and despair lay heavy in the humid air.
“It’s me Jax, let me in, let me help you.”
He clenches his jaw, “I tried to get to her in time. I tried so fucking hard. But I didn’t make it, I was too late.”
Oh no.
Every word is through clenched teeth as he tries to hold his pain in. My heart aches so bad that I have a hard time taking a breath.
Be strong Julia he needs you now.
“Who baby? Cade’s girl?”
He shakes his head, “Anna,” he chokes out, as if I should know who this person is, “fuck Julia, she was only 14.”
Oh God!
I swallow past the bile that tries to choke me, “Did she die?”
He shakes his head again, “No, but they took her innocence, they robbed her of something she will never get back. I almost made it in time, if I could have gotten there ten minutes sooner I would have made it… Fuck!” he breathes out the curse through his still-clenched teeth. His chest heaves rapidly from holding in the pain that desperately needs to be let out.
“Jaxson. Cry. It’s okay to cry. You’re hurting yourself by keeping it in.”
He looks panicked as I say this, he squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head frantically and I know I’m about to lose him.
