Page 94 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
He moves, throwing my hand off him in the process and when he looks at me, my heart sinks into my stomach. He has so much anger in his eyes I’d swear he hates me right now.
I try to push aside my emotions, knowing that he’s scared.
“None of this is fucking okay Julia. None of it, not for you, not for me and especially not for the fucking kid. Do you not remember who my father is?”
And then it becomes perfectly clear, what he fears the most, being like his father.
“I remember all about your father and I’m glad I never had to meet him. But your father has nothing to do with this.” I walk up to him slowly and try to grab his hand, “You are nothing like your father Jaxson.” He moves his hand away before I can grab it, making it achingly clear he doesn’t want me to touch him.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I am exactly like my father, because that’s all I knew growing up. Why do you think I said I never fucking wanted kids? What part did you not understand?”
Anger starts mixing in with my hurt. “Jaxson, you’re acting as if I did this on purpose for god-sakes.”
“Did you!?”
I narrow my watery eyes, “Be careful Jaxson, because some things you can’t take back once they’re said. I am not a liar and you know it.” He clenches his jaw and glares back at me. Taking a deep breath I try to hold on to my control and take a different tactic. “Listen, I know you’re in shock and probably a little scared,” he scoffs but I continue, not letting him interrupt me, “so am I, but I’m also really happy. I didn’t think this would ever happen to me. I thought I’d never get a chance to be a mother and the best part of all of this to me, is that it’s yours. We love each other Jaxson. We…
“Don’t put words into my mouth Julia.”
I flinch, his words slashing my heart like a cruel blade. And the first of many tears spills from my eyes. I try to take a deep breath but find I can’t because the pains too much, “Are you saying you don’t love me Jaxson? Huh? Is that what you’re saying?”
He completely loses it, “I’m telling you I don’t want the fucking baby! But you’re not fucking listening to me goddamn it!” He punches the fridge repeatedly then grabs my crystal vase full of flowers and throws it, smashing it against the wall. Glass reins everywhere, the loud shattering has my knees going weak with fear.
“Stop it! You’re scaring me!!” I scream sobbing through his violence.
He storms over and grabs my arms roughly, “Good, it’s about fucking time!” The rage in his eyes and his screaming is too much for me to bare. I close my eyes and cover my ears. “I’ve told you for a long time you should have stayed the fuck away but you didn’t listen, you kept trying to make yourself believe that…” his words die abruptly.
I’m shaking and sobbing, with my eyes still closed and hands over my ears, I take the chance at opening them and what I see staring back at me makes me cry harder: fear, panic and self-loathing.
“Jesus, I’m sorry. I have to get the fuck out of here,” he pushes away from me.
“No Jaxson, don’t leave. Please,” I beg through my sobs.
But it’s too late, he’s already headed out the door. I stand there frozen for a minute, trying to absorb what just happened. Then the pain is too much and I crumble to my knees. His words, ringing repeatedly in my head: ‘I don’t fucking want the baby’.
I don’t know how long I cried for, staring at the broken glass around me, but suddenly my front door slams. I look up, praying it’s Jaxson, but it’s Sawyer and Cade.
Sawyer sees the mess and comes running over to me, “Jesus Julia, what the fuck is going on? Are you alright?”
I shake my head no. Because it’s the truth, I’m not alright, not with all of us hurting so much. Especially Jaxson.
“Julia will you please tell me what the fuck is going on? Jaxson called us to come here for you, as soon as we showed up he tore out of here looking like shit, without any explanations…”
“He doesn’t want the baby,” I whisper. Saying the words out loud is torture, “I’m pregnant Sawyer, but he doesn’t want us.”
Sawyer expels a loud breath then wraps his arms around me. “Jesus Christ, that fucking dumb-ass mother-fuckin’ asshole.”
He holds me tight, and I let him, feeling like if he doesn’t I may fall to pieces, literally. “I thought he loved me,” I whisper through my sobs.
“Don’t think for one second that he doesn’t. He’s just a stupid dumb-ass who’s fucked in the head. But trust me Julia he does.”
“It’s true he does,” Cade adds.
I shake my head, not knowing what to believe anymore. I was so sure he did but seeing what I just saw, I’m not so sure anymore. Or maybe the sad truth is it doesn’t matter if he does, because maybe love isn’t enough.
“Listen, why don’t you take her upstairs. I’ll clean this up,” Cade says to Sawyer.
Sawyer helps me to my feet, “Come on,” he keeps his arm around me as he walks me upstairs, “do you want me to call someone? Kayla maybe?”
I shake my head, “No thank you, I’m just going to try and get some sleep. I need to be up early. Kayla and I are going dress shopping in the morning.” He nods looking at me in concern.
“I’m sorry you guys got roped into staying here with me,” I say feeling guilty.
He shakes his head, “I don’t mind being here Julia. I’m just sorry he’s being such an ass right now.”
I shrug, “I know he’s scared. I just…” I let out a shaky breath, “I love him so much Sawyer that it hurts, I don’t want to lose him.”
