Page 13 of Fighting Temptation (Men of Honor 1)
‘I love you Jaxson.’ It’s the first time anyone has said those words to me and it makes my chest hurt so fucking bad that I want to rip my goddamn heart out so I don’t feel it.
I want to go in after her and tell her just how much she means to me but I know in the end it still won’t change why we can’t be together. I wish things were different, I wish I had different blood running through my veins, I wish I was good enough. I look up at her house one last time before I get on my bike.
My throat feels so tight I can’t swallow. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is happening to me! I haven’t cried since I was 7 years old and I swore I never would again. But that’s what Julia does to me, what she has always done to me, makes me feel shit I never thought I’d feel again.
Pissed at myself now for being weak, I start the bike up and take off.
I wake up to my phone ringing and moan, feeling like I have been hit by a truck. I squint with my red puffy eyes at my screen and see Kayla’s number. Oh god, what time is it? Checking my clock next to me I see it’s 7:40 am. Shit! The ferry leaves in 20 minutes. I shoot out of bed and take a quick peek in the mirror. Yup, I also look like I’ve been hit by a truck. Darn. I don’t have time to make myself presentable so I quickly throw my hair up in a high messy bun, throw a cardigan over my black booty shorts and matching tank that I wore to bed. I forgo a bra knowing there’s not enough time to put one on. I grab a pair of the biggest sunglasses I own to hide my puffy blood-shot eyes and bound down the stairs. As I’m putting my flip-flops on Grams peeks in from the kitchen.
“Julia, are you okay? Where are you going so early?”
“I don’t have time to explain right now Grams but I need to see Jaxson before he leaves. I have to make things right.” I feel bad running out the door when she’s calling my name but I’m so scared I’m not going to make it in time, so I don’t stop.
I drive as fast as I dare, praying I don’t get pulled over and arrive 5 minutes later at the harbor. I almost forget to shut the car door in my haste. There’s a small crowd gathered on the dock waiting to board the ferry. I spot Jaxson right away and see he’s about to walk on. Shit! The dock is long and I’m quite a distance away.
“JAXSON!” I scream his name and start running faster than I ever thought possible. He seems so far away and I’m crying so hard, praying he hears me. After the third time of screaming his name he finally hears me, he stops and turns around to see me charging at him. He looks stunned for a minute but then drops his bag and starts striding towards me. When I reach him I jump and throw myself at him. My arms wrap around his neck and my legs around his waist.
“I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I don’t care if you don’t love me back, I swear I don’t. I can’t lose you Jaxson, I need you in my life. Please don’t leave hating me.” I don’t know how I manage to get all those words out through my broken sobs but I do.
Jaxson puts me down and cradles my face in his hands. When I look up I see his eyes are brimmed red with unshed tears. He rests his forehead on mine, “I could never hate you Jules. You mean more to me than anyone else in my life. If I had it in me to love someone, it would be you,” his voice cracks and I grab him, sobbing hysterically in his chest.
“I love you Jaxson, you will always be my best friend. Promise me you’re not going to leave forever, please!”
“I promise Jules.”
We stand there holding each other when a loud siren goes off and the final boarding call is made.
“I better get moving,” he whispers against my hair.
“Ok,” I hug him tighter.
He chuckles, “Julia, you have to let go of me.”
I inhale a deep breath, breathing him in one more time before I step back. Looking up at him I frame his handsome face with my hands and say one more thing before he can leave, “I’m going to miss you. I want you to remember Jaxson, that this is your home and when you decide to come back know that you will always have someone here waiting for you…”
He clenches his jaw, reining in the emotions that etch deep in his expression. He leans his forehead against mine. “I’ll miss you too Jules, I’ll text you when I get in, alright?”
I only nod since my throat is too tight to speak anymore. He presses a hard kiss to my forehead then picks up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and boards the ferry. I stay where I am, watching it start its journey. Jaxson turns around and waves one last time then he walks inside where I can no longer see him.
Feeling lost and alone I turn to walk back to my car and I’m shocked when I see Kayla and Cooper waiting for me at the end of the dock.
Kayla and I start towards each other; I see she’s crying and know it’s for me. When we reach each other we wrap our arms around one another and both cry our hearts out. After our cry-fest I step back, “How did you know I was here?”
“I tried calling you this morning because when Coop got home there was a hole in the wall. I figured things didn’t go well with Jaxson. When you didn’t answer your cell I called the house and Grams told me. I’m so sorry Julia, I shouldn’t have pushed you into telling him.”
